feeling bad for OH.

nic18

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so last night when he came in from work we had a full blown argument, went on for quite a while and then we started arguing about TTC, he said he thinks when i get upset when AF shows every month that i'm blaming him for it-which i'm not. i always say 'aw my OH is so laidback about TTC' and kind of slating it cause i don't think he cares as much, but last night he sat and said that he goes through the same every month just doesn't show it because he needs to be strong for me. now i feel awful about moaning every month and not really considering his feelings and feel bad for saying i didn't think he cared as much :(
 
Hi nic18, it definitely goes to show that men aren't always the insensitive idiots that we sometimes think they are :lol:

It's nice that he is feeling the same as you, and you're not on your own, but don't feel bad for not realising. If he hides it then you can't be expected to guess that he feels the same amount of disappointment, as so many guys don't. And when you get disappointed month after month it's hard not to be grumpy or down about it, it doesn't mean you are taking it out on oh.

I don't think my oh is that bothered, he wants a baby mainly because he knows I want one, and so when I am upset each month it hurts his for that reason, but I don't think he truly feels the same level of disappointment as me. But maybe I'm wrong and he is just hiding it well like yours!

Anyway, don't feel bad. :flower:
 
snickersbar - thank you i really needed to hear that :)! sometimes i feel like i'm going crazy and think i'm in the wrong. your right it does show that they are not insensitive like we think! i'm sure your OH is the exact same, you know how guys are about feelings!
good luck ttc :) fx x
 
He may actually be worried that it is his fault, and that's why he thinks you are blaming him. I was really surprised after we got back the results of his sperm count how relieved OH was that his count was normal. I also didn't think he cared as much the first months of trying. He has shown me that he does care, he just doesn't show it the same way I do.

Hope it gets easier for you guys and good luck ttc!
 
I agree, if they don't communicate then we don't know. They don't need to get all out emotional, just say that they are disappointed but are looking forward to trying again. I would be the same way nic18.

And ashleyy84, you may be onto something about the man thinking it's his fault.
 
It's great to hear when they're feeling bad about it, because sometimes we wouldn't know otherwise! I just had a chemical, but it was a very emotional horrid time for me. DH and I have been fighting very badly since we found out. Last night after our latest brawl, he sat and talked, and he said he was very tore up about losing the baby. Up until this point, he really didn't seem like he cared.
 
ashleyy84- this could be true! never thought of that, i don't know weather to bring anything up about it because we have obv made up and stuff now, or should i just leave it? i hope he doesn't think it's his fault it's nobodys fault we just need to get our timing perfect :(! thank you & good luck to you aswell :) x

TTC first- i know we don't know how they feel unless they communicate, but like you say they don't need to be as upset/emotional about it as we get, but it would be nice just to hear that he is disappointed as me every month when AF shows, i know he is but would be nice if he showed it :) good luck to you ttc :)x

jcombs35- first of all i am so sorry to hear you had a chemical :( i know its hard for men to show there emotions but they are our partners and it's nice to see sometimes they do actually care as much as we do :) good luck to you aswell :) x
 
I completely understand! My bf and I got into a huge argument after TTC for a few months and it was brought up...he told me he didn't think we should try anymore for a while (which absolutely killed me btw) and when I asked if he changed his mind and didn't want this with me, because that is where my mind went automatically, he said no...it is because every month when I see that negative, I cry and am upset all day and he feels like he isn't making me happy, but doesn't know what else he can do. :( I felt so selfish after he told me that because I didn't think it mattered as much to him...
 
That's sweet of him. I know my DH gets really upset when I tell him I started bleeding. I think he's even more upset than I am.
 
Poor guy :( I think some men really REALLY want it...more than we do...
 
When I start bleeding and tell him about it, he always asks if I will be ok cause I guess I look sad even when I am trying not to
 
Sounds like we all got lucky and got great men that care a lot about us! I probably wouldn't bring it up unless the same situation arises. Then just let him know how you feel about it. It doesn't matter why it's happening, y'all just have to get through it together. :) Also, keep in mind that no one knows your relationship like you. I have a friend who immediately brings up any problem and discusses it asap. I feel like I'm nagging if I do that, so I give him some wiggle room. Just depends on how you two work best.
 
spoke to him about it & i reassured him that i was not blaming him, but i will get upset every month when AF shows! & he said well come to me & we can have our upset moment together, which i found quite cute! & ashleyy84 you are right we have all got lucky with our men!
 
Ah what a sweet thing of him to say! It's so nice to hear of supportive men. x
 
spoke to him about it & i reassured him that i was not blaming him, but i will get upset every month when AF shows! & he said well come to me & we can have our upset moment together, which i found quite cute! & ashleyy84 you are right we have all got lucky with our men!

I love it nic18! That's really sweet.:D
 
thank you ladies for your advice :) x
 
I didn't think my DH cared as much when we trying either. Our first 2 were surprises. We tried for 18mos for #3 and had numerous m/c's. I didn't realize how upsetting the m/c's were for him initially. With our last one I got to 9wks and when we lost the baby he was heartbroken and I encouraged him to talk to me about it. It actually made me feel less alone and in a way it was really nice to know that he wanted it as much as me. They say men don't get attached before/during pregnancy, and that may be he case for some. However, a lot of guys do. Mine does more so after my first pregnancy. Take heart knowing you're going through it together. Good luck:hugs:
 
tatormom-i know its nice having them to talk to! it certainly does it make it feel less lonley! i'm sorry you had m/c :( x
 

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