Feeling guilty & selfish over my thoughts.

[AussieBub]

After all these hospital trips, all the tests I've had done to me, I've just had enough. I keep thinking about asking to be induced at around 37 weeks and that thought makes me feel so guilty and selfish.

I'm suffering from tachycardia with heart palpitations. I've been in hospital multiple times, had many tests run (some even potentially harmful to me and baby) and so far, no one has been able to work out what's causing the issue. The doctors think it's just my body struggling to cope with the final stages of pregnancy but running test after test just incase.

If when all the testing is finally over, they can't give me anything more than "it's just a pregnancy thing", part of me wants to be induced from around 37 weeks. I've been dealing with this for roughly 5 weeks so far. I can't even walk from my bed to the toilet without becoming breathless. My heart rate hadn't been below 100bpm in about a month. I'm struggling to cope with it now. I'm on constant bed rest until the problem can be solved. I know it sounds selfish but I don't want to spend the rest of my pregnancy cooped up in bed, struggling to breathe whenever I roll over or get up to go loo.

Baby is perfect. Perfect heart rate. Perfect movement. Perfect size. If there was not going to be any harm to baby, part of me is seriously contemplating asking to be induced as I'm really struggling now with my health. I can't keep this up for another 8 weeks (give or take).

I've never wanted to be induced and want baby to come out when s/he is ready but it's putting strain on my heart and causing breathing issues. At what point do you stop abd think, no I have to do this for my own health. If it wasn't my heart or lungs, I'd never consider asking to be induced early. But until they can prove my life isn't in any danger, they're treating my health complications as life threatening. I've already had multiple chest scans (one with the use of radioactive isotopes being injected into my veins) and had my blood thinned incase I had a blood clot on my lung. We've found my lungs are clear and I have no clots so now they're focusing on my heart with a 24 hour ECG to start with.

What would you do in this situation? Would you spend the next 8 weeks in bed, struggling to breathe whenever you rolled over, until baby was ready to come out? Or would you ask to be induced earlier (providing there was no risk to baby) to take the strain off your heart? I feel so guilty and selfish just for having these thoughts but I'm laying here, in bed, on my left side, having to take big deep breaths. I'm not doing anything and yet I can't breathe normally, I constantly feel out of breath. It's a truly horrible feeling and on occasion can cause migraines and sleepless nights.

Seriously what would you do? Am I really a horrible, selfish person for even considering being induced from 37 weeks? Baby is perfectly healthy, but I feel my health is getting worse with each passing week. I wouldn't ask to be induced before I was 37 weeks just so we're clear.

-AussieBub

 

[Heramys]

No, I wouldn't feel selfish at all. I'm surprised they haven't suggested that to you already? 37 weeks is considered full term medically.

I'm sorry you've to deal with this.

 

[usamom]

I'm in a similar situation for different medical reason. We have to balance taking care of ourselves and taking care of these unborn babies. If being induced early is going to give me a healthy baby and make sure mama is healthy too- then that's what we have to do. I have another child at home- so I need to make sure all of us stay as healthy as possible. You do what you need to do. Sounds like you are making decisions for all the right reasons- you'll make the right choice!

 

[rayne22]

Its really hard to say because I don't have the health issues you have. However, with my first, I had to be induced when she was 36 wks due to high blood pressure and protein in urine, and I didn't really give it much thought other then the Dr thinks my life could be at risk so I guess I better have her now. It didn't even cross my mind to ask to wait or question it. When she was born, at 36 wks 5 days, she was healthy but ended up having jaundice and needed to stay in hospital an extra 3 days to get treated.
With this pregnancy, I want to do anything I can not to be induced, it was not a pleasant experience for me, and I would also want to wait til 38 wks if I do have to be induced. I feel like my daughter was so close to 37wks and still came out with jaundice, so I would want 2nd baby out later.
If you honestly feel in your heart that you cannot wait any longer then 37 wks or until baby is ready, if you feel you may die if you don't have the baby sooner, then you should consider to ask to be induced. Just make sure you know what it entails. From what I read, being induced s much harder on the body and you may end up having a c section, which is also hard on the body for recovery.
What has your Dr said about having baby early? Are they concerned for your health if you go longer then 37ks, or is this something that your wanting to do because your uncomfortable? And keep in mind, you've already gotten this far, you are strong and can last longer then you may think.

