Failing.

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by i_am_amy, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. i_am_amy

    i_am_amy New mum to Abigail.

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    Abby is over six weeks old now and although I knew it wasn't going to be easy I never thought it could be this hard. I feel like I'm getting nowhere with everything and I should be getting the hang of it by now.

    I still have absolutely no idea what she needs when she cries :( I thought I would have figured it out by now! I struggle every single night for hours trying to get her to sleep and her dad comes along and manages it in minutes. I have no idea if I'm feeding her too much or too little and it feels like all I ever do is feed her, change her then spend the rest of my time trying to settle her to sleep.

    I'm just finding it quite overwhelming and it's getting hard to constantly feel like I'm failing. Anyone else feel this way or is it just me? Xxx
     
  2. Aidan's Mummy

    Aidan's Mummy Mummy to Aidan and Oliver

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    Oh hun :hug: Sometimes it can take a while to get to no each other. What I did was just cancelled each thing out. So if he cried picked him up and gave him a cuddle, if he still cried checked his nappy if it wasnt that tried him with a bottle and if it wasnt that tried to get him to sleep and of he still cried tried to see if he had wind

    They cant tell you and sometimes it is a guessing game

    Are you sure she hasnt got colic or anything becuase sometimes that can make a baby scream. A god sign is if they bring their legs up toward their tummy :hugs:
    xx
     
  3. saraendepity

    saraendepity Daisy's Mummy and TTC!

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    omg hun i felt like this for the first few months hun:hugs: it does and will get better. you are not failing i am absolutely sure you are doind an amazing job.

    are you feeling a little stressed about getting her to sleep - i was like this and Daisy obviously picked up on it and wouldnt sleep....daddy comes along and BANG snoring Daisy!!:hissy: could you get your OH to put her down for a few nights so you can have a bath and a chill ?? huge huge :hugs:
     
  4. sam76

    sam76 Mummy to George & Louie

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    My Little one is 11 weeks and i still struggle, its a learning curve for us all, and nothing prepares you for it, i still have bad days and i think what am i doing wrong, you doing nothing wrong at all, its not easy being a parent, so please dont think your doing it in a wrong way, it will take time and we learn everyday xxxxxxx Keep your chin up xxxx
     
  5. nikki_j

    nikki_j Mummy to my baby Aiden :)

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    Hiya, first of all congratulations on your LO and massive hugs - I know how this feels. All Aiden ever seemed to do was scream, and I turned up at my parents house in tears on numerous occassions because he just didn't stop crying. Needless to say, as son as I got there, he would stop and make me look as though I was making it up!! He would cry all day and I would try literally EVERYTHING I could possibly think of and nothing seemed to help - so I know how you feel.

    What I will say, is Aiden is now 11 weeks, and he has settled down SO much, he is like a different baby, he is smiley and content and we seem to be doing okay - fingers crossed. But he has only been like this for about 2 weeks, so I won't jinx it yet lol. But what I am saying is it will get better, you certainly aren't failing - motherhood is bloody hard work.

    Is your LO breastfed? You can tell if he is getting enough from the number of wet nappies, I think it's six a day... (someone correct me here).. I only managed to breastfeed Aiden for 2 weeks for similar reasons and OH's family members constsntly telling me he wasn't getting enough which is why he was screaming :( turns out that wasn't the case either, I still don't know what all the crying was about... but you will figure it out hun I promise - it will get better.

    Hope that helps... just knowing other people are going through it / have been through it helps sometimes. But please don't feel like you're failing, you are doing a fantastic job xxx
     
  6. i_am_amy

    i_am_amy New mum to Abigail.

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    Thank u all. She does have colic so that isn't making it any easier. And OH works all day so I do my best to let him sleep at night. I'm sure we'll get there, it's just so hard at times. Xxx
     
  7. Mum2b_Claire

    Mum2b_Claire Mummy to Ruby & Scarlett!

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    I felt like that at first. OH was sooo helpful he practically took over which left me feeling like I was crap with her. He was a lot calmer with her and seemed to think far more logically than me when she cried (I tended just to cry myself which was hardly helpful) so like Aidan's mummy suggests, go through the list of things that might be wrong. I'd add boredom / needing a change of scenery and too hot/cold to the list of potential reasons as well. Also try not to feel frustrated and remember that she doesn't know what she wants either.
     
  8. cazza1982

    cazza1982 Mum to a cheeky monkey!

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    I think you will probably find that nearly all of us have felt/feel like that! You are by all means not alone and don't feel for one second that it is something you are doing wrong.

