Feeling really down and kinda hopeless

L

LilMiss_91

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Bit of background, me, OH and LO currently live with my parents while we save for a mortgage. OH works and I'm a SAHM (looking for part time work).
So LO is napping and I've just been browsing local houses up for sale. And we can't afford anything. The banks will only lend us about £60k, and around here that's barely enough for a garden freakin' shed :,(
I'm starting to get to the point where I would like to think about trying for another baby (the plan was to have a 3yr gap). And I just can't see that happening. We can't even afford 2 bed house let alone a 3 bed. I feel like we're going to be stuck for years not being to grow and extend our family and then there'll be a massive age gap and everything will be so disjointed and horrible :( I feel so sad and unhappy thinking about it. I just feel like it's never going to happen and we'll just be a teeny tiny family of 3 for ever and ever and be stuck a teeny tiny little house we can barely afford. Anyone else in a similar situation?
 
My husband and I are living in a condo with his brother while their parents pay the rent. We are living here for a year, while we save up money for a mortgage. We moved here from out of state 3 months ago, and I only just got a job. Husband is still looking but I think he'll at least get something this month. Based on what I make and what he will probably make, plus car payments and crazy school loans, we won't be able to comfortably afford anything more than a 2 bedroom tiny house in a good neighborhood. We don't want to have more than one child, which we are planning to start TTC next summer. We would like to adopt in the future, but that's at least 5 years down the road, so a small starter home would be fine for us.

I'm wondering what we would even be pre-approved for. I know what we will be able to comfortably afford (Neither of us have any interest in being house-poor), and I have a feeling we would end up being approved for much more, and get some agent wanting us to get something more expensive.
 
My husband and I are living in a condo with his brother while their parents pay the rent. We are living here for a year, while we save up money for a mortgage. We moved here from out of state 3 months ago, and I only just got a job. Husband is still looking but I think he'll at least get something this month. Based on what I make and what he will probably make, plus car payments and crazy school loans, we won't be able to comfortably afford anything more than a 2 bedroom tiny house in a good neighborhood. We don't want to have more than one child, which we are planning to start TTC next summer. We would like to adopt in the future, but that's at least 5 years down the road, so a small starter home would be fine for us.

I'm wondering what we would even be pre-approved for. I know what we will be able to comfortably afford (Neither of us have any interest in being house-poor), and I have a feeling we would end up being approved for much more, and get some agent wanting us to get something more expensive.

I live in Australia, so house prices are a bit different, but we got approved for a 700k loan, but we knew that wasn't realistic for us to pay back, so we loaned $400k. You don't have to spend what they approve you for :)

One of our goals was to buy a house before TTC. Now just waiting on OH to be ready..

I think you need to just prioritise. We don't have any children yet, but we wanted to buy a house (we built), and get married before children. That doesn't mean the same things are as important to other couples. Could you rent & start TTC? If that's what's more important to you (having children) then that's maybe what you need to think about doing?
 
@apreslaube It sounds to me like you've got a pretty decent plan set out. Right now it feela like we have a goal and absolutely no way of realistically getting there!

@Buffyx Renting isn't really an option for us as where we live there aren't many suitable rental properties (we're rural) and also I know that as soon as we began renting we would be kissing goodbye to any hope of ever owning our own home which is also very important to us as we would like a secure home to raise our children in, not one that we could be kicked out of on a whim of the owner!
 
have you thought about moving to a different area where house prices are cheaper? in know its not ideal but it could be a way for you to get your foot on the ladder and get your own space while you look for a job
or if you could get a full time job (on a temp basis) just for the purpose of your mortgage, you only need 3 months of pay slips for your mortgage application, theres the help to buy scheme now too
good luck, its so hard when your starting off (me and oh are in the process of buying right now) x
 
have you thought about moving to a different area where house prices are cheaper? in know its not ideal but it could be a way for you to get your foot on the ladder and get your own space while you look for a job
or if you could get a full time job (on a temp basis) just for the purpose of your mortgage, you only need 3 months of pay slips for your mortgage application, theres the help to buy scheme now too
good luck, its so hard when your starting off (me and oh are in the process of buying right now) x

Well we live in an area which is notorious for it's high house prices and low incomes so that would mean moving right out of the county which is out of the question for us. If I were to take on a full time job it would mean putting my son in a nursery which is the last thing I want to do. I aim to keep all childcare within the family until he's primary school age. I don't want to undermine the way I want to raise my son just to put ourselves in the position to have another as that seems a little backward to me!
 
have you thought about moving to a different area where house prices are cheaper? in know its not ideal but it could be a way for you to get your foot on the ladder and get your own space while you look for a job
or if you could get a full time job (on a temp basis) just for the purpose of your mortgage, you only need 3 months of pay slips for your mortgage application, theres the help to buy scheme now too
good luck, its so hard when your starting off (me and oh are in the process of buying right now) x

Well we live in an area which is notorious for it's high house prices and low incomes so that would mean moving right out of the county which is out of the question for us. If I were to take on a full time job it would mean putting my son in a nursery which is the last thing I want to do. I aim to keep all childcare within the family until he's primary school age. I don't want to undermine the way I want to raise my son just to put ourselves in the position to have another as that seems a little backward to me!