And don't feel guilty. You have to look out for yourself too

 

[AussieBub]

No one has mentioned induction yet as we're still unsure what is causing the problem. I'm very unlikely (I think at least) to diebut until we run the tests on my heart, we cant be sure there isn't anything wrong. I've spent the last week in hospital, sharing a room with other women being induced. Of the 8 I shared with, 7 were induced and 6 were taken away to have their babies before I was discharged for the weekend. I'm very familiar with the whole induction process now, as is my DH. We overheard it and witnessed it's effects more times than we ever thought we would. So I'm fully prepared on what to expect.

I'm only considering asking to be induced early if they can't medically find anything causing the tachycardia besides the pregnancy AND it won't bring any harm to the baby. Tomorrow when I'm readmitted I'm going to ask the doctors and midwives their thoughts on the subject. Let them know I'd only consider it if it's the pregnancy causing the issues. Not saying I'm definitely going to ask for one but I'd like to know what my options would be if I decided I really wanted it. And to be honest after a month of going through this, my body is struggling and mentally I'm starting to fall apart as well. I'd hold off induction as long as possible but I'm already at the stage where I'm close to cracking and just wanting it to be over because I'm struggling to cope with day to day life now. Plus it's not just affecting me but my DH has well. He is doing everything alone. The cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, the finances, setting up the nursery etc... I'm not physically allowed to help him and he is exhausting himself because he is doing all that and having to tend to my every need like a butler. I hate seeing him so exhausted and run ragged. His health is starting to suffer too now because he gets little sleep, is under a lot of stress and spend his days/nights taking care of me before himself. And with all these tests and me being in hospital, he is struggling to stay on top of everything. So my health issues aren't just affecting me. They're affecting the baby and DH as well. I still feel like I'm being selfish considering induction to improve my own health, but I have to remember my health is affecting those around me too.

-AussieBub

 

[drudai]

I haven't read the pp yet, since I just wanna throw this out there while I am thinking it:

Is the condition getting worse the further your pregnancy is?
And also, are you sure you physically can go through labor with such issues?

I'm not trying to scare you or anything, I just worry that it'll be too much. I would definitely discuss early induction with your doctor... Also considering that you are stressing can stress baby is another benefit of it.

Either way I assure you you are having these thoughts only out of concern for you and your baby. Those tests sound scary.

 

[TicToc]

NOT SELFISH!

You have to be healthy for the baby, and these sound like some serious issues. I think it is smart of you to discuss the possibility of induction as well as c-section with your doctor so that you know exactly what path will be the least stressful on your body. Even if the condition isn't just pregnancy related, which of course I hope that is all it is, you still need to be prepared to protect your own health as well as the babies.

I hope it all gets better soon

 

[curly79]

You're definitely not selfish. I know a lot of women struggle with SPD and hate being in bed and I'm not belittling there struggle and in that situation I would wait it out but this is affecting your heart and lungs. If your body is struggling with your own basic needs then it isn't good for you or baby.
I know how scary it is to be investigated for a lung problem after having a pulmonary embolism a couple of years ago and now I'm on preventative care in pregnancy because of my history. I wasn't even overweight or a smoker so really not the typical candidate.
I'm not trying to scare you but you know what you can cope with, and when I was ill I began to get the feeling of impending doom. That is quite common when the human body struggles.
I would bring it up at your next appt but I think they would be wanting to bring the option up with you in this situation.
Good luck with everything, I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

 

[bebbe]

Not selfish at all! I have multiple health conditions, some pregnancy related like GD and SPD but I also have tachycardia and have had this for years. Luckily it hasn't worsened for me during pregnancy, though they said it could so I've had an awful lot of tests too. I am under the care of 3 different consultants and all agreed to induce me at 38 weeks with a stretch and sweep at 37 weeks. I wouldn't be surprised if induction is already in the plan with your consultant, they just don't tend to really bring it up till about 35 weeks in my experience then its all a bit of a whirlwind. If its on your mind I would bring it up with your consultant at your next appointment.