    With regards to your OH, I find that my DH can come swanning in the door and get Charlie to sleep fairly quickly whilst I have been tearing my hair out for the past hour! I think it's mainly because I have been with him all day and although I try not to show it, I am stressed out and I think Charlie feeds off that. Maybe this could be the case with you?

    I still feel a bit like this now with Charlie and he is 4 months old! The house is a mess, some days I am unable to even get dressed and he wants my constant attention and entertainment. As I type I should be off out into town but I haven't even managed to get dressed yet and to top it off, he wants to feed every 3 hours today (it takes me an hour to feed him) so it just feels like I constantly have to make up feeds etc :(

    Just remember that you are doing a wonderful job and you are a fab mummy. She is still fairly tiny at the moment, but once she get's a bit bigger you will soon see the rewards of smiling, interacting etc which makes it all worth it.

    Lots of hugs to you.

    xxx
     
  9. cazza1982

    cazza1982 Mum to a cheeky monkey!

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    This soooo happens to me! Everyone thinks I make it up when Charlie is being a right terror as he immediately chills out as soon as he sees someone else! Typical.
     
  10. polaris

    polaris Mother of two

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    I've been feeling a bit like this over the past week. I've been really tearful on and off over the past couple of days. It sometimes just feels like all LO wants from me is food, it feels like I hardly ever get smiles from him, whereas he is all smiles for OH. He could be crying for hours and OH will come in and make a few silly noises and he will be smiling and cooing up at him. He is the same with extended family or friends, all smiles. When I am feeling bad it just feels like he doesn't like me at all and that I don't know how to make him happy.

    Thomas suffers a lot from wind and no amount of burping him, rubbing his back, or bicycling his legs can get rid of it all. I think when he is with me he feels safe to cry about it, whereas when he is with other people he doesn't. That means that I bear the brunt of the crying. I am trying to see it as a good thing, that LO spends most time with me so he feels completely safe with me and can express all of his emotions. That might be rubbish, but it makes me feel a little bit better.

    I have also found that when I get too tired or if I miss a meal or don't drink enough water, then everything just seems so much worse and that is when I end up in tears. I am also making sure that I get out for a long walk every day with the baby and I think that is helping to keep my mood more stable.

    It sounds to me like you are doing a great job, you are definitely not failing. There is this myth that you are supposed to know why baby is crying, but actually it is just a guessing game that I assume you get better at over time. I also worry that I am feeding Thomas too much because it is the easiest way to soothe him, but his weight gain has been in the recommended range so I try not to worry.

    :hug: It's not easy but I think you should try to be more kind to yourself rather than giving yourself such a hard time. Everything will fall into place with time, that's what I keep telling myself anyway.
     
  11. i_am_amy

    i_am_amy New mum to Abigail.

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    That's a nice way of thinking about lo crying. Thank u for ur kind words.
     
  12. tillymum

    tillymum New mom

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    Congratulations on your little girl!

    I remember being convinced I wasn't doing it right and finding it so hard and stressful at 5-7weeks.

    My sister summed it up for me in that there is a reason babies smile around the 6 week mark, because thats the point when new Mums are exhausted and at breaking point and the smile is there to melt your heart and remind you that it's all worth it.

    Hang in there it does get better and you are doing a good job :hugs:
     
  13. lyre

    lyre Well-Known Member

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    you're definitely not alone, everyone has bad days or weeks. weekend just gone was particularly bad for me, lo wouldnt stop crying and both me and oh were shattered. today is better though...bad days pass. you're definitely not failing, babies are just hard work!:hugs:
     
  14. soootired

    soootired Well-Known Member

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    I thought this the other day, somehow when you are woken up for the 20th time by a smily baby nothing else seems to matter lol. I thing the same goes for wind and dirty nappies when they are younger.

    Anyway glad this was posted and that its normal.
    Infacol has made a huge difference for me, but i had to use it every feed for a week for it to work :)
     
  15. TigerLady

    TigerLady CaveTiger Clan Mama

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    My LO is five months old and I still can't always figure out why he is fussing. I started to figure it out better around 3 months or so, as his communication got better at the same time that I started to understand him better. But, even now, I don't always know what he needs or wants. I just start doing everything I can think of until I hit on something that works.

    It's okay, hon! :hugs: It will get easier -- but don't expect to ever be a piece of cake. Being a parent is hard!
     
  16. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    amy i felt just as bad! it does get easier, i promise! and when the smiles come - they will help!
     

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