Feeling possessive?!

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by zanDark, Oct 2, 2013.

  1. zanDark

    zanDark <3 IVF mom <3

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    Anyone else already feeling possessive of their baby?? :wacko:

    I feel like such a cow, but for the past couple of weeks I've been feeling really possessive over my LO and she's not even born yet! :wacko: I don't have a problem with the thought of people cuddling her, seeing her etc...I know people love cuddling new babies, and I plan on encouraging people to hold her as long as they're not ill and have washed etc.

    What gets me more is the comments I'm getting from MIL especially. Our relationship is very good (after a rocky start) and she's GREAT with kids and babies so it's not a trust issue, but she keeps saying "our baby" and that "we're almost there" etc :wacko: I don't mind her (or anyone) touching my bump as I know it's a gesture of love, but there are times when she just stares at it and it makes me uncomfortable! I know she already loves my LO, but the way she stares at my bump makes me want to put my hands on it to make her stop!

    Maybe it's because I'm a FTM and had such a hard time getting pregnant, but I just want to tell her that it's not "our" baby. It's MY baby! I'm the one that begged and cried for this LO for three years, I'm the one that had to go through the entire IVF process, and I'm the one that's been growing her inside me...but then I feel like a bad person for thinking like that since all she's doing is showing love for my baby. I'd never ever mention it to her since it would hurt her feelings, but sometimes her comments really annoy me!

    Does anyone else feel like this? Is there someone in your life that makes you feel possessive over your baby, or are my hormones starting to make me weird?
     
  2. angel2010

    angel2010 Cart & Emma's mom, 1mc

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    I haven't felt that way about the baby, because everyone knows to leave me alone already. But I have been feeling it about my son. He stayed at his grandma's this past Saturday for the first time in about 5 months and I bawled like a baby when he left.
     
  3. Glitter_berry

    Glitter_berry Mum of 2, 1 Pink, 1 Blue

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    Yep :( I keep having these irrational thoughts on who "deserves" to see our new baby based on the amount they seem to care that baby is almost here.

    NONE of my inlaws will be traveling to see baby ( even though we have offered to pay their flights / let them stay with us)
    One of my friends are extremely jealous that I'm having a boy and she didn't.
    One of DH's friends thought it was appropriate to give me an Easter bag ( hoe long ago was Easter) full of dirty and stained second hand baby clothes as a gift and a card they obviously found in the bottom of a drawer as it was discoloured and dirty. ( I would have rathered NOTHING from them and DH made me give them a thank you card. )

    I keep thinking to my self said list deserve to be told of babies arrival last!

    ( except my SIL and FIL as they at least ring weekly to ask how everything is going. )
     
  4. zanDark

    zanDark <3 IVF mom <3

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    awwww :hugs:

    I don't think you're being irrational at all! :hugs: I'd feel the same way and wouldn't care to inform them about the baby either!! As far as the stained clothes go I feel you!! My SIL dumped all the crappy and stained clothes she had on me :growlmad: I had to go through massive garbage bags of clothes just to keep about 10 items! The really stained ones I threw away, and the ones that were kinda worn but still OK I donated to a family that really needs them. You think she would have thought to go through them and save me all that washing and ironing at 8 months pregnant!!
     
  5. Wilsey

    Wilsey Mummy of two!

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    My mother refers to my son as 'her baby'. At first it bothered me, and now I just go along with it. He's mine and always will be!! ;)

    I am going to be petty about telling people about the birth this time. I had a few friends who just didn't talk to me as much after I announced I was pregnant the first time, so this time around I haven't heard a peep from them. So they're definitely not getting told I've had the baby. I sort of want them to either see an announcement on FB or get told by another friend and maybe think 'ouch, why wasn't I told?!'. Immature - yes? Do I give a shit? - No! ;)
     
  6. Hb.x

    Hb.x Well-Known Member

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    I am the exact same - totally possessive!! Even with my own family, the thought of my baby being passed about like pass the parcel is making me mad. I'm really hoping I go after Christmas, because the thought of passing him about both mine and OH's family is driving me mad.
    There are a few family members on both sides who I don't get on with and I am DREADING allowing them near my baby. And my cousin (who is 9) announced she can't wait to play with him in the pool and push his pram around the pool when we go on holiday (he will be 6 months old - there is no way he will be pushed round a pool!!!)
    We also struggled for 2 years to fall pregnant successfully, plus had 4 m/c's so it probably is irrational but I don't care - this is MY baby haha!!!

    It drives me mad when I tell family they won't be babysitting twice a week when he is small, and I get back 'we'll see, just wait til baby is here and you'll be begging us to take him'. Emm no, me and OH are perfectly capable of looking after our little boy!!!! :growlmad:

    That feels much better lol, I'm glad I'm not the only hormonal possessive pregnant lady haha!!
     