I guess you've just answered all your own questions. If you're wanting to buy a house, but not willing to move or rent, and if you're not wanting to work, thennnn? Looks like you just have to wait it out until you're in a better situation.
 
I think you can only weigh up your options, if owning a house is that important to you then you will have to hold out on the second child until you have a mortgage. We also had a happy accident with our eldest and because of this we had to reassess our life, we again also wanted a 3 year gap, ideally before we had kids we would have liked to have owned but once we had set our path in having our eldest I knew that would have to be a long way off now, it was important for me to have a sibling for DS1 and I wanted a 3 year gap, owning a house couldn't trump that so we went ahead with our second. As it happens owning isn't really an option for us with our lifestyle at the moment with DH being in the military and us not knowing where to settle, so it genuinely doesn't matter to us right now, but while I think owning a house is a lovely goal and certainly one I hope to achieve not too long away, it's not something I would put my life on hold for if I have already started my family. In 10 years time will your son be thinking "I'm so glad you bought the house when you did" or "I'm so glad Ive got a play mate?" Just playing devils advocate, we can't always have everything at once especially when life throws us surprises so we just have to reshuffle our priorities :flower: if you manage to find work you will probably find getting a decent mortgage could happen much sooner, fingers crossed for you.
 
have you thought about moving to a different area where house prices are cheaper? in know its not ideal but it could be a way for you to get your foot on the ladder and get your own space while you look for a job
or if you could get a full time job (on a temp basis) just for the purpose of your mortgage, you only need 3 months of pay slips for your mortgage application, theres the help to buy scheme now too
good luck, its so hard when your starting off (me and oh are in the process of buying right now) x

Well we live in an area which is notorious for it's high house prices and low incomes so that would mean moving right out of the county which is out of the question for us. If I were to take on a full time job it would mean putting my son in a nursery which is the last thing I want to do. I aim to keep all childcare within the family until he's primary school age. I don't want to undermine the way I want to raise my son just to put ourselves in the position to have another as that seems a little backward to me!

I guess you've just answered all your own questions. If you're wanting to buy a house, but not willing to move or rent, and if you're not wanting to work, thennnn? Looks like you just have to wait it out until you're in a better situation.

Ok... thanks. I wasn't actually asking any queations though, I only wanted to hear from other people that might be in a similar situation. It's not often you get a couple in their 20's living with parents along with a young baby and it often feels like we're the only ones! Thanks for the input though.
 
We're in a similar situation, my, DH and LO all moved in my parents to save for a deposit as we were renting. I'm also a SAHM and my DH works, but we're lucky in that my DH has quite a well paid job. Unfortunately you're never going to get a mortgage these days on minimum wage. Banks will usually only lend 3 and a half times your annual income.
What we did, and it might be worth you checking out, is looked at new build developments in the area. A new build home is usually more expensive initially, but we took advantage of the help to buy scheme. The help to buy scheme means we only need a 5% deposit, and then the government give you a loan for 20% of the homes value, so you only need a 75% mortgage, which also brings mortgage repayments down as the interest on a 75% mortgage is much less than on say a 95% mortgage.
We've reserved a lovely 3 bed house with a garden, and only had to move about 5 miles out of the area, which considering we both drive is nothing.
Oh, and I'm pregnant for the second time! Our house should be complete about a month after baby arrives, which although isn't ideal, I'd much rather wait that month and own our own home.
 
I think you can only weigh up your options, if owning a house is that important to you then you will have to hold out on the second child until you have a mortgage. We also had a happy accident with our eldest and because of this we had to reassess our life, we again also wanted a 3 year gap, ideally before we had kids we would have liked to have owned but once we had set our path in having our eldest I knew that would have to be a long way off now, it was important for me to have a sibling for DS1 and I wanted a 3 year gap, owning a house couldn't trump that so we went ahead with our second. As it happens owning isn't really an option for us with our lifestyle at the moment with DH being in the military and us not knowing where to settle, so it genuinely doesn't matter to us right now, but while I think owning a house is a lovely goal and certainly one I hope to achieve not too long away, it's not something I would put my life on hold for if I have already started my family. In 10 years time will your son be thinking "I'm so glad you bought the house when you did" or "I'm so glad Ive got a play mate?" Just playing devils advocate, we can't always have everything at once especially when life throws us surprises so we just have to reshuffle our priorities :flower: if you manage to find work you will probably find getting a decent mortgage could happen much sooner, fingers crossed for you.

