Feeling low

[bobster]

I found out today a friend is expecting a girl a couple of months after me. I couldn't help but burst into tears when she send me the news on text. It's not that I'm not happy for her because I am but I feel I can't cope with the sadness I feel at not having a daughter of my own. I feel so bitter that other people get it so easily and I want it so much but can't have one. I'm a girly girl and have always dreamt of having a daughter. Not just to dress in nice clothes but to have that connection and bond with. I'm expecting my second boy at the moment and I'm dreading spending my maternity leave with 2 friends now who are both having girls. I don't want to see them or spend time with them as I feel so sad.

My OH is the only one who knows how I feel but he doesn't really understand. I think he feels angry that I get upset as he thinks I am not grateful for our second boy. He also feels bad because he knows how sad I am and can't change it which I hate.

Feel like I just want this baby out and I'm not enjoying the pregnancy at all. I don't feel a connection with him. I love my ds so much and wouldn't change him for the world but I can't imagine feeling that way about this one. I'm scared I will just resent him and won't bond when he's here. I feel awful for feeling this way

How do I overcome this grief as it's making me so sad on a daily basis. I'm having to pretend to everyone I know that I'm happy but really I just feel depressed.

 

[Jerseygirl7]

I am sure once he is here you will bond instantly and love him as much as your 1st ds. Just seeing how tiny and precious they are, and how much they depend on you. It will also be lovely for your 1st ds to have a brother to grow up with. Try to look at the positives, I know this is hard. I have 4 fab boys and am pregnant at the moment; I find out a week today. I wouldn't change any of my boys, of course it would be lovely to have a girl this time but I have to think about the people out there who can't have children and have poorly children and it brings me straight back down to earth to realise how blessed I have been to have 4 boys and this new baby on the way. If I don't have a girl this time then it is just meant to be. You will find a way through it. Speak to your midwife or see if you can get some counselling with someone impartial to help sort through your feelings. Take care.

 

[donnarobinson]

I have three boys the youngest is 3 weeks old he's perfect
I cried my eyes out when I found out he was a boy it passed within hours I wouldn't change him for the world he's amazing I'm sure you'll love him just as much X

 

[bobster]

Thanks for your replies. I think I was having a particularly hard day as that friend wanted a girl and got her girl and another friend is pregnant with a girl too. It's the thought of being surrounded by all these girls and feeling jealous which I can't stand. Hate that trait in people and hate that I have it. But I know I will love him and bond with him and won't swap him when he's here. I just feel sad for not having that girl I always dreamt off since being a little girl myself. It's just a different path to the one I imagined.

I hope your hear pink at your scan jerseygirl but glad you feel positive either way. And congrats on your third boy Donna, if it's the one in the picture he's beautiful x

 

[Jerseygirl7]

Hi, had gender scan and we have 5th boy on the way!!

 

[bobster]

I'm sorry Jerseygirl that you didn't hear girl at your scan. Congratulations on another beautiful baby boy though.

 

[donnarobinson]

Thanks Hun that's him he's truely amazing and I'm so grateful to have himx.

 

[cheerios]

Hey Hun, I feel u. I'm pregnant with my third boy and as much as I feel more at peace and accepting of having 3 boys in my family, I still feel a tinge of sadness whenever I walk pass the girls' section of baby wear. I think it's something that might always be there, but I also think we'll definitely bond with our boys once they are born.

I try to think of how my boys will have a whale of a time growing up together. And I believe there's a reason and purpose why we can't choose gender on our own.

Do u intend to have a 3rd child? I always thought I wanted to close shop with 3 kids, but I never really thought I'd end up with all 3 of the same gender. So I'm still very open to having a 4th, but I'm absolutely positive 4 is our absolute max that we'll have.

 

[bobster]

Thanks Cheerios. Congratulations on another healthy baby boy. I feel that sadness when looking at girls clothes as they are so pretty. Boys stuff all looks the same and some of its quite boring. It's sunk in a bit for me now but I still think I'll find it a bit hard when hanging out with my friends who are having girls when I'm off.

Only ever planned on having 2 but now considering suggesting a third to my OH. Think he will take a bit of persuading though. Going to wait until the hard bit is out of the way and we're settled as a family of 4 before planting the seed haha! I'm just terrified of feeling like this again which puts me off a bit.

Is your hubby happy to go for a 4th? Have you considered swaying? Think I'm going to give it a go as I've been reading about it and I have a very typical boy friendly lifestyle. Worth a shot.

 

[cheerios]

Thanks Cheerios. Congratulations on another healthy baby boy. I feel that sadness when looking at girls clothes as they are so pretty. Boys stuff all looks the same and some of its quite boring. It's sunk in a bit for me now but I still think I'll find it a bit hard when hanging out with my friends who are having girls when I'm off.

Only ever planned on having 2 but now considering suggesting a third to my OH. Think he will take a bit of persuading though. Going to wait until the hard bit is out of the way and we're settled as a family of 4 before planting the seed haha! I'm just terrified of feeling like this again which puts me off a bit.

Is your hubby happy to go for a 4th? Have you considered swaying? Think I'm going to give it a go as I've been reading about it and I have a very typical boy friendly lifestyle. Worth a shot.

Oh yes. I know exactly how u feel about wanting to try for one more for a girl. I think it's something that only Moms of all boys can understand.

I've heard of swaying but actually I think my first boy was conceived before ovulation- which should have increased the chance of a girl! So I don't think so much about it.

