Family struggles

[hypnorm]

Oh the joys or families, about 3 weeks ago now we found out that my Bil and his wife have split up. Apparently she found out that he had slept with someone else but the twist is that she is 3 months preg with his child.
Ok he has done wrong and openly admits this and is in one hell of a state.
His wife's parents hate him and had only begun to like him so now they want to do painful things to him.
They both say that they still love each other but just can be toghether at the moment, but her parents have now rented or bought a flat for her to stay in, we all agree that they shouldnt have done this as it means in stead of facing things and sorting things out they have given her the easy option of getting out of things.
I can understand that they are both confused as to what they want, but last night it came out that it isnt the first time he has done it, my hubby thinks that she cant have been supporting him other wise he wouldnt have looked else where. But to be honest i am finding it hard to be sympathetic obviuosly i dont know the full facts and never will but to cheat 3 times is wrong and i wonder to hell why on earth they tried for a baby if they were having problems.
She was supposed to move out this weekend so he made himself scarce for afew hours then when he came back she hadnt moved out at all and said they would so it on sunday, how cruel. so he stayed whilst she moved out yesterday (she hasnt taken all her stuff) she told him that she would be better off if he was dead and there was no way he was going to see his kid when it was born. (He has access to guns) one min she says he is her hubby, then ex hubby then on a split.
I dont think either of them know whats going - he is in councilling, my Mil is a mess trying to support him, my hubby feels so guilty as he is at the other end of the country but spends about an hour a day on the phone to his bawling brother, I'm just feeling drained and depressed My BIL feels he can't talk to me or even come and stay with us because we have our son and it upsets him.
Its all so hard and very depressing... just wanted to rant as i can't to hubby as he is dealing with enough already.

Has any one else experienced or been through this?

 

[Tezzy]

my brother and my sil split up when she was pregnant she also was sleeping with somebody else and also said that my brother couldnt see their child as he has anger management issues. he was never violent to her or anything. she also said that she would move out of their house and then refused to go. in the end my brother packed her stuff for her and put it all outside. cruel i know but it was her fault for sleeping with somebody else.
so my brother didnt have contact with her until Phoebe was born and she called him to come to the hospital saying she wanted to be a family again and that the guy she was seeing didnt want her any more.
so he went to the hospital and agreed to be a dad to Phoebe and that they could work on their relationship.
a few weeks later my brother realised it wasnt going to work as he was doing all the work with the baby while his girlfriend sat around and did nothing. so he broke it off and said he still wanted to be a dad.
she then said again that he couldnt see his daughter. in the end they agreed that he could see Phoebe if her mum (my bros ex) was in the room and so thats the way they do it now. Phoebe is now one and a half and my brother sees her about 3 times a week but under supervision. its nasty as my brother has never been violent to his ex or his daughter but thats the way it goes.

i dont know if this is much help. if u have any more questions ill try and answer them

 

[Cat]

My OHs friend and his girlfriend have been together for 9 years and he keesp cheating on her, she found out about a long running affair of his recently and they split up and then she took him back, they have split up again and just got back together at the weekend and yet she is going away next week and he has got dates arranged with differnt women for 5 of the nights his girlfreind is away. We just keep asking him why the hell he got back together with her. And the problem is weakness, its so easy to stick with what you know instead of just end everything cold turkey and move on. Even when you know a relationship os doomed, its like their is some sort of denial where you try to kid yourself that things are okay. I think very few long term relationships end just like that, they tend to be horrible, resentfull and dragged out where people try to forget the bad things but are to angry too.

It does sound like this relationship has run its course, all I can suggest is to keep out of it and let them get on with it. It may well get worse before it gets better. Nothing worse though than giving your opionions on it and the people involved just to find they resolve things and they know what you said about it/them.

 

[hypnorm]

Thanks for your opinions girls, .

Its such a shame as they always seemed rock solid, i know my hubby is dissapointed in his brother but is also questioning why he did it, as he is not the sort of person you'd think you cheat.

The thing that is causing him them the most upset is the pregnancy - BIL was looking forward to being a dad, but it looks like he may get cut out of everything, which is sad as my MIL loses a grandchild, and Ewan looses a cousin.

All we can do is support him as much as possible without being one sided.
He is a really nice lad, and really works hard to provide for his family, caring and considerate.

I think SIL family are sticking their oar in big time, so it might be better for her to have a flat.. just got to see.

Thanks again

 

[Suz]

It is a sad situation. Hope that everything works out, what ever the outcome ends up being.