Family grrr...

Discussion in 'Toddler & Pre-School' started by dali, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. dali

    dali Well-Known Member

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    ok , my sister had a family xmas party last nightwe had a good time .. but...

    her livign room door was propped open so rthat peopel could get into the kitchen easily where she had a whole big table layed out with trays of food and stuff, the hall way between the kitchen and living room is where the stairs to upstairs are, so anyway several time Brody went wandering out there to have a look and explore which im fine with, but didnt want him climbing the stairs / playing on them alone, and didnt want him going through the kitchen cupboards or pulling food off the table ( all of which he was quite into doing) so if he went out there and i knew there was no one in there to watch him i would go to play with him out there / stand near the doorway so i could see him or go and bring him back into the living room area.....
    to me this seemed sensible, but after maybe the 3rd time i went out there i hear my uncle saying " oh , shes the kind of mother who if he fell over playing football she would shout at the coach for making him run ...." .... wtf ?
    annoyingly my mum pipes up " oh i think shes already like that at playgroup.." (she has never been to playgroup with us, although i have told her about 1 rude and violent little boy who cause trouble for a lot of people every week... but i just dont get it ? )
    then almost everything i did it seemed he was making comments ( when he thought i couldnt hear) like i went out there another time and he says "oh there goes mummy to the rescue again , cant she leave the boy alone? ". he actually said to me directly " oh leave him hows he gonna learn not to tip the food on the floor if you dont let him do it, and then tell him off ?" to which i replied " he will learn because i am telling him not to do it, and explaining why, would you rather i let him ruin all the food just so i can tell him off afterwards ?"
    now when i went to get some food and left him with the others i came back 2 mins later and he was gone .... no one had even noticed him cross the whole room and leave , i found him in the upstairs bathroom playing with the tap ( they probably though he was following me i guess)

    now i dont wrap him up in cotton wool , but surely its not that OTT that i dont want him emptying kitchen cupboards / playing on stairs / pulling food trays off the table ? is it ?

    i spent half the night stressed out at my uncle and biting my tounge. i have always liked and respected my uncle (opinionated though he is) but now am dreading the idea of seeing him again at my aunts befrore newyear. (btw his grandson is a month younger and doesnt seem to be too into anything at the moment so i get that he obviously hasnt got to the point of having to run after a toddler yet)
    aside from my mums lack of want to stick up for me , i am so glad that my parents are Brodys grandparents and not my uncle and aunt, atleast they respect my right to do things my way even if they dont always agree.

    sorry for the rant, but was i being OTT ? do people jsut let their toddlers run around other peoples houses doing what they like without watching them ?
     
  2. Jo

    Jo I'm an old bag!

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    I would have been the same in a situation like that, TBH you can't win.

    You want to watch them so they don't wreck stuff and have people tutting at you saying you should have been watching.
    If you keep too close an eye on you are smothering them!
     
  3. Ratty

    Ratty Well-Known Member

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    You weren't over the top at all. Carrying your child around everywhere or not going a metre from them is OTT, but to stand by a door, keeping an eye on them is just being a good mother!!!!!! I do the same thing, I don't let Sean out of my sight for even 10 seconds when I'm at someone elses house.

    When I'm at home, he can wonder around while I'm busy doing something but then we have latches on all kitchen cupboards, all rooms including the bathroom except his are locked. If he goes quite, I know he is up to something, but the worst he can really do is throw stones in our pool (he can get into it).
     
  4. dali

    dali Well-Known Member

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    thankyou ladies :)
    was starting to feel like i was doing something wrong, but i just couldnt see how.
    feeling a bit better about it now as i know i was only loooking after my son. still not looking forward to seeing my uncle again though, if he starts again i will just have to tell him politely to butt out ( dont really want to cause an atomsphere at a family gathering , but i wont spend another evening being made to feel like im doing everything wrong.
    i mean i could have commented on the fact that as soon as his grandson turned uphe was dishing out sweets and offering fizzy drinks to him followed by cake etc.. but i didnt because it has nothing to do with me. why cant people just keep their thoughts to themselves ? ( my lo did also have a couple of those sweets and a couple of bites of cake too, but no where near as much ) i am still kind of shocked that he would be so judgmental and mouth off about me to the rest of my family ( who mosly tried to ignore him from what i heard) everytime i left the room.

    anyway thanks again :)
     
  5. princess_bump

    princess_bump Happy Wife & Mumma!

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    :shock: i think i wouldn't have been able to keep my month shut with your uncle hon and i would have been really disappointed with my mum.
    i think you were doing the right thing, looking after your son, and i'm sorry people felt the need to comment! sounds like your doing great :hugs: xx
     
  6. Vickie

    Vickie Hannah & Rhys <3

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    I agree you can't wrap them in cotton wool but geez I think your uncle is way out of line. We watch Hannah like a hawk at other people's places/in stores etc. because 1) it seems like common courtesy to me and 2) I don't know if or how well these places are child proofed. :wacko: I certainly would wonder if someone let their kid over to my place and let them run around getting into everything (cupboards, food table etc.)
     
  7. lizzieredrup

    lizzieredrup Mum to 5 little men!

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    I think your uncle was way out of line and very rude! When I visit family, I also keep an eye on my little one, he is very much into everything at the moment, I don't follow him around but just keep an eye on him from a distance.
     
  8. beancounter

    beancounter Well-Known Member

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    bet if he went and tipped up food and rooted in cupboards he'd moan you wern't looking after him properly. Some people are just miserable gits!
     
  9. Ratty

    Ratty Well-Known Member

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    Maybe just go up to him when you get there and in a nice way, ask him to please not comment about your parenting. That way you don't make a scene and hopefully he will understand how you feel. Remember that he is from a different generation where they did things slightly differently.

    People also think I'm cruel cause I won't give my son juice or sweets at a party. um.. actually he doesn't like either and will spit it out.
     
  10. Hoping

    Hoping Well-Known Member

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    You were doing exactly what you have to do with a toddler in the house, acting like a responsible parent! You did well not to lose your rag with him in my view!
     
  11. dali

    dali Well-Known Member

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    Thanks again ladies for being so supportive :)
     
  12. isil

    isil Well-Known Member

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    I would have been so upset by those comments - both from your Uncle and your Mum. We've just been away for a couple of wks and it houses you don't know and aren't used to you do have to watch them so carefully! It's not like when you're at home and you know what rooms are safe and what cupboards you feel ok with them going in. I left one of my family members incharge of Alasdair while I was packing our suitcase to go home and I suddenly had a sense that he wasn't being watched properly. I found him in the bathroom sticking his hand into the toilet playing with the water! Jeez families are stressful. Just keeping doing what you know you need to do and try to ignore frustratingly idiotic family members hun! :hugs:
     

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