Feeling guilty as hell :(

[lou belle]

So here's the thing I'm 23, OH (not married) 25, we moved in together the start of this year and it's been wonderful! I trained for 4yrs+ as a midwife and qualified in september. The first 3yrs of training were brilliant and I loved being a midwifery student even though it can be extremely difficult (staff are hard on us and I'm pretty sensitive..) Well for the last year of it things started to go down hill. I slowly became extremely unhappy in the job, fellow staff were horrible to work under but not technically doing much wrong (it's just the way things are there) When I finished in sept I was hoping I wouldn't be kept on as my confidence was destroyed. A good friend convinced me to take the contract I was offered to keep me there until Christmas. again the way I was treated was just not acceptable to me. I did nights every second week and, no exaggeration.., I used to hope I might get in a car accident so I wouldn't make it to work each night.. that's how much I dreaded it, I was deeply unhappy.

I started to feel very trapped and depressed and so I decided, with the support of my OH, to put my happiness ahead of my career and to leave once my contract finished in December. I just told family and everyone else (apart from wrk colleagues of course) that my contract wasn't renewed. They would NOT understand. That's when me and OH moved in, I planned on finding any kind of job and then eventually figuring out what to do. I'v been extremely unlucky and despite a few interviews I can't even land the apparently simplest of jobs, it's been very frustrating but at the same time my mental state is greatly improved since leaving that job, I was literally on a high for over a month afterwards!

So I went on depo provera in jan after being on the pill for yrs and few weeks later found out I'm preggo... I feel guilty that I gave up a job and that I can't find a single thing as now I feel my child will not have everything I wish I could provide. Don't get me wrong, I know that our baby will be loved but unless things drastically improve financially even the basics will be a stretch. If I had any idea I would be pregnant now I would have tried much harder to stick out working in that horrible place.

My main feeling is pity for my LO, I might have to move close to home befre babys born as we live 3-4hrs away from family who would not be able to make the journey up (mom doesnt drive far) often. My OH will look for a teaching job down there but it's not promising so we will likely have to live seperately We are new to the area and I know it would be very isolating for me when baby arrives, it's isolating enough already :/ I'd hate to take baby away from OH but apart from the Christmas hols he wont get any time off work and my mom is free most days but needs to be close to home.

I feel my sisters LO has everything a child could ever want, he is just very lucky and the first grandchild so everyone showers him with love and gifts. he has a beautiful nursery and the most gorgeous things that will be cherished forever, I'm glad he will continue to have everything his heart desires for life which is wonderful and not something that our parents could have provided us with. I just feel as though my LO will always feel less privileged as they will be close in age (16months or so). I feel this is totally my fault for giving up my job. I literally never ever make any drastic decisions like this, I usually just decide to stick with it and just suck it up but I was losing my mind... I know my OH is now really worried about money and he's the sole breadwinner which is a lot of pressure

I was on a high after the scan but once again reality has pulled me straight back down with a bang! I already love my baby soo much but feel my one big selfish decision has been a huge mistake and is going to make baby's life a struggle Does anyone else have similar guilt???

 

[TicToc]

:sigh:

Yes. I stopped trying to have another over a year ago when DH and I had an increase in health problems. I can't work most jobs right now and even if I found one I could do, DH he has arthritis so bad he is considered a fall risk (it got bad super fast)...so I have been doing more for him already and can't imagine leaving him for extended periods with a baby. We are barely making ends meet on his disability and when I think about our future financially the stress is almost unbearable. I lost track of the day using the rhythm method, but still, now that it is here we are desperately hoping for the best and really want this baby.

When our older kids were younger we were broke too. I chose not to work because I wanted to be with them and things were very tight. They had cousins with much different lifestyles who always had all the gadgets, etc... But none of that mattered. We are close, and we had each other, and we taught them that life is about so much more than money. Those three have grown up to be very down to earth and generous people. I think they lessons they learned growing up poor far outweighed any temporary satisfaction they would have gotten from having more toys and fancy vacations.

If you all have love between you. It will be enough.

Oh yeah, and I personally think you made the right call leaving the job. Life is too short to be that miserable!

