Fear, moods and struggling

[helski]

I hope you don't mind me sticking my head into second trimester, I rather feel like I'm straddling first and second tri's at the moment.

I feel a bit weird writing this as it is difficult to put into words. I'm just finding the longer I go through this (my first) pregnancy the more hopeless I feel about it. Apart from a slight bleed at 5 weeks this has been a fairly ok pregnancy, a bit of morning sickness and tiredness but no where near as bad as I have heard other people have experienced.

What I am struggling with is increasing fear about this pregnancy. I can't feel this pregnancy is going to be okay, I'm just convinced something is going to go wrong and no amount of logical thinking, and DH patiently telling me that things are going to be okay is making me feel any different.

I had my 12 week scan this week and everything looked fine. I thought this would help me feel more secure, but it hasn't worked. Now we've 'gone public' that I am pregnant I can't help but feel that I've jinxxed it somehow and that I'll have to tell everyone that I've lost the baby. I don't feel like I want to talk about the baby, I don't want to look at baby things, or buy any maternity clothes or anything. It's not that I don't want the baby, I want it more than anything, it's just that I don't want to let myself get too close to the baby in case something happens.

Am I going mad? Do other women feel like this?

 

[cantwait86]

You are not going mad! You are doing the opposite, you are being NORMAL! I don't know what your history is, but you are being especially normal if you have had miscarriages (like I have) in the past. I went thru the same thing that you are going through now, with the exception that my 12 week scan did make me feel so much better about it all.

You have to think about it this way - Do you want to go through this whole pregnancy thinking that something is "bound to go wrong" at some point, and then realize at the end that you never enjoyed your pregnancy or bonded with your baby while he/she was in your belly - because you were convinced that something would go wrong? I have a friend who did just that and by the time she was in labor she was in a panic because she never thought that she would end up with a beautiful, healthy baby at the end of it all. She couldn't believe it when she brought her son home, that he was really there! Not to mention the fact that she wasn't at all prepared for the baby, because she really wasn't expecting her pregnancy to carry to term.

Just try and do what I did - remind yourself that the likelihood of something going wrong at this point is rare! Envision yourself holding your baby, what he/she will look like, ect. Remember that aside from the things that are in your control (ie. Diet, vitamins, pre-natal care, ect.) it is pretty much in God's hands at this point, and you and your baby peanut have made it pretty far. I was exactly the same about a month ago, and now I just think about getting ready for our munchkin to get here!!

You are def. not crazy though.

 

[helski]

You are not going mad! You are doing the opposite, you are being NORMAL! I don't know what your history is, but you are being especially normal if you have had miscarriages (like I have) in the past. I went thru the same thing that you are going through now, with the exception that my 12 week scan did make me feel so much better about it all.

You have to think about it this way - Do you want to go through this whole pregnancy thinking that something is "bound to go wrong" at some point, and then realize at the end that you never enjoyed your pregnancy or bonded with your baby while he/she was in your belly - because you were convinced that something would go wrong? I have a friend who did just that and by the time she was in labor she was in a panic because she never thought that she would end up with a beautiful, healthy baby at the end of it all. She couldn't believe it when she brought her son home, that he was really there! Not to mention the fact that she wasn't at all prepared for the baby, because she really wasn't expecting her pregnancy to carry to term.

Just try and do what I did - remind yourself that the likelihood of something going wrong at this point is rare! Envision yourself holding your baby, what he/she will look like, ect. Remember that aside from the things that are in your control (ie. Diet, vitamins, pre-natal care, ect.) it is pretty much in God's hands at this point, and you and your baby peanut have made it pretty far. I was exactly the same about a month ago, and now I just think about getting ready for our munchkin to get here!!

You are def. not crazy though.

Thank you so much for your reply, made me cry with relief that I'm not the only one.

 

[Kasia]

I'm a terrible worrywart. For the first few weeks I couldn't wait to tell everyone, DH and I decided to wait till 2nd tri due to a m/c a year ago. Well, 2nd tri came, and he started telling everyone, and I STILL wasn't ready. I also had that fear that I will curse this pregnancy. Mind you, by 12 weeks I had already had 4 ultrasounds, that's how paranoid I am! So try not to worry, I'm doing my best to keep calm myself

 

[seoj]

First, it's totally normal to have some worries hun... we all have from time to time. I worry less now, as I'm farther along and gotten lots of confirmation all is OK. But early on, even with all the scans and blood work- there were moments- but the truth is, odds are all will be PERFECT!!! I know that doesn't alleviate all your worries this moment... but in time, it will help. Each scan, each week that passes, each doctor visit etc... they all add up to a healthy and happy baby. Which begins to free our minds of the concern. Not totally mind you- I don't think I'll ever feel 100% worry free till baby arrives... even then, it just turns into a different kind of worry.

You are a mom now... and this being your first pregnancy, maybe you feel SO lucky and blessed that you feel it's not totally real? I really struggled with that in the very beginning as we were TTC for so long... and I felt like "wow- I finally have all I want in life" so how can I be this lucky? lol.

I'm sure all is fine, and no, you didn't jinx anything hun... think of it this way- now you have more love and support towards this baby than ever before. So take solace in that and lean on your family and loved ones when you need that reassurance It can only help!

Best of luck sweetie...