Feeling apprehensive..

[smile7060]

Hi everyone! I haven't been here in awhile... and I am WWT as well, most likely till summer 2017. Its driving me nuts. Originally we had talked about trying this fall, but looks like we might have to move that, reason being that I would in fact like to be married. I thought maybe it wasn't SO important... but I have kind of decided that I would like that experience.


My bf and I went to look at rings the other day Im really excited for our life, and I feel like things are finally falling in to place in a lot of ways..

But I have this nag in the back of my mind about not being able to have kids I know that I have read SO many posts on this and it seems like it is fairly normal to worry about this. I will be 30 when he TTC hopefully. We talked about it last night and I said I wasn't really willing to budge on that time frame. He's more worried about debt, but I have no time to wait for debt at this point. I feel like my clock is screaming at me some days.

Any advice? I read that 85 percent of women get a BFP between the ages 29-39 in the first year. That is reassuring, but how accurate is it really?

I drive myself crazy lurking on some of these posts.

 

[bonniebeams]

Hi Smile,

I completely understand! We have been putting it off and putting it off, and I just keep getting older and older!

I wouldn't worry about it, just like you've read, most women have no problem within a year. The internet is a wonderful and terrible thing. The best thing to do is stay away from reading the forums that scare you. Stress can make conceiving even harder!!

Good luck with your wedding! Try to focus on that and being excited!

 

[CaliDreaming]

You've got to realize that sites like this distort reality. Women who have problems conceiving are going to be much more likely to post on a board like this than those who don't, so it kind of skews reality. That 85% sounds pretty accurate to me, probably even on the low side.

I can understand why you're so anxious, but it would be a shame to spend so much energy worrying about something that will probably never happen instead of enjoying all the good things in your life right now. That is what my friend calls "borrowing trouble".

It's good that you're not taking your fertility for granted though. If you find yourself unable to shake these fears,maybe you could go ahead and get checked out by an OB/GYN. Also, you can start making healthy changes to your lifestyle, if you haven't already, that will help make sure you have a healthy pregnancy, like eating right, taking supplements, etc.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage!

 

[smile7060]

Thanks

It does make sense about women writing more often than not on boards.. it is the same with people who have IBS, etc, who seek out support groups I suppose, the ones who are struggling a bit post, where as the ones that are doing well with IBS do not post...

I have to remind myself of this..

To be honest I was thinking today about my life, and I really think that at this point I am the best person that I can possibly be. If I had of tried to have a child earlier or did earlier, I think it would have been a whole lot harder and extremely complicated. I did not have a relationship that was strong enough to bring a child in to it, until now. I had lots of great relationships of course, but nothing like the one I am currently in. It is a much different kind of love, a really stable fulfilling kind and I couldn't imagine having a baby with anyone else... that's kind of how you know your ready I am guessing

It was such a big step to go look at rings the other day, and I feel so excited to get engaged and married.. I kind of feel like I waited SO long.. but it was worth the wait. I have wanted to get married and try for babies since my early twenties. Not seriously of course, but it was always in the back of my mind since I was very, very young.
I can't imagine something more important to me.

I also just got back from Australia for a month in January, and last year I went to Europe for a month as well. Things I would have never done that was able to do before settling down, and for that I am grateful I am healthier than I have ever been, more confident than I have ever been, and I genuinely like who I am.

I have been reading blogs about moms having babies in their thirties, and read a post where it was indicated that the best "mean age" to have a baby was 31. That made me feel better. My BF and I had a talk tonight over dinner about trying for a baby. I brought it up again because I really needed to KNOW that he was on board. Even though we have a year to wait, I don't want there to be any surprises or cold feet when it does come time to try. I told him it wasn't exactly up for debate anymore, and that I had waited long enough