 

[TicToc]

Have you thought about babysitting other kids for a little extra cash? That is my big plan.

 

[NKL120309]

Everything in life happens for a reason, you're baby will be fine, you say you love your baby so much already, shouldn't that count for something? You can provide this baby with the most precious thing on life is love. LO won't notice if he doesn't have as much as others, as long as you love him/her with your whole soul that's all that matters in the end. Think about it, would you have rather risked your pregnancy being stressed and unhappy and with a little more money or happy and loving and there for the baby and have a little less money. It will work out, just be positive and Congrats

 

[lou belle]

:sigh:

Yes. I stopped trying to have another over a year ago when DH and I had an increase in health problems. I can't work most jobs right now and even if I found one I could do, DH he has arthritis so bad he is considered a fall risk (it got bad super fast)...so I have been doing more for him already and can't imagine leaving him for extended periods with a baby. We are barely making ends meet on his disability and when I think about our future financially the stress is almost unbearable. I lost track of the day using the rhythm method, but still, now that it is here we are desperately hoping for the best and really want this baby.

When our older kids were younger we were broke too. I chose not to work because I wanted to be with them and things were very tight. They had cousins with much different lifestyles who always had all the gadgets, etc... But none of that mattered. We are close, and we had each other, and we taught them that life is about so much more than money. Those three have grown up to be very down to earth and generous people. I think they lessons they learned growing up poor far outweighed any temporary satisfaction they would have gotten from having more toys and fancy vacations.

If you all have love between you. It will be enough.

Oh yeah, and I personally think you made the right call leaving the job. Life is too short to be that miserable!

Thank you so much tictoc I really needed to hear that someone else is struggling, sometimes I feel as though I'm the only one xx It really gives me hope to hear how you managed to make it work with your older kids and that their cousins are good people. I would also much prefer to be at home with my baby, which might be my only option anyway as childcare costs here extortion! My parents always did the best they could to give us whatever we wanted even though at times money was very tight. however our house was not a loving environment (my parents are together but my father is very difficult and cold), I would much prefer my child to be rich in love and be financially poor but sometimes I panic!

I really wish you all the best in your situation and although I know we will both make it work somehow, wouldn't you just love if things were simpler

Thanks for your support on leaving my job too it means a lot xxx

 

[lou belle]

Everything in life happens for a reason, you're baby will be fine, you say you love your baby so much already, shouldn't that count for something? You can provide this baby with the most precious thing on life is love. LO won't notice if he doesn't have as much as others, as long as you love him/her with your whole soul that's all that matters in the end. Think about it, would you have rather risked your pregnancy being stressed and unhappy and with a little more money or happy and loving and there for the baby and have a little less money. It will work out, just be positive and Congrats

Hi NKL Thank you very much, I seriously wonder how the hell anyone manages to work during 1st trimester as I'm like a zombie with this extreme tiredness.. I don't know how I would still be doing 13hr shifts in such a crappy environment! Money certainly isn't everything but I feel like we are never gonna catch a break As you said everything happens for a reason and I know my baby is going to enrich both our lives in so many ways that I can't even imagine yet! I know I would definitely be endangering my pregnancy and that just isn't worth any money. I need to look at everyone else and realise that life isn't as easy for them as it appears from the outside. Thank you

 

[steph.]

So sorry you are dealing with all this. But honestly your baby wont care if he has a nice nursery, new clothes, and the latest pram. He will care that he has love and a HAPPY mummy. I am sure things will improve for you and that your financial situation will get better, things always sort themselves out.

If you dont want to leave your OH, you can always join a mothers group and look for free mother and baby activities so you dont feel isolated. I live far away from family and made sure I had an 'activity' every day. You'd be surprised how much stuff you can do for free.

Now stop worrying. You made the right decision by leaving your job. By staying it would have been harmful to you, the baby, and even possibly your relationship. Big hugs xxxx

 

[iwannababe]

hey, listen we have no money nothig..no savings fro great holidays he goes to state school...my brothyer has 2 kids they have everything but our kids are all equally as happy....i feel guilty about not being able to buy him amazing gifts sometimes but i manage to do my best at xmas...hes so happy my boy ...i wouldnt worry...u always find a way...

