Feel so lost today

[sjg333]

Hi, since my miscarriage I've tried my hardest to carry on with life as 'normal' and done pretty ok at it, although I sat down today and realized I should be 15 weeks gone now, by now I would have told my family and friends I was expecting and it should be a really happy exciting time. Now I've thought about this I just feel so down that I'm not going through any of that. This would have been both mine and my boyfriends first child and we were so excited when I found out I was pregnant.
I feel really lonely today, I only told my mum and one friend I was pregnant to start with and then that I lost the baby and I feel they don't really understand what a blow it was to me. I tried talking to my boyfriend about it today and explain how I'm feeling and the reasons and he was supportive but I felt like he wasn't really bothered about himself, like he was sad for just me but not both of us, when he should be sad for both of us because it's his baby too!
Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get it all out somewhere!

 

[SleepyBaby]

I went for 1st scan today, we didnt see any baby in there, im gutted and crying alot, my husband to be, is sitting playing ps3 like we went to kfc instead of hospital earlier, its hard times, maybe if you explain to your mum how much your hurting she might be more supportive? from my experiance men just dont get it, they know the facts but dont get excited until alot further along.

Its hard as hell,, this will be my 2nd miscarriage in 9 weeks but as lonely as it is atm it gets easier to live with, my fella is in the mindset " we can wait a while and try again and all will be good" he doesnt get if we do that this still happened, the last pregnancy still happened! be sad with me, show me im not alone here!

hope your ok, if none of above made sense its cause im all over the place today, hope you are ok x x

 

[sjg333]

Thanks for your reply.... I'm so sorry to hear about both of your losses, I can't even imagine how tough that must be for you right now.
You're right about men not really getting as excited about pregnancy until a lot further on, and my boyfriend is the same as your future hubby with the 'we'll just try again'. We shouldn't have to try again we should have a healthy baby on the way now... Life is so cruel.

Again I am so sorry to hear about the day you've had today, I would have honestly thrown the ps3 out of the window by now at the very least I'm so thankful for this site and having the opportunity to talk to others that actually understand... I'm here if you want to talk or cry or rant... Sending hugs xx

 

[jumpingo]

my husband escapes to video games too we all have our own coping mechanisms and ways with "dealing." i'm sure my uncontrollable crying is just as frustrating to him. ha.

that said, i would make sure you let him know that you also need to talk/cuddle/just get out of the house together/whatever it is you need from him. i am realizing so much how important it is to let my husband know what i need; they are just as gutted sometimes but it's not "acceptable" for them to cry and i think, at least my husband, thinks he has to always be stoic and "it's okay, we'll be okay" when he is actually heartbroken too.

surprisingly, he is the one who wants people to talk about it. he wrote an email to all his friends/coworkers/people on base who knew and told them we lost the baby. he explained to them that i would prefer not to have it brought up in conversation, but that he was willing to talk and directed all traffic to him and away from me. sorry, i know this is totally unrelated, but just sort of an example (i guess?) of figuring out between the two of you what works for the two of you.

i don't even know where to begin grieving. all i have managed is to cry, pretty much ALL day. sigh.

hang in there - you're not alone.

 

[Spudtastic]

Jumpingo - your husband sounds absolutely amazing. What a keeper.

I worry about how my husband reacts too. I worry he has no one to talk to about our miscarriages. Sometimes I think he is being too blasé. He doesn't get it when he tries to talk to me about work issues (we own our own business) and goes on and on about it. He wants a reaction from me and I tell him I don't care I have other things on my mind (I'm currently waiting to miscarry as I have had an mmc).

I worry he's bottling it up because he doesn't show it the way I do. Perhaps your partners are the same. If I liked computer games playing them would certainly take my mind of things. I wouldn't have to think about it at all.

I know my husband was so excited about this one and had already been talking about what kind of things we'd do with the kids. ( we have a daughter).

Ladies I'm sorry for your losses and big hugs.