Feeling pushed into it...

[aly888]

sooo, me and my fiancee only got engaged earlier this year (valentines day...cheesey eh?) but just recently his parents suggested that we have a 'quickie' wedding before the baby comes!!

I totally understand where they are coming from and all that, but they only suggested it on Friday, and yesterday (Sunday) they already had us writing our guest list!! Not to mention them making their own 'guest list' full of ppl neither me nor the other half even know

...but in short, i dont want to get married yet just for the sake of being married before our baby gets here!! We had always planned to have a long-ish engagement planning to finally marry in 2011/2012, but I feel like they are pushing us into it. They are even enquiring about a location for the reception later this week!!

Iv not mentioned how i feel to the OH yet...he tends to just go with the flow, but I dont want him to think im being an ungrateful bitch

Has anyone else ever bene in this or a similar position?? help seriously needed as they want us to marry before end of October!!!!! arrrgh

 

[Lil_Baby_Boo]

I'd tell them you don't want to marry til 2011/12!! They've no right to enquire about receptions etc IMO anyway!!

You just need to tell them, speak to your OH first and make sure it comes from both of you not just you! Can you imagine how you'd feel on your wedding day if they've pushed you in to it? Not having the wedding YOU want would be heart breaking!

You can explain how you want your LO involved etc - so long as your OH is on your side!

As for them making their own guest list etc etc, you need to tell them its your wedding. If they're paying for it then maybe they can invite a few people but so long as there's space for all the people you and your OH want there. There's nothing to say some of their friends couldn't come to the night do.

You really just got to tell them its not happening

 

[aly888]

thanks hun!

His parents are always like this. Always "interferring" and trying to be "helpful", and in fairness, they do help out alot. But when it comes to something like this I think they are taking it too far (they are also trying to convince us to choose a baby name they have chosen)!!

I am worried about trying to get the OH on side though. Up until now he has seemed more than happy for the wedding to happen this year (with me looking and feeling like a hippo for starters). We just have so many other things to be thinking about right now without adding rushed wedding plans to the list...

 

[Nemo and bump]

my family wanted me to marry before lo was born but as like you i didnt want the reason being baby was on way. we're getting married next year and our lo will be a flower girl. stick you your guns.

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

My OH's family have said the same. I just flat out said no. People keep saying we could just have a small wedding now and then a bigger ceremony in a few years like originally planned, but to me it would still mean i hadn't had the wedding i wanted. So no matter how often they hint I just refuse (then again some members of his family said i should have an abortion so i don't exactly respect their opinions) xx

 

[Kte]

Speak to your OH and let him know how you feel. You should both get married where, when and how you both choose not when anyone else wants you too! It is something that will be with you for the rest of your lives.

My OH's mother was saying we should get married before LO arrives and we said no. We will do it when we choose and how we choose. The added bonus is our LO will be there as a little bridesmaid or paige boy.

 

[polo_princess]

Cant you just ignore their phonecalls?

Just tell them youve got enough on your plate with the baby already and you would rather wait until after its born.

 

[aly888]

My OH's family have said the same. I just flat out said no. People keep saying we could just have a small wedding now and then a bigger ceremony in a few years like originally planned, but to me it would still mean i hadn't had the wedding i wanted. So no matter how often they hint I just refuse (then again some members of his family said i should have an abortion so i don't exactly respect their opinions) xx

OMG, your in-laws sound mental!!
That is exactly what they are saying to us too...have a quick wedding now then have your "proper" shin-dig in a few years. I'm like 'whats the point? i'd rather do it all properly in a few years'!!

Speak to your OH and let him know how you feel. You should both get married where, when and how you both choose not when anyone else wants you too! It is something that will be with you for the rest of your lives.

My OH's mother was saying we should get married before LO arrives and we said no. We will do it when we choose and how we choose. The added bonus is our LO will be there as a little bridesmaid or paige boy.

I spoke to him last night...was well nervous coz I thought he was gonna think that I didnt want to marry him, but he feels exactly the same as me. Now we just have to figure out how to tell the parents!!

Cant you just ignore their phonecalls?

lol, funny you should say that...the MIL-to-be text me today asking if she could come over tomorrow night to discuss wedding plans, so i ignored her!! But this woman does not give up easily

She has already been on the phone to the local registry office to check what needs to be done etc etc, already has her guest list sorted (including her in-laws from a previous marraige that are in no way related to us what-so-ever and we have never even heard of, let alone met), is sorting out a place for the reception later this week, and has already told my OH who they think his best man should be...doesnt seem to matter who HE wants as a best man!!

On the plus side, it did give everyone at my work today something for us to giggle about My boss thought I was exaggerating until I got the text
So far iv managed to keep sane by getting some paint samples for the babies room and focusing on that

 

[Kte]

Glad you and you OH agree! Good luck with telling them

She seems very over the top! Just remeber, no matter how much organising she does for it all, if you both aren't there it can't happen!!

 

[aly888]

OMG THIS WOMAN DOES NOT GIVE IN!!!

So, both me and the OH told her yesterday that we think we have too much to think about as it is and adding wedding plans to the mix is just too much in too short space of time! not to mention the money...her 'amazing' solution to the matter was "oh, dont worry, i'll do all the organising, you two just have to turn up on the day"!! i mean, WTF?? does she not think that we are looking forward to planning our own wedding!?
so i tried the angle of not wanting to look like a hippo in the wedding pics and would rather have LO there involved with everything...she says it's ok, i wont be able to afford a dress anyway so i can just get married in a loose fitting top and some trousers!!!!!!!! She actually has an answer for everything...Short of telling her where to stick her feckin' 'wedding plans', im at a total loss! I dont want to fall out with them over this as they are going to be our LO's closest relatives, but she is seriously pushing me to my limits!

It wouldnt be such an issue if i knew she was just doing this to try and be helpful, but all she cares about is making sure her grandchild isnt born out of wedlock...so much so that she is willing to basically force her only son to sacrifice what is meant to be an amazing day for a quickie shot-gun wedding at their local village hall!!!!!

 

[Kte]

Maybe a fall-out is in order She just doesn't seem to get the picture! The actions may speak louder than words? It may give her time to realise what is really important before LO arrives.

Are there any other family and friends you could get to help you both put the message across to her? She seems very stuck in her old fashioned ways - but she needs to get over it!! She should be more concerned about her family than how it looks to other people!

If she brings it up could you both just say you won't talk about it with her . . . or just get up and leave if she keeps it up?

It must be so frustrating for you

 

[honeybee2]

Just tell her and you have too............. tell her, look- its our day and we will not marry this yr for the sake of being pregnant, we are marrying for the sake of love & loyalty, and although i know you have the best intentions at heart, it is not our wish to be married this year and we will begin planning after the little one has arrived and would be greatful if you helped then.

 

[Babydance]

What a pickle hun!! Any updates? Has she ordered your wedding cake yet? lol It must be so hard!! but stick to your guns its your life and your child!! xx

 

[aly888]

What a pickle hun!! Any updates? Has she ordered your wedding cake yet? lol It must be so hard!! but stick to your guns its your life and your child!! xx

she has backed off...finally!! i dont know who said what to her but she just came over one evening and apologised if she had been coming across as 'pushy' (ehem...understatement or what!! ). I have a feeling the OH said something to her, but he isnt the most tactful and probably blamed it on me! haha!! I had got my dad and step-mum on side too so if she had mentioned it to them they were gonna back us up. And I didnt even dare mention it to my mum coz she would have flipped and been straight on the phone to the MIL, which is the last thing i need
but like i say she has stopped planning everything...for now!! she was very quick to "suggest" we have a naming ceremony and wedding 'in one' once baby is here, so no doubt I can expect all the plans to start again come this December! I will just have to cross that bridge when i get to it i suppose

Thank you girlies...now i can get back to dreaming about how i want my wedding to actually be, and then realise that i am never going to afford it in a million years *sigh*

 

[Pinkgirl]

Glad shes back of hunni, at the end of the day its not up to her its for you and OH to decided to do whats best xx

 

[Kte]

I am so glad she has backed off for you