Thankyou a lot for this. Maybe sometimes you need someone to play devils advocate! You make some very interesting points so I'll definitely have a think about what you said :).
I am looking for part time work right now but it's tough, living rurally and me not driving makes it tricky to find something suitable. I am planning on registering as a childminder when we have the space but unfortunately that isn't an option while we live with my parents.
 
Another option might be buying a property which needs work done. We got a three bed ground floor flat with a front and back garden and it's own front door in a good area for £65,000. It is not our "dream" home - we want a detached - but it is great for space, and most of the properties on our street are in the £300,000+ price bracket!

We took the mortgage over 17 years, which means we will be mortgage free by the time we are 41, if we stay put. Our monthly payments are only £380 as well, so more than affordable.

We borrowed slightly more from our parents (a few thousand) as the whole property needed damp proofed. This cost us nearly £3,000 but comes with a 30 year guarantee. We also needed a new kitchen, which we spent about £6500 on - but we went for a high end finish, we could have done this significantly less. All walls and ceilings needed plastered, and we needed complete redecoration throughout. We took out a finance deal on the kitchen plus borrowed a small amount on a 1 year loan from the bank to pay for furniture. We also financed our sofa, but it was interest free and we are paying it over 18 months so we don't really notice it!

Anyway, the point is, we bought the house in January this year. We paid £65,000 on a fixed price deal. The property was valued at £72,000. We spent roughly £10,000 on renovations, the property is valued at £81,000 now, 8 months later! This isn't taking into account the new kitchen etc. we are going to get another independent valuation when we finish some repairs (we had a burst pipe and the insurance are being awkward) but we hope to sell and build up enough of a deposit for our dream home.

Is this an option?
 
Another option might be buying a property which needs work done. We got a three bed ground floor flat with a front and back garden and it's own front door in a good area for £65,000. It is not our "dream" home - we want a detached - but it is great for space, and most of the properties on our street are in the £300,000+ price bracket!

We took the mortgage over 17 years, which means we will be mortgage free by the time we are 41, if we stay put. Our monthly payments are only £380 as well, so more than affordable.

We borrowed slightly more from our parents (a few thousand) as the whole property needed damp proofed. This cost us nearly £3,000 but comes with a 30 year guarantee. We also needed a new kitchen, which we spent about £6500 on - but we went for a high end finish, we could have done this significantly less. All walls and ceilings needed plastered, and we needed complete redecoration throughout. We took out a finance deal on the kitchen plus borrowed a small amount on a 1 year loan from the bank to pay for furniture. We also financed our sofa, but it was interest free and we are paying it over 18 months so we don't really notice it!

Anyway, the point is, we bought the house in January this year. We paid £65,000 on a fixed price deal. The property was valued at £72,000. We spent roughly £10,000 on renovations, the property is valued at £81,000 now, 8 months later! This isn't taking into account the new kitchen etc. we are going to get another independent valuation when we finish some repairs (we had a burst pipe and the insurance are being awkward) but we hope to sell and build up enough of a deposit for our dream home.

Is this an option?

We did consider this as an option, and still do, but not many properties like that come up around here. And also because it's a desirable area it means the prices are still pretty hefty. A derelict house sold a few weeks ago for 250,000!!
 
We are possibly looking at a place to rent! I found it earlier today, 3 bed, semi-detached, nice garden and only £550 a month which should be more than affordable for us, especially if I can get a part time job or start my childminding. Fingers crossed. Am excited and nervous!
 
From what I've often heard people say if you waited until you feel you can afford a kid you will never have another kid. I think you just make it work if you really want another kid... Or you just wait and have a really big age difference.
 
Well, the house we saw today is a no-go. The 3rd bedroom wasn't exactly a bedroom as there is no way you have even fit my sons cot in it comfortably.
The only other house in the area is up for application so chanxes are we won't get that either.
I am absolutely gutted and so upset :,( looks like baby #2 will just have to be a very distant dream.
 
I understand what you are saying about being down and feeling hopeless. I'm 31. DH is older. I moved to live with DH from the US to Germany in Dec. Sometimes I feel really down, because I can't imagine when we would be ready TTC #1 (nevermind #2). I have students loans to pay back. I haven't found a job. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment (I have come to terms that the American dream of a house will never be in my future.). We need to save money up to pay back my loans and move to a bigger apartment before we will really discuss TTC. I know if I found a job, then I wouldn't think about wanting a baby, because I would be busy. The fact that I don't know many people here and my family is in the U.S. doesn't help.
 

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