 

[lou belle]

So sorry you are dealing with all this. But honestly your baby wont care if he has a nice nursery, new clothes, and the latest pram. He will care that he has love and a HAPPY mummy. I am sure things will improve for you and that your financial situation will get better, things always sort themselves out.

If you dont want to leave your OH, you can always join a mothers group and look for free mother and baby activities so you dont feel isolated. I live far away from family and made sure I had an 'activity' every day. You'd be surprised how much stuff you can do for free.

Now stop worrying. You made the right decision by leaving your job. By staying it would have been harmful to you, the baby, and even possibly your relationship. Big hugs xxxx

Thank you Steph me and OH really must talk this one through some more and I think moms groups are the way to go! thanks for your support and advise its greatly appreciated, time to quit stressing and start planning!!

 

[lou belle]

hey, listen we have no money nothig..no savings fro great holidays he goes to state school...my brothyer has 2 kids they have everything but our kids are all equally as happy....i feel guilty about not being able to buy him amazing gifts sometimes but i manage to do my best at xmas...hes so happy my boy ...i wouldnt worry...u always find a way...

Thank you for this iwannababe I know really that it wont matter but sort of needed to hear it from those of you who have been there already! All I really want is my LO to be happy and healthy and I'm so happy to hear that your LO is just that, thank you!!

 

[iwannababe]

love and education is free , if we bring our children up right they will make the best out of their lives...i live in a rich area in marbella in spain and went to a fancy school full of rich kids (my dad slugged to send me there) and these kids were basically assholes (excuse my french lol) no reason to care about money no real grasp on reality etc..some of them were ok of course u cant blame rich people but im just saying just coz parents have money doesnt mean their kids are better off...bunch of douche bags most of them hahahaah

 

[lou belle]

im just saying just coz parents have money doesnt mean their kids are better off...bunch of douche bags most of them hahahaah

This makes me lol, a girl I went to college with grew up quite privileged and looked down on the rest of 'peasants' just struggling to get by. When I was saving for my first car she was actually shocked and said "Why wouldn't your parents buy you one?" As if I was being reared by wolves, to think they wouldn't cough up money to cater to my every whim haha xx

 

[Dainteej]

I was realy touched to read this. PLEASE dont feel guilty just for the mere fact you want to be in a position to give your child everything and you feel so guilty to write this shows the amount of love & care you have already.

There are alot of people who bring babies into this world without thinking how to provide for them you are already thinking about that. Keep your head up be positive and strong. you could be in a job stressed cause stresss to your baby and end up with an unhealthy baby.. alot of people with all the money in the world and have unhealthy children and wish they could trade it all so dont look at any body elses situation and compare to yours. YOU WILL BE FINE . I know it seems dark now..but trust me it gets dark so you can actually see it get better ...just continue to be positive and see if there are some odd jobs you can do which is not too stressful like babysitting or temping ..save money and then after baby you can resume work..a newborn baby needs time and love more than money from what I know so just be positive

 

[lou belle]

I was realy touched to read this. PLEASE dont feel guilty just for the mere fact you want to be in a position to give your child everything and you feel so guilty to write this shows the amount of love & care you have already.

There are alot of people who bring babies into this world without thinking how to provide for them you are already thinking about that. Keep your head up be positive and strong. you could be in a job stressed cause stresss to your baby and end up with an unhealthy baby.. alot of people with all the money in the world and have unhealthy children and wish they could trade it all so dont look at any body elses situation and compare to yours. YOU WILL BE FINE . I know it seems dark now..but trust me it gets dark so you can actually see it get better ...just continue to be positive and see if there are some odd jobs you can do which is not too stressful like babysitting or temping ..save money and then after baby you can resume work..a newborn baby needs time and love more than money from what I know so just be positive

Awh thank you so much Dainteej that is really comforting and sweet of you xx

I think I need to just offer up this worry and allow it to all sort itself out eventually. you are so right that a healthy child is the most important thing in the world and no money can change that. Doing some babysitting is next on my list when I get back up home Thank you again and hope you have a very happy nd healthy 9months xx