Family members spilling the beans without permission?

[Bookwrmgal]

So I am almost through the 1st trimester with DH’s and my first baby. I am a pretty private person and one not used to good things happening to me, so I have been extremely hesitant to share the news with people until we are out of the woods. DH had been bursting at the seams to tell his parents, so I agreed to tell them at 6weeks when we saw the HB on the ultrasound. We also agreed to tell DH’s Aunt who is my MIL’s best friend (so she can talk to her about it) with the condition that no one else is to know.

I am estranged from my parents but emailed my father the news at 8.5 weeks, also saying that this is not known information and to not share it. I had no worries about that since my Father responded with interest in only continuing the disagreement that caused me to cut off contact 8 months ago.

Well… my father told my mother (which I knew he would do and was fine with- keeps me from talking to my mother) and they proceeded to tell both of my siblings. I was angry because I was clear I didn’t want the information out there until I was ready to share it. I only knew they told because my sister-in-law texted me. I told my mother in law and was clear at how upset and angry I was that the information was shared without my consent.

This morning my MIL emailed DH and I and mentioned she told one of her close friends. She knew I only allowed them to know because DH pleaded. She knew how upset I was my parents told my brother and sister and yet she proceeded to tell someone I hardly know, before close family and friends know. I feel angry and violated and just don’t know what to do. I am someone who doesn’t trust easily and I feel as though control was taken from me and this is a very big deal. DH emailed her back and she apologized but I just don’t think she gets it. DH understands I am upset but thinks I am overreacting. It’s possible but I can’t help feeling this way. Has anyone else been in similar situation?

 

[Christinee]

Same thing has happened to me too.. A few more people than i want know about my pregnancy.... I told my sister and she told her big mouth husband who told my step sister.... He got chewed out by my sister but I just couldn't believe that he couldn't hold his gossip.... Worse that a girl I swear... I still have bad feelings towards him for that. I feel he just can't be trusted if he can't keep what him and his wife talk about to himself... . And now I feel like I can't even tell my sister anything.

 

[george83]

The same thing happened to me on a much smaller scale - we went for a private scan at 11 weeks so we could tell immediate family at Christmas. My sister and her oh then told his family. They don't know any if our friends or family so it didn't matter but it still annoyed me as we'd made it clear we didn't want to tell anybody. It just made more determined next time to not tell anybody until we were ready for it to be more general knowledge

 

[Christinee]

I think the family members get more excited than we do sometimes and just can't contain themselves. lol

 

[Bookwrmgal]

I understand the excitement but I would have hoped for a little respect of my wishes.
I am glad to know other people understand though!

 

[Christinee]

I understand the excitement but I would have hoped for a little respect of my wishes.
I am glad to know other people understand though!

I totally understand.. I am still disquisted at my brother-in-law and will probably feel that way towards him for a while.

Wanna hear what's even worse.... the step sister he told had just got me a job at her company so she was the last person i wanted to know. Thankfully she didn't make a big deal about it or tell anyone at the place I just got hired at.

 

[misscyn]

In my experience, if you don't want people to know, you basically can't tell ANYONE!
My mother recently told a distant cousin of mine that I was pregnant, knowing that A)I didn't want anyone to know beyond my immediate family, and B)this cousin has been unsuccessfully trying to get pregnant for years! I was so mad. She even told her about my mc earlier this year.
Anyway my mother explained herself by saying she's just too excited and happy... Very frustrating.

 

[TryinFor1]

I told my mom not to tell anyone too. All of a sudden my cousin messaged me on Facebook asking about it, and when I asked who else knew she replied with "everyone knows."

I was pissed and ripped my mom a new one.

 

[LadyHutch]

My <sarcasm> wonderful </sarcasm> step daughter not only told everyone I was pregnant at 5 weeks (couldn't hide it from the kids as I hadn't taken my head out of the toilet in days) but then proceeded to announce gender on facebook before husband or I could. But then again <sarcasm> its all about her anyway </sarcasm>.

EDIT: she moved back in with her mom. I've stopped telling her anything.

 

[Bookwrmgal]

Oh wow LadyHutch, that is horrible!

 

[LadyHutch]

Yeah. We asked her repeatedly not to tell since we have a strong history of MC and didn't want to have to explain that over and over again. But she didn't give a crap about our feelings...never has. Its all about her.


EDIT: and the way she tells people is "poor me, I am going to have to help out around the house since her dad's wife is pregnant and sick." of course, she never lifts a finger and her ida of helping is ordering my 3yo around to pick up her food wrappers and bring her her Iphone.

 

[kiwilove]

aww, im sorry your knews got out sooner then you had hoped. It also happened to me. I told my MIL we werent telling anyone and she went on facebook that night and announced it. So when I miscarried 3 weeks later it was hell to have to tell everyone. Plus getting congratulations coming in from people we hardly knew weeks after the MC. I just found out that im pregnant again. We decided to tell the MIL and my mother but I am certain that they will keep it a secret this time.

 

[eventerjj]

My cousin's mom posted it on Facebook as soon as she found out and they weren't planning to put it out for several more weeks. DH and I are not telling anyone until we have both our families together for vacation/wedding ceremony at which time I will be 11wks. It's a lot easier being in China and keeping it a secret, we only get a chance to talk to family every other week.

 

[Bookwrmgal]

I decided that she doesn't get to know the gender until everyone else does as "punishment". I know she is excited but she spilled the beans just when I was really afraid I lost the baby. The violation of my confidence is a very big deal to me and DH thinks I am overreacting.

Since between my Mother telling god knows who (we don't talk so I have no idea who in my extended family knows since I live almost 2hrs away), and my MIL, DH and I decided we should start telling my Aunt and grandparents this weekend at 11wks. I am still not going to make a general announcement to friends and everyone else until after my NT on the 9th.