Feeling down today about our situation :( Longish rant

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Sini, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. Sini

    Sini Well-Known Member

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    Feeling a bit down today for several reasons. Mainly because we have a) nowhere to live thats gonna be suitable for a baby, b) not enough money coming in and c) problems with OH family.

    Me and my OH have been together for over 6 years. He suffers from quite a severe disability which is indefinite and progressive. He is therefore on benefits and needs help with some daily activities. Ive worked full time and along side that helped my OH as much as I can. Now Im not working and obviously not getting the money in we need really. We have been living with my OH parents because he does relay on his family to help when Im not about.

    Now we have this surprise baby on its way, we will need a bigger place to live to accommodate OH needs and the baby's. My in laws arents too happy as we are not married (they are quite traditional Asian family) and there is tension daily and I can see it exploding very soon.

    We wont be able to afford a nice private house as I will be taking care of the baby and being a carer for my OH. Being on benefits isnt gonna take us very far. I dont have ANY family in the UK to help and OH family dont have the time, money, energy, will etc what not to help really. So it seems our only option will be council housing. We've spoken to them and due to our circumstances we will be quite high priority but I doubt we will get something suitable in a blink of an eye.

    This makes me very worried, which in turn makes me stressed, which makes me struggle to sleep, which makes me tired.... Im sure you get the picture.. I feel like I cant take care of myself enough now as we have got so much on our plate. It feels like everything is against us. It might be a bit dramatic but I dont really see many happy ways outta this situation.

    Im not one to feel sorry for myself or think "ah its not fair". I just wish we'd get a bit of good news and Id manage to cheer up and stop being such an emotional and worrying cow.

    There arent many people I can tell this to, because I dont wanna worry my family, upset OH family and I dont really have friends Id like to share things like this with so its nice I feel comfortable sharing it with BnB :)

    Thanks if you managed to read through my rant! I guess I just want my mom really for hugs LOL. What a grown up I am.

    :hugs:
     
  2. charxxx

    charxxx Mum & Expecting again

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    I'm kinda in the same situation except my bf doesnt have a disability and we dont live together.. We both live with our parents and its driving me mad because I already share a room with my daughter I dunno what I'm gunna do when I have this baby :wacko:

    Is there any kind of housing assosiation that can help you find a house that would be lower rent? I know its easy for other people to say because as I say I know what your going through but with your bf's disability you may be entitled to a house?

    Hope things look up for you soon xx
     
  3. cantwaitforu

    cantwaitforu Mom of two boys and prego

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    That is a lot to have on your plate. It will work out. Somehow, these difficult situations find a way to work themselves out, or we as humans just adapt very quickly to new circumstances we find ourselves in.

    My BFF found out she was pg (with her ex who she wasn't with and who didn't even live in the same city) the same week she got laid off, while renting a room in a friend's house. She didn't have a dime, and had a small but strong support system. I'm not going to lie - it was hard for her, but things have worked out. She and her baby are happy and healthy.

    I'm not too sure what it's like in the UK, but are there services that you can access for support? The financial/family issue is one thing, but I bet if you had a counselor or even a doctor you were close with, you may find some relief in confiding in someone you trust.

    I hope you feel better soon and that everything works out. I'm sure it will - just stay positive and have some faith.

    :hugs:
     
  4. Sini

    Sini Well-Known Member

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    We have been in touch with local housing associations. Everything seems to be moving soooooo slowly. I feel like screaming IM PREGNANT, NEARLY PENNILESS AND IN TROUBLE - HELP ME!

    Because of our situation, it is hard enough to find a suitable house or accommodation that fits OH needs, let alone now I feel like we are on a time limit.

    My OH has a social worker, occupation therapist, health visitor... All these people know our situation and their response is pretty much "council doesnt have money to help really". Its really annoying as its not like my OH wants to claim and be on benefits and its not like I want to be jobless and have to claim etc.. We are not here to take advantage of the system and milk money outta the council..

    Thanks for your replies tho. Brought a smile to my face just knowing someone bothered to read!

    I know we are not the only couple or family in trouble, it just seems like too much at times.

    xx
     
  5. Sarah24

    Sarah24 Mummy to Finley

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    I've worried about money and housing too, obviously not as serious as what you're going through but all the same I understand that stress. Even with 2 full time incomes money is really tight.

    The hard part must be the waiting, the council take their damn time. Useless bunch of busy bodies. How far away are your family?

    Hang in there hun, where there's a will there's a way : ) xxxx
     
  6. Sini

    Sini Well-Known Member

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    My family lives in Finland and im in the UK so too far to help.

    I know we arent going to die and we can stay in this little bedroom with daily arguements, nasty comments and aggro from the MIL and Co. I just didnt see us having a baby this way in this situation. I think thats whats shocked me.

    Eventually something will come through with the council. They will have to help my OH because of his condition end of the day. I just hope we get somewhere before this all turns into a terrible nightmare.

    The bedroom we have at the moment just about allows my OH to move around with his mobility aids. It does have mold, draft and all sorts, which I wouldnt be too happy to put my LO through.. My OH said for me to go to Finland and stay with family until something is sorted. But I cant leave him here to fight for himself while im living the high life back with my family. My OH suffers from episodes of depression due to his condition and goes close to giving up on life and Im definately not leaving him now when he needs me the most.

    I just gotta try be patient and positive and wait for council to help us out :)
     
  7. hulahoop09

    hulahoop09 Mum to lg and pg #2

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    Oh gosh I cant imagine how difficult things are for you but I really hope something sorts out soon for you!

    xx
     
  8. sarah2409

    sarah2409 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: Hope you get things sorted out soon hun x
     
  9. puddycats

    puddycats mummy to jake

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    sorry your going through this and ur not able to get much help at the moment, i know this may be impossible but would it be easier if you and ur oh was to move to finland and live with your family, you seem a lot more understanding than his family xx
     
  10. Sini

    Sini Well-Known Member

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    It would be great if we lived in Finland... Id have everything sorted in a flash living wise.

    My OH condition is serious. He needs his sister, brother, dad.. alot in life to manage and stay positive. He trains dogs to keep active and keep himself sane. To move all of that to a different country would be really hard. Finland gets really cold at winter and he cant handle cold temperature and struggles even in the UK winters..

    Id love moving to Finland to be a valid option, id take it without hesitating.
     
  11. Sarah24

    Sarah24 Mummy to Finley

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    You've done everything you can, all you can do is keep checking with the council. But don't take the burden on your own. No one likes to worry their family but you need a support system there. They could help you get on your feet at least until you can find somewhere I'm sure. Xx
     
  12. Sini

    Sini Well-Known Member

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    Its a waiting game im afraid. Its heartbreaking for my OH as he feels its all his fault and he is putting me in this situation etc. Which in turn makes him more depressed, which makes his condition worse..which makes him more depressed...

    We will be ok.. We got each other and we will give this baby the best we can. I know my family will help where they can.
     
  13. Sarah24

    Sarah24 Mummy to Finley

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    Exactly, you've got each other and a lovely little one on the way : ) fingers crossed your luck changes xx
     
  14. missmayhem

    missmayhem Mummy to 2 little cuties

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    were abouts in the UK do you live sweety?


    could you get housing allowance and rent privetly??

    there will be a solution it may just take time to find, also not sure of you OH's condition but my mum has MS, and the MS society have specialised people to help with this kind of situation, help with benefits etc......

    may be worth a look into
     
  15. keeks1987

    keeks1987 Due baby2 in April

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    I'm so sorry things are tough. Hopefully they'll get sorted out soon xx
     

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