Feeling sad (sorry just feeling sorry for myself and need to get it out)

[overcomer79]

I am just a bit upset right now. I have a "friend" that I used to talk closely to at least once a week. She and I were ttc at the same time. Well, they overlapped for about a year and a half. She underwent tests, was put on clomid and other forms and nothing happened. She just has unexplained infertility. We even talked about my struggles and she was very encouraging in sept/oct that I really should consider getting tests done since I had been ttc for 3 years at that time. I decided to wait until I had a break over Christmas (work an academic year).

In May of last year, she adopted a beautiful 2 year old little girl and was really happy and I was very happy for her. It costs up there to adopt and I knew at this time that would not just be an option for us. In fact, I had my doubts about adoption due to "discrimination" over my vision that I would face from the state (even though they would say it was over something else).

I had a long debate about whether to tell her or not as we live in different states now. OH called one of his friends, who also is having fertility issues, and she took it very well and congratulated us and is very very happy for us. I then decided that I would tell my friend. She acted happy but hasn't talked to me since. She always "has to run" when I try to talk to her. She is a teacher and I know how busy their jobs are (I am one as well) but we used to talk regularly and she was a teacher then. I feel like if I hadn't told her, that we would still be friends. I am feeling so down right now. At first it didn't really bother me, but I am now feeling James move and just wanted someone to share in my happiness and be an encouragement for her for whenshe was ready to take that ttc journey again. I guess that will never happen though .

Thanks for listening, these damn hormones make things a lot harder to deal with.

 

[cinnamongirl]

Aw hun! I'm sure it will get better in time. Maybe she's a little sad and needs some time to adjust. I know that I have a friend who has had multiple m/c and I've also had one, and she was there to comfort me which was fantastic. But, when I got my I almost didn't want to tell her cuz I knew it would be hard for her to hear of yet another of her friends who've become preg, while she has struggled for so long, and may not even be able to. (so she is exploring adoption)

She might just need some time to swallow it and get over her own personal feelings about it. I know it's still hard when you want to share your joy.

 

[smith87999]

I agree... I think that it probably has nothing to do with you... and everything to do with her... just give her some time to make ok with it... I am sure she will be happy for you in a little time.. and you are right... pregnancy hormones do make things worse...

She also could just be really busy right now... I would give her the benefit of the doubt..

That is great that you are feeling movements.. it is so nice to know baby is okay and not have to wait till the dr visit to hear the heart beat...

 

[djgirl1976]

I agree...it is sad for you to not be able to feel like you can chat with her right now, but she is probably sad and needs some time. I imagine once you are no longer pregnant and doing mommy things, you all may have more in common to talk about comfortably for her Try not to let it bug you much!

 

[Lorien]

Another possