FitzBaby
Me, Hubby,& Toddler
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2009
- Messages
- 1,304
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HI Ladies,
So I don't know about you but I've been struggling with the hormones very badly. Crying ALL the time. ANd I feel so guilty. THis pregnancy was not planned and I am just not enjoying being pregnant. I feel so guilty about this. Like something is wrong with me. Where is my motherly instinct? I thought I'd start to get excited by now but I just grow increasing disgusted wiht my body.
I used to have an eating disorder for quite some time and always knew the weight gain would be an issue when I conceived. Having not been ready for being pregnant I don't think I prepared myself. I just feel so horrific for not being excited about our baby that it just makes me more depressed.
Last night I had a melt down. Hysterically crying that I don't want to be pregnant (terminating is not and never was an option for us). I was complaining how huge and fat I feel (I've gained 30lbs already!!) and poor DH tried to comfort me by telling me I'm not fat, I'm pregnant and that just angered me. I screamed through my tears and he waited for me to fall asleep before coming to bed.
We are both 27, have good jobs, and can definitly financially handle a baby. Which just adds on to the guilt. I have my Master's degree and it was always in the plans I would be a stay at home mom when this happened and now I feel like I have this education for no reason. I feel like such a horrific person. I read how people have longed for a child, tried for so long, have gone through so much and here I am being so selfish.
Sorry to rant. Just not doing so hot here.
Will I ever get the motherly instinct?
So I don't know about you but I've been struggling with the hormones very badly. Crying ALL the time. ANd I feel so guilty. THis pregnancy was not planned and I am just not enjoying being pregnant. I feel so guilty about this. Like something is wrong with me. Where is my motherly instinct? I thought I'd start to get excited by now but I just grow increasing disgusted wiht my body.
I used to have an eating disorder for quite some time and always knew the weight gain would be an issue when I conceived. Having not been ready for being pregnant I don't think I prepared myself. I just feel so horrific for not being excited about our baby that it just makes me more depressed.
Last night I had a melt down. Hysterically crying that I don't want to be pregnant (terminating is not and never was an option for us). I was complaining how huge and fat I feel (I've gained 30lbs already!!) and poor DH tried to comfort me by telling me I'm not fat, I'm pregnant and that just angered me. I screamed through my tears and he waited for me to fall asleep before coming to bed.
We are both 27, have good jobs, and can definitly financially handle a baby. Which just adds on to the guilt. I have my Master's degree and it was always in the plans I would be a stay at home mom when this happened and now I feel like I have this education for no reason. I feel like such a horrific person. I read how people have longed for a child, tried for so long, have gone through so much and here I am being so selfish.
Sorry to rant. Just not doing so hot here.
Will I ever get the motherly instinct?