  7. Bluewings

    Bluewings Blessed Twice

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    I don't think it's a FTM thing :) This will be our second bundle, and I have to say I feel even more possessive of both children now than when I was a FTM with DD! My mom always always said "my baby" and "our baby" with DD. I never thought much of it since she is my mom and I didn't think she was claiming any real motherly ownership, but it reallllllllly irked my hubby! It did irk me when a nurse would say "my baby" about DD (DD was in NICU and PICU for 2 months) since there was no relation, but I let it slide.

    This go around... I am already freaking out about the awkwardness of telling people to wash their hands before blinking towards my newborn. It already highly irritates me that random strangers everywhere we go (every time too!) touch and coddle on my 3-year-old. I don't know where your hands have been! I don't know you! Are you sick?! Stop touching her! And I know with a newborn people are even less apt to use their brains.

    OMG in getting an ache in my neck! LOL
     
  8. ArmyJsGirl

    ArmyJsGirl Well-Known Member

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    I have been really possessive of my baby. Especially with my in-laws. They drive me nuts sometimes. I just want to tell them to back off, in carrying this baby, I'm giving birth to her and she is MY and Hubs baby not theirs. Lol they are constantly talking about how when she gets here they're coming to stay and can't wait for 'their' baby to be here. Absolutely pisses me off and makes me wanna scream. Lol it's my first baby so I know I'm being possessive. I have tried to find ways to say I'd like the first week alone with DH and baby but I get told no that I'll have her for the next 18 years. Idk how to tell them nicely that while we appreciate them wanting to help, I'd like to have the first week to bond and establish breast feeding and cuddle my baby but I'm always told I have to get over it that it's not about me. Ugh! In-laws..
     
  9. LadyinWait

    LadyinWait Pregnant (Expecting)

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    I told my DH that we're going to put a note on the door telling people that upon entry they will have to wash their hands and there will be no kissing on the face. My dad and his side of the family have a bad habit of kissing ...I am a hugger.
    My admin assistant called and she all but said if I give birth this week then she will be here to see me next week. I was taken aback but I really wanted to say,"ummm... no, ma'am, you won't be seeing him next week!" A lot of people (in laws and friends) are not happy with me since I told them that I want at least a week to get acclimated and to bond. My friend always touches my belly when she sees me, I CANNOT STAND IT and she knows I don't like it. She is the only person that does that, I should just slap her hands. Sorry for the rant. But I understand the possessiveness!!
     
  10. Amsan

    Amsan Well-Known Member

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    I'm so glad it's not just me... Its not so much MY family that bothers me, because they've all been here for me since day one, listened to me scream and cry and bitch and complain, my mom has been by my side every time I've been in the hospital for one reason or another, they've all helped sooo much.

    FOB's sister however.. :growlmad: I know she's excited to be an aunt, I get that. But she's a (for lack of better descriptive words) fucking basket case. Pretty sure she is literally bipolar. Not only bipolar, but incredibly two faced and LOVES to start drama (for instance, not sure if any of you are in the US and have seen the show Swamp People, but the two Landry sons were in the area signing autographs, and I had posted a picture where I was knelt down between them, as they were sitting in chairs, to get a picture. Well, obviously being pregnant, my center of gravity is off so I was holding onto the arm of one of the chairs. She apparently goes over to a friends house in a pissing rage that "she cannot believe I posted some picture on Facebook holding hands with some guy!" Also, keep in mind, I'm not with FOB because he was screwing his ex girlfriend behind my back, which she fucking knew about. But seriously. Talked soooooo much shit about me holding hands with this guy! Not that I would have minded because he's the hotter brother, but get freaking real! Sorry for the rant, anyway!!!!)
    ANYWHO, whenever she actually DOES text me to see how I'm doing, it's "hows my baby doing!?" "Just push my baby out!" Um its not your fucking baby. He's not even your brother's baby. He is my baby. Fuck you both. :growlmad: OH and to add she thinks she's going to be in the delivery room when its time.. Ummm NO. Your brother will even be lucky if HE is in the delivery room! :growlmad: Fuckers. :growlmad:
     
  11. valentine1

    valentine1 Well-Known Member

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    I could have written this post myself! I am feeling SO possessive and anxious about people (especially MIL) thinking it's their baby. Mine also says 'our baby' and we also did IVF. So it's been a long and tough road to get here and I selfishly actually just want to keep him/her to me and my husband for a while. My husband tells me it's a little irrational but he can see where I'm coming from.
    My father in law is also retiring next year and him and my MIL make comments about how he's going to look after the grandchildren (my SIL is due 4 days after me). Um where do they think I'll be? I've already told them I plan to be a SAHM for a few years.
    Then they question everything we buy for baby and tell us we don't need it. And how they're taking a week off for the birth. I don't understand why they need time off? Sure maybe to be free when baby does arrive, but we want at least 24 hours of alone time before family visits and I'm being induced, but could go early.
    So no you're not alone. I get really upset about it sometimes and it's hard. People do not understand boundaries! Especially in-laws!!!
     
