Feeling lonely

[Brightxeyes]

I pretty much lost a lot of friends whilst pregnant with my son. They didn’t make much of an effort and I stopped trying when I came closer to my due date. I wanted to meet up with a few friends last time as an unofficial baby shower and generally just to celebrate and catch up. I only had two of my friends see me before and after baby arrived. And they both lived a few hours away in London. Since having my son and the distance we just didn’t talk very much. All had busy lives. But at the same time when I tried to make an effort by catching up via messaging I struggled to keep much of a conversation going!

I fell out with my best friend last year, she was really bringing me down mentally. As well as her attitude changing dramatically when she got back with her ex and I just felt the friendship was becoming quite toxic.
I also at the same time drew a line with one of my oldest friends as she was close with her, and she always seemed to cancel plans with me to see her.

I have one friend who again lives further away who I keep in touch via message. I haven’t seen her for years apart from her wedding last year.

Otherwise I don’t gave a single friend I can meet with. I can’t afford to drive hours away.

I just feel so lonely and can’t even share my news with anyone else but family.. because no one else would really care.
I’d love to do a gender reveal, I’d love for it to be a surprise for me too and find out there n then.But what’s the point? I see everyone else who has close friends and they have baby showers and catch up with a coffee every other week etc and I just don’t have that... it’s getting me quite down especially now I’m pregnant again.

I’ve always tried to make an effort and arrange to see people, I always message first.. otherwise if I didn’t message no one would message me.

 

[Carlee]

I can relate.
I'm an English woman living in France and a stay-at-home-mum fo the last 13 years, not exactly the easiest sitution to make friends in.
My English friends and I have drifted apart. My best and only real friend lives in Australia and although we usually exchange msgs and spend hours on Skype together, she's currently looking for a job and a place to live, so sh doesn't have time to chat and I totally get that.
As for my family, they don't even know I'm pregnant. I'm not in a stable relationship and even when I was the last 2 times I was pregnant, my family weren't happy for me, quite the contrary.
So yeah, I understand how you feel

 

[xarlenex]

I see your son is 3, is he not in any little clubs? I know we have lots around our town like mini movers, swimming classes, arts and crafts. Maybe you could meet people through these sorts of things, that you might have more in common with?

 

[red_head]

This is something I’ve really struggled with too. My ex was very abusive, and we were together throughout my teens and early 20s. When I got away from him, I had to cut all my ties with anyone I knew, so all those relationships people usually grow up with I lost, apart from my best friend who also cut them all out which was amazing of her, but she lives about six hours away and I only see her a couple times a year. And then I made new friends but started dating one, when we split it all got awkward and I lost touch with most of them. And then I got depression and found it really hard to maintain or make new friendships. I’m hoping with this pregnancy that I can use it as a way to meet people - I’m planning on joining lots of baby groups and hopefully meeting other mums and also doing antenatal classes which will at least give me some social life, even if it revolves around the baby. My husband is very social and has lots of friends but I just haven’t been in a place to form close friendships with those people, and I’m worried that because I haven’t made an effort they won’t want to now! But as far as I know (I get invited to weddings and birthdays so assume they’d invite me to baby showers) they’ve not had baby showers or reveals or anything - I think that’s more an American thing. If you really want one, I’d do it with just family, or maybe join and antenatal group and see whether you could do a joint baby shower type thing with members of the group?
Sorry you are feeling down about this - it is hard not having anyone to turn to when it’s such a major event. Hopefully it’ll be a new chapter for you.

 

[Brightxeyes]

I've always been quite anxious and I really wanted to go to baby groups with my son but anxiety held me back. He goes to nursery on mornings until 11.30am, but all of the moms are already friendly with each other. I just struggle to keep any type of convo up with them.

I also have a big anxiety about meeting up with some people I know with kids, as I'm worried my son will play up. My son only listens to his Dad, we've tried all sorts, but when he's being naughty, the only thing I can do to put my point across is take him home, because nothing I say or do will make him stop. So that hasn't happened very often, because the few times it's happened it's been bad. I'm not even that close with those friends with kids so it's even more of a challenge and just makes me feel like a rubbish Mom when their kids are being behaved.

He's not overly naughty, he can be quite good depending on what we do, then when it's time to go hell breaks loose and I then just don't ever want to do it again. He's since started nursery (November just gone) so I'm hoping he will be calmer than the last time I arranged a play date for him, because he's socialised a lot more since starting nursery.

I'm hoping with my second child I can push myself to go to some type of baby group while my son is at nursery. I need to get out of this vicious circle of anxiety. I need to be confident taking them both kids out and about if by myself too, so I have to do it.

I'm also hoping to find something special to do with my son over the Summer when his nursery isn't open (school term time).

red_head, totally understand the whole abusive ex situation. My ex had literally put me in situations and manipulated me so much that my friend's thought I was picking him over them, and they just didn't want to know as much anymore. I barely had time to even message any friends around him never mind see them. I just wasn't allowed to. And friendships have been strained since then, despite explaining the whole situation to them after. It got better with some closer friends, but then I got pregnant a year or so later and it was a struggle again.

Yeah baby showers and reveals are kind of American, but like mini gender reveals have been happening more and more, and I thought it would be a really nice way for it to be a surprise, even for us. Nothing big. Would have been nice just to have a couple of friends there sort of thing.

 

[flowergirl7]

I really don’t have any friends. I lost most of my friends in my mid 20s. Mostly my fault, but We are all so different now I wouldn’t even put in any effort to be friends with them anyways. I live in my husbands hometown which is 1.5 hours from my hometown, I’m a stay at home mom, and my kids aren’t in school yet. I’ve met a lot of people and like them a lot it’s just we all get so busy and have stuff going on with our kids that we just put getting together on the back burner. Luckily my husbands family is all around and are always there for me if needed, but it does get lonely sometimes. Family is great, but friends are nice to have.

 

[Lil_Gem_1989]

Feel free to add me on facebook or drop me a message i live in Nuneaton, not too far from Birmingham. I only have a couple of close friends, i prefer it that way. I also suffer from anxiety and have down days. Struggling a bit atm as ive had to come off my antidepressants while im pregnant! X

 

[pandapenny]

Hey... hope you are feeling better now