He did say yes though, that he was on board, so that was good. I feel better about the whole thing now. I told him that I wanted to try for a baby on my birthday next year in May or just after. I took him sky diving for HIS 30th, last year so I always knew he was going to have to top that.... hahha so I told him tonight he just needed to try to knock me up in a year, pretty simple, don't even need to buy me a cake.. hahah just take me to bed. lol.... he just laughed but agreed. All of our friends around us are having kids. I only have a few left that don't yet, and I am sure within the next year or two they will have them as well. One is older than me, (33) and just found a partner and one is younger by a year and a half (28 this year in Dec) and doesn't have a BF yet. Im glad I still have a couple around me..... I should also mention that I had an ultrasound in Dec because I was concerned about damage that could have been caused by an STI that I had years and years ago now. I had a jerk of an ex boyfriend My DR. was so good and patient with me, and she tried to reassure me that I was ok. I only had the STI for a short period of time compared to a lot of other who contract it, so she thinks I am perfectly fine and did not find any swelling or endometriosis or anything when the pictures from my ultrasound were sent to her. She even called me the evening she got them to make sure that I knew I was ok.

My friend who is 34 just had her first baby last January, and she worried a whole lot too.. but conceived at cycle three. That also gives me hope too.

I guess I just need to keep the faith that things work out in time when they are supposed too. I do feel better tonight v.s yesterday, I had a lot of anxiety that I couldn't seem to shake yesterday.

Thanks again



Jenn

You've got to realize that sites like this distort reality. Women who have problems conceiving are going to be much more likely to post on a board like this than those who don't, so it kind of skews reality. That 85% sounds pretty accurate to me, probably even on the low side.

I can understand why you're so anxious, but it would be a shame to spend so much energy worrying about something that will probably never happen instead of enjoying all the good things in your life right now. That is what my friend calls "borrowing trouble".

It's good that you're not taking your fertility for granted though. If you find yourself unable to shake these fears,maybe you could go ahead and get checked out by an OB/GYN. Also, you can start making healthy changes to your lifestyle, if you haven't already, that will help make sure you have a healthy pregnancy, like eating right, taking supplements, etc.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage!

 

[MindUtopia]

I think you're being really thoughtful about all this. As someone who started having babies in her 30s, I would say enjoy the time you have now together and don't stress about your age or the timing too much. My husband and I got married when I was 30, just about to turn 31, and we had our daughter when I was 32. I am so thankful that we waited and had time to ourselves and got to be selfish for that little bit. Being a parent is wonderful and it's by far the most enjoyable and rewarding thing I've done in my life (and I've done a lot of enjoyable, fun, rewarding things), but it does change things, in your life and your relationship. You don't ever really get to have those days back (or at least not til your kids are older) when you can really just enjoy being together and make life all about yourselves. Personally, that was really special about getting married for us. It was just a special day that was all about us and we had a lovely honeymoon, one of the last times we've been able to travel alone as a couple, and some fun times just enjoying being a couple in the time we had after that.

I have friends who had their daughter about the same time as us, but who got married when she was maybe about a year and a half. I went to their wedding and it was lovely. But they just couldn't really enjoy it being about them. My friend was breastfeeding her daughter in her wedding dress upstairs for like an hour during the reception and then they had to take her and put her to bed when it got late. They did manage one night away alone, but then their honeymoon was a family trip to the beach for a week. That's all really nice and they truly had a lovely time. But they couldn't really be selfish and make it a day about themselves or really relax or get to spend as much time with their guests as we did. That's not to say it's all about a wedding, because it really is just one day and it's not going to be the most important day ever even if it seems like it should be. But I think that's really emblematic of just how life changes when you have a child. I really appreciate looking back that we had that time together as a couple and as newlyweds and getting to really just enjoy life together without the stresses of a family. We really made the most of it before we had our daughter and that helps to make us feel like we aren't missing out on too much now that we can't do the things we used to.

As for age, I wouldn't let it panic you. People have fertility problems when they're 20 or they can get pregnant easily with their first without really trying (my friend did!) at 40. Unless you know you have some health issues that would predispose you to infertility, I would assume you can get pregnant easily. I got pregnant the 2nd month after coming of the pill (after about 13 years on it straight) when I was 31. It was fine. I had a lovely straightforward, easy pregnancy and a wonderful birth. We won't be trying to get pregnant with our second before I turn 36 and I'll probably be 37 when I give birth. My friend got pregnant with both of her children the first month she came off the pill, both times in her 30s. She never even had time to have a period first. She was pregnant straight way! So I think try to stay positive about it all and don't feel rushed. It sounds like you're being really thoughtful about it all and that's great. The time will come along faster than you realise it will!