Feeling guilty

[MollyMalone]

So, last month I suffered a miscarriage. It hit me incredibly hard, to the point where I''m not even sure I want anymore children, I'm terrified of being pregnant.

Last night, I had to take my bra off to go to sleep and that rang an alarm bell...That's how I suspected I was pregnant last time. We weren't the most careful the couple of times we had sex but I have PCOS and I mean, it's very unlikely to happen naturally AGAIN and I didn't have any ovulation symptoms at all this cycle. I should have been more careful, but I couldn't even think of contraception as it brought my thoughts back to the baby I lost. Completely dumb on my part.

Anyway, I took a cheap test this morning just for peace of mind, 3 days before AF and there is a faint line. I feel guilty, I'm not happy. All I can think about is the baby I lost and how unfair the whole situation is. I'm also terrified of going through the same thing again. I just want to cry.

 

[Macaela]

Hello...first want to say sorry you are feeling really low about this. Second, as hard as miscarriages are physically, emotionally and psychologically, they are also a natural order of life. I to have had a miscarriage, multiple miscarriages, and like you felt guilt after I got pregnant pretty quickly after my first miscarriage. At the time I was feeling guilt, I had a friend who had suffered many losses who gave me some words of peace....hopefully they will help you to....its ok to feel guilt, dont let anyone make feel bad for it, it's what makes us wonderfully human. It's ok to feel fear for the possibilty another loss, it means that we have the capacity to love. Life is full of roller coasters and sometimes, some of us are blessed when life throws unexpected curve balls even when we cant see it as a blessing at the time. So I'm just gonna say it's ok to feel guilt, it's ok to feel fear, but it's also ok to embrace those curve balls. Good luck to you!!