Feeling conflicted

[Pipistrelle]

Hi Ladies,

I am 36 years old and I am about to embark on a new career. I am nearly through with the first part of my unpaid internship, and will complete the second half by the end of September. I will graduate in December.

My 37th birthday is next month, and I feel like my time is running out. I have a wonderful fiance who has been really eager to get started. Foolishly, I allowed hormones and his persuasion to get the better of me over the weekend, and had sex knowingly while ovulating. Now I am regretting the decision.

I don't even know if I can get pregnant as we've never tried, but I will begin looking for a job in September, and obviously doing that while pregnant will be a challenge. At the same time, I feel as though if we do run into problems while trying to conceive, I would rather know now, so that I have at least a bit more time to play with, rather than next year.

Has anyone else out there been faced with the same dilemma? I have worked hard to get where I am, but I am no so career driven that it would take priority over a family.

 

[spicyorange]

I'm not career driven so I can't say but no one ever said in old age, I wish I'd spent less time with my kids and more time at work...! That's never a great time in your career to have kids but it's up to you to decide what's most important, whist being I'm mind no decision is a decision by default.

 

[ktod]

Please don't be offended but I would be TTC at 36 rather than focusing on a career. There is only so much time to have a baby and I'm a bit fan of sooner rather than later.

 

[tverb84]

Please don't be offended but I would be TTC at 36 rather than focusing on a career. There is only so much time to have a baby and I'm a bit fan of sooner rather than later.

I totally agree.

 

[Leggiero]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, I can see why you're so conflicted. I understand the desire to move forward with your career at this early stage of your professional development, but the way I see it, putting your career progress on hold to have a baby may not be all that detrimental to your career goals in the long-run. Your education and experience are very recent and will still be relevant for at least a few years down the road -if you can afford it, taking a few months to have a baby will not erase your career progress. It would arguably be more difficult for a mid-career employee to take the time off, for example, if they had to risk losing their seniority. If you got pregnant today, you would still have your youth, education, and recent internship experience to offer any potential employers a few months after the baby is born.

Having a rewarding career and having a baby are both beautiful goals - but one of them has more of an "expiry date" than the other. If I had to choose one, I would prioritize TTC right now, in your shoes. You'll be more likely to achieve both of your goals if you TTC now, whereas if you prioritize your career, you may miss out on the chance to conceive.

 

[Mrs.Gj]

Beautifully said Leggerio. I fully agree with this, especially about it being more difficult mid career if you're working towards seniority or a promotion.

 

[KalonKiki]

I'm going to hop on the "TTC now" band wagon. You will always have time to advance in your career, but you won't always have the chance to have a baby. There will also always be promotions and other things at work that could get in the way of TTC. It's better to start trying for a baby now when your career is still in its early stages and you're still fairly young rather than risking seniority and possibly your chance to ever become a mother by prioritizing your career.

 

[Pipistrelle]

Thank you so much for all your comments. I think I was hit with a million and one fears, but I agree with what you're all saying. I have a very narrow window, and it's closing. I think my biggest fear was surrounding finances, and I was hoping to graduate and land a job to be able to contribute. But I've heard plenty of friends and family say that you make it work, if it's what you really want, and I've realized that it really is. I think I was waiting for that perfect time, and I know that realistically, there isn't one.

I'm trying to get over the fears, and the 'what-if's.' Thank you all for your honesty, it has really helped me to put things into perspective.

 

[Symphony7]

I see your status changed to TTC. Congratulations and good luck on your journey!