Sometimes pregnancy takes its toll on the mother, and luckily we live in an age and in a country that has the resources and the foresight to stop any potential problems in their tracks, so I wouldn't worry about being selfish and just focus on feeling better. Chances are the doctors already have a plan for you, they just haven't told you yet!

 

[whittnie117]

I actually have tachycardia as well. My resting heartrate is 108, forget about if I stand u and walk somewhere in the house. I get so breathless while even just standing still. I have started getting breathless just lying in bed as well. The pounding in your head is horrible during the palpatations. I get it. It sucks not being able to do much at all. I kind of feel useless and feel bad that OH has to take care of so much.

I have a lot of other issues going on as well in addition to the tachycardia. That's not even counting my pre-existing ailments. I don't feel my personal health is fully at risk, but I do fear that my heart may not be able to handle labor/pushing. That is my main fear about my own health. Since I am on watch for pre-term labor it hit me that baby might try to come early and I want to avoid that at all costs. So my personal decision is to try to get as close to his due date as possible without assistance or any self measures to help labor like epo (that would be bad since Im already dilating), or any of that stuff. It's like my view point shifted 180 degrees when this scare happened.

I would have asked for the induction too since I am so, so, so, so miserable. This should be a decision that you make between yourself, your OH, and your doctor. Only you can know if you are in such a state that induction is the best choice for you. Good luck with your decision hun

 

[Louise88]

I don't think its selfish at all Hun, I had loads of health problems in my last pregnancy which resulted in a lot of hospital stays and some big question marks as to why my body was doing the things it was doing. Although reading your threads I feel that your going through much worse then I did! Being placed on antibiotics for the rest of my pregnancy helped keep my health issues under control sounds like it's not that easy for you though! I'd deffinatly speak with your consultant about being induced at 37 weeks Hun, baby will be term so will be absolutely fine I can't see why you should be left to suffer and extra 3-5 weeks.

 

[Perplexed]

I wish I had words of advice, but I really don't find you selfish for thinking these thoughts. And you should definitely bring them up at your next appointment and at least knowing what your options are. Good luck.

 

[IsabellaJayne]

If you are having problems with your heart, I would imagine they will discuss an elective c-section as the labour process could put strain on your heart and you may not be able to cope.

Definitely talk to them hun, I am so sorry you're going through this, must be awful.

Hope it gets sorted soon

 

[pat007]

I am so sorry to hear this honey but ur baby needs you and anything that make you feel better of course go with it. Not selfish at all...

 

[Native_gurl]

I had a tumor removed from my lung in June this year and my lung can no longer function..i have only one functioning now. I cant walk, turn over or sometimes talk without being short of breath. My doctor has already discussed the posibility of a C-section just incase..my doctor said if mom is not healthy, baby will not be healthy. You need to take care of your own medical needs first..37 weeks is not too early..its not selfish to feel how you do..take care!

 

[zanDark]

Definitely not selfish! If they knew what was causing it and could 100% tell you that your condition is not dangerous for you and baby then it would be a different matter, but all this not knowing and constant tests isn't exactly helping to keep you calm and keep your heartrate down!

If I were in your position I'd ask for a section at 37 weeks since baby is fine. If you can't breathe when lying down, then how are you supposed to make it another 3-5 weeks and go through labor?

You do whatever you need to do for peace of mind hun x our babies need us to be healthy for them

 

[AussieBub]

Thanks ladies, sorry for the delayed response, I was back in hospital again. I've been told I should be more than fine to have a natural birth should I chose it and that they won't recommend induction unless my health takes a turn for the worse or if it starts to affect baby. Didn't ask whether or not I could elect to be induced early as they've booked me an appointment to see a consultant on a regular basis so I'm going to speak to her about it at our first appointment next week.

Thanks again for all your support, stories and advice.

-AussieBub