My hubby definitely will go for one more if he knows it'd be a girl. Hah. But he's open about a 4th. Although I haven't given birth yet, so that's like counting our eggs before they hatch! We'll see how 3rd baby is like.

Oh and about not wanting to feel like this, I know how that feels too! I'm seriously thinking of going team yellow if I did go for a 4th. That would save me the emotional ups and downs of knowing before baby is born.

 

[Scarlett2]

Oh and about not wanting to feel like this, I know how that feels too! I'm seriously thinking of going team yellow if I did go for a 4th. That would save me the emotional ups and downs of knowing before baby is born.

This is me - except with my third. I had to convince DH into our third. Now, ironically, he's more bothered about having a girl than I am. I think he thinks that if he's been persuaded into it, this baby had better be a girl!

I am team yellow. This time I just felt that it would be better to deal with another boy on the day it's born. It doesn't stop me occasionally worrying that I will feel disappointed, but mostly now I just feel peaceful about it. I am fed up of people asking me what we're having and then being told "you have amazing restraint... I would never be able to wait in your position" and I got a bit irritated the other day when I looked at all our blue baby clothes and realised there was no point in washing them yet (although I fortunately have a bunch of neutral clothes too) but mostly I feel very secure that we've made the right decision.

Anyway.... Congratulations on your babies everyone. Like you all I think that if it's meant to be then it's meant to be... It doesn't stop us all feeling a bit envious when passing the pink baby section in the shops though...

 

[bobster]

Scarlett when are you due? You will have to update us. I have everything crossed for you that it's a girl but you are right if it's a third boy he was clearly meant to be.

For me personally I worried that it would have affected my bond at birth so I had to find out and I'm glad I did. I think I would if we have another too but I think I'd go for a gender scan on my own so I could prepare myself. Last time we had a gender scan I was so stressed about it we fell out before we went and then we got there and they said boy and I had to plaster a smile on my face and OH knew I was upset. I cried all the way home. It was such a stressful day.

Cheerios you are lucky your hubby will go for another. I know mine would too if it would be a guaranteed girl but he doesn't think that it's worth the risk.

According to info I've read on swaying the timing of dtd doesn't seem to make much difference. Apparently if you have a diet high in fat, nutrients and protein you are more boy friendly. Also eating frequently so maintaining higher blood sugars. Also a lot of bd'ing in the fertile period sways boy. This is me both times I've conceived! Noticed that people with girls seem to be people who diet a lot or generally eat low fat... Maybe it's a coincidence though. It would be so nice to have some influence on it

 

[kittylady]

I don't diet or eat low fat but I still have 2 girls :/

 

[cheerios]

Interesting to hear about the diet thing. I actually heard that if one eats more greens, one has a higher chance of boy. So that sounds like healthy living to me!

 

[bobster]

I think they think of it as in a high fat meal like a burger with chips is much more nutrient rich than a low fat meal even if the low fat meal is healthier. They advise to try and avoid high nutrient foods where possible or just skin your fruit/veg as that's where most of the goodness is but I think avoiding protein rich and fatty foods is more important from what I've read.

I have meat with every meal pretty much and I love high fat high salty foods so according to this theory I'm very boy friendly. I think I'll find it a challenge to go low fat and low protein but I'm going to try after this little one is born. If nothing else it will be nice to lose some weight! They also say regular cardio is good for girls but I think that's probably out for me with 2 little boys to run around after all day!

 

[cheerios]

I think they think of it as in a high fat meal like a burger with chips is much more nutrient rich than a low fat meal even if the low fat meal is healthier. They advise to try and avoid high nutrient foods where possible or just skin your fruit/veg as that's where most of the goodness is but I think avoiding protein rich and fatty foods is more important from what I've read.

I have meat with every meal pretty much and I love high fat high salty foods so according to this theory I'm very boy friendly. I think I'll find it a challenge to go low fat and low protein but I'm going to try after this little one is born. If nothing else it will be nice to lose some weight! They also say regular cardio is good for girls but I think that's probably out for me with 2 little boys to run around after all day!

That's v interesting. Where is the source of your information? I don't really eat fatty food actually. Burgers are not commonplace in our family diet.

I'm still not sure if I will entertain the thought of a #4. 3 kids always felt manageable to me, 4 feels like borderline mayhem all the time!

 

[lau86]

Cheerios gender dreaming website is really helpful for sway info

 

[laila 44]

I think it's all bs. I'm having my third girl and she was conceived on the day of ovulation! I know this for a fact. The other 2 were before Ov as they weren't planned at all but this one was on day of bc we decided to use the clear blue fertility sticks with smiley face...

 

[lau86]

The timing of the thing/ shettles is not thought to be right now. I do believe in it but it's called a sway for a reason, you can follow all advice given and not get your boy/ girl. It's quite complicated and lots of factors involved

 

[Scarlett2]

Scarlett when are you due? You will have to update us. I have everything crossed for you that it's a girl but you are right if it's a third boy he was clearly meant to beit

I'm due on the 21st March... I feel like this one will come early though (you'll all be laughing at me now if I go overdue!)

On a seperate note I make very nice homemade lean mince burgers for my boys.. Burgers don't have to be fatty or unhealthy!

But on the shettles method. Even though we had planned to ttc I thought we missed the ovulation window the month we conceived - we had sex 4 days before ovulation... With the other two we had sex on day of ovulation. It will be interesting to see whether this one is a girl.