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Feeling depressed, too many unknowns

axolotl22

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DH and I have not used any birth control for the last 14 months and still no baby. Several of those months, though, we definitely missed the window due to illness, surgeries, DH being too tired, etc., so there are only some of those months I am certain we did it "right"...still, I am 38 years old and feel I am running out of time. Everyone else I know seems to get pregnant without any of this hassle, without knowing anything about how their body works, and I am doing fertility yoga, acupuncture, myriad tests and scans, supplements, on an incredibly restricted diet and obsessively using opks and trying to get DH to BD on this day or that day (sometimes to no avail). I have a fibroid which is partially subserosal and partially intramural; it supposedly does not distort the cavity but I am worried it may be having some other effect such as reduced blood supply to the uterus. My cycles are completely irregular, making timing difficult even with opks because I have to suddenly interrupt my husband's very busy schedule and say, "It has to be today!!" with no warning. Thousands of dollars have already been spent in the past on polyp and fibroid removal, and now spending at a minimum another $500 or so per month on acupuncture, supplements and doctors. I know people spend MUCH more than we have, but we don't have much left to spend, and our insurance covers nothing. DH doesn't seem to care about this as much as I do and still has not gone in for semen analysis (I'm afraid he might have at least a mild form of retrograde ejaculation). He always comforts me when I burst into tears after yet another pregnancy announcement from a friend, but I feel alone because it's so hard to get him to BD on the right days, much less go in for procedures, and it seems that none of this ever even crosses his mind until I start crying. I'm beginning to feel depressed, waking up every day with a sick feeling of sadness, dread, and failure. Don't want to see people or do anything. I feel like I am inferior to other women, like it's some kind of magical power that everyone has but me. I know none of this is true and it's just my head talking, but I'm so tired of it. So sorry to be negative, hopefully I can shut up and stop feeling sorry for myself now. Things could be so much worse.
 
I'm so sorry you're feeling so down but I completely understand, firstly don't loose hope because of your age, I was 41 almost 42 when I gave birth to my now one year old so there is still plenty of time, I did suffer two losses at 12 then 11 weeks before my son and at that time it was only taking me one to two months to conceive but we are struggling now as have been trying for 10 months for what will be our last, I've had two chemical pregnancies/early losses in that time and am starting to loose hope a little now, I also find it hard when I see pregnant women and I'm truly truly grateful for my children but it still hurts to think I may never have another, have you tried temping? I temp and use opks and it gives you a much clearer idea of your cycles and when you ovulate, as you can ovulate 1 to 3 days after a positive opk you may be bd on the wrong days, also its important to bd on the two days leading up to ovulation as sperm can take anything from 1 hour to 1 day to reach their destination, hope that helps and anything else please ask:) xxxxxx
 
I understand :hugs:, I am in my 40's and thankfully still having regular cycles , but I often feel like its not going to happen for us , we have been trying for 6 years and over the last two years I have come to accept that I will be okay if it never happens ( took me a long time to get to that point). DH has slightly lower then normal sperm count. we were lucky enough to conceive twice but both were early m/c. we were referred to a fertility center 5 years ago by my obgyn we had testing done but DH decided he was completely against accepting medical help to conceive,now I feel like its too late , if I were to walk in there today I know they would tell me im too old. so I am taking ubiquinol and wheatgrass and a healthy diet to help my old eggs and DH is taking a multi vitamin for men and Maca and ubiquinol ,so we'll see if anything happens.
 
Lisa I really hope what youre doing helps and I wish you masses of luck xxx
 

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