Feeling different about TTC this time

Discussion in 'TTC After A Loss' started by Charm23, Jan 18, 2019.

  1. Charm23

    Charm23 Well-Known Member

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    I've noticed how very different I feel TTC this time around. Before, I was very positive towards the idea, excited and longing to get pregnant. This time I just feel so odd about it. I do want to have kids but I don't feel as much longing for it. Has anyone felt similar to this? I'm guessing it's because I'm still getting over the emotional side of the mc and part of me doesn't want to have to risk going through that again.

    I've also decided (at least for now) not to take any pregnancy tests. My thinking is, if I take one and it's negative it might lower my mood even further. If I take one and its positive, I'll start stressing over losing the pregnancy. So by not finding out I'm in a semi-happy middle spot?

    Anyone else feel like this after their loss?
     
  2. mara16jade

    mara16jade Mommy of 2 little boys

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    When my dh and I got married, we started trying for kids on our honeymoon - even though the timing was off. lol We had been together for 12 years by that point and didn't want to waste another month of starting a family. We got our son on the second month of actually timing it right.

    Fast forward to when our son was 1.5yo and we decided to go for it again. Took 4 months and I had a CP. It shattered my world. Never knew you could love and want something so much when it was barely there to have. That was almost 3 years ago to the day now. And I was never the same. My first baby left me with happy, easy going thoughts of TTC. It was so instant and easy. I was happily unaware of the horrors of losing a pregnancy...and secondary unexplained infertility (what we were finally "diagnosed" with).

    It eventually took IVF and a lot of anger, tears and depression to get our little Alex, our second son. And when I think about ttc or getting a bfp, it scares the living shit out of me.

    So yes, I do understand, and you are NOT alone. TTC is not for the faint of heart. :hugs:
     
    Charm23 likes this.
  3. Cinderella

    Cinderella Pregnant with number 1

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    I don’t think I can be quite so eloquent as as previous poster who pretty much sums it up...

    But I was so excited to get pregnant first go (using a donor so seemed amazing that it would be so easy) the baby was so wanted. By 7 weeks baby was already named, I had everything planned out for the next 18yrs practically. (I’ve wanted this for a long time). Every day I would tell myself how slim the possibility was of miscarrying and that I only needed this to work once. I crossed my fingers, I prayed, everything was going well... then I woke with cramps and bleeding and it was all over. I cried solidly for 2 weeks.
    It’s 10 months later and I haven’t been pregnant since and I’m terrified of it happening. Obviously I want it to happen, but the shine has gone completely. I don’t think I’ll be able to allow myself to be excited until baby is in my arms. It’s hard to remain positive. I only have miscarriage as the outcome to pregnancy so I’ve got nothing else to go off.
    I wish you luck, it’s horrid that any of us to go through this, just know that you’re not alone.
     
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  4. Charm23

    Charm23 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you ladies. I feel a bit better knowing I'm not alone in feeling different about it this time around. I'm sorry you both had to go through that x
     
    mara16jade likes this.

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