This is really really hard for me to write. To admit to. So please don't slay me. Think I need some help, some outside perspective. Don't know if I'm suffering from a touch of PND or if I'm just an awful mum... I have three gorgeous sons. A 4 year old and (nearly)7 months old twins. My eldest was my world. For four years he had my undivided love and attention. He's always been a very hyperactive, cheeky, talkative boy. Now that the twins have come along, I find it really hard to show him affection and I find myself constantly angry with him I find that the things that I loved most about his character (his talkativeness and cheekiness) seems to wind me up the wrong way and get me angry as he keeps playing up, getting up to mischief, constantly talking (and waking the twins up) etc. I'm just so exhausted from the twins, from the sleepless nights, from the constant breastfeeding, constantly carrying around two heavy babies (usually one on each hip) that when it comes to my eldest I am left emotionally & physically drained and have no patience when he plays up. I find myself constantly telling him off for acting up (which he's doing alot lately as he's feeling jealous, which I can understand) and feeling resentful cos I feel so tired and feel like he should know better and stop being so naughty. Then when I put him to bed at night I sit there in the dark on my own, flooded with guilt, thinking I'm such a bad mum and wondering what the heck is wrong with me and ending up in tears. Don't get me wrong, I love him to pieces. He's my first born, my baby, my world. So why can't I show it to him anymore Why can't I give him the attention and the cuddles he so desperately needs?? Please help as I don't know what to do anymore, feel horrible and more importantly my little boy keeps telling his daddy his mummy doesnt love him anymore I spoke to a HV today (first time I met her, she's new to me) and she said she'll be back on wed to have another chat and make plans (whatever that means). Has anyone else been through this?? Wha'ts wrong with me??