  12. Caitie44

    Caitie44 Shiny Spine Certified

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    I don't think you're being possessive at all, but maybe that's because I feel the same way. :shrug: The ILs started with the whole "our baby" crap after they found out I was pregnant (which annoyed me even more because they didn't give two shits about me before I turned incubator) and I shut them down real quick by saying "Oh, I didn't know you were involved when OH and I had sex!" They laughed awkwardly, but hasn't referred to LO as "their" baby anymore. At least to my face.

    I'm also seriously dreading the holidays. Both OH and I have huuuuuuge families that are really close, so it's pretty much expected we go around and visit during the holiday parties. I have a really strong feeling I'm going to be seen as Super Bitch because I won't be allowing relatives to play Pass the Baby, especially with it being the flu season at the time.
     
  13. bb1

    bb1 Well-Known Member

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    Yes Me!!
    My MIL would go on constantly with DS pregnancy saying her baby and My baby even though when I found out he was a boy she was so mad because she wanted a granddaughter. Also now DS is almost 2 she started telling him that he was HER SON!! I told DH we were not going there anymore and if she wants to see baby or DS she can come to our house to visit our children (DH and mine)
    This time its the same again asking me every scan if the doodle fell off but still referring to baby as hers or hows My baby doing....
    DRIVES ME CRAZY..Also her daughter (Aunty) trys to claim ownership all the time sending me messages saying how is My J doing.... I always reply that MY J is doing just fine and I dont know how hers is going.
     
  14. jocelynmarie

    jocelynmarie Well-Known Member

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    I'm STILL possesive over my first born lol. I for some reason don't feek that way about this one though.
     
  15. cherrylips100

    cherrylips100 Well-Known Member

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    I feel the same. Its nice that people are excited but I'm having a hard time knowing I'm going to have to 'share' when they've just been mine for so long. It also doesn't help that mil makes comments about visiting hospital straight away - um I don't think so!
    I've also said that I don't want any photos being posted on fb as I feel weird about it.
     
  16. Sams123

    Sams123 Well-Known Member

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    I feel exactly the same with my mil! She keeps referring to it as our baby or my baby (erm.... I'm carrying him/her it is most definitely not your baby!) Hubby is very supportive and on my side about it all luckily. We do have a good relationship but she is already planning when she will be having the baby overnight etc and I've had to correct her already! I feel very possessive of this baby already! I am anticipating many arguments coming! She has even bought baby clothes which I thought she would be giving to us, but has bought to keep at her house! Unbelievable I'm getting so wound up! Xx
     
  17. Hb.x

    Hb.x Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the no photos on Facebook thing. As much as I like to see babies on Facebook, I just don't want photos of my baby available to the world. OH has said he thinks I'm being silly and as his sister stays in England she needs to be able to see the baby. Emm no she doesn't, if he wants to send her photos then that is up to him, but I do not want photos on social media!! And I know she'll upload them just to annoy me as we really don't get on (she's just weird tbh and thinks her baby brother is too young to be getting married and a dad - he's 28!!!). Grrrr in laws!!
     
  18. girlnboots

    girlnboots Mother to 4 furbabies

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    My mil calls my baby "her little duckie" .....because of a camera phone picture of an ultrasound 30 weeks ago. She lives 13 hours away, expected us to drive to her, then refused to talk to us when we couldn't make it due to money and morning sickness. She posted pictures of our baby shower without permission and played it off like she was there, even though I hadn't talked to her for over a month before that. She was a terrible mother to my OH, so I instantly get bristly when she's involved. There's only so much attention she can ream from our daughter, but I know she's going to try.

    Otherwise, I only get protective when people say "I'm going to do such and such with your baby, so you better let me babysit!" Uh, no. You won't put tacky, itchy tutus on my daughter just to take a picture and change her outfit. When she's old enough to want to play dress up, that's fine. A newborn? No. Leave her alone.

    Oh, the more bad, unsolicited advice you give me, the more protective I get and the higher you are on my list of minimal visitations and supervised visits. No, eating lettuce will not help my morning sickness. I'm not a dog.

    I think I just get protective around stupid people, haha
     
  19. cherrylips100

    cherrylips100 Well-Known Member

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    Exactly! If someone wants to see them they can pay a visit, if its too far there's always email.
     
  20. MrsOC

    MrsOC Guest

    I am unfortunate really as for the in laws our little girl is going to be their first grandchild. Not only have they brought clothes to keep at their house- but a pram, cot and even have a car seat set up in their car. Don't get me wrong I get on with them and I want my daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents but it's just too much.

    We have had countless disagreements/arguments too. I am OK with having visitors at hospital but I said for the first week or two at home while the other half is on leave that I want it to be just us three so we can bond. But no...apparently my mother in law is all set and ready to move in "to help out". I've told her in no uncertain terms that if she turns up that I will be closing the door on her and bolting it so she can't use her keys.

    I'm also with not posting photos online. It just makes me uncomfortable. We do have relatives abroad but they can see her on Skype or we will email photos to them with instructions not to post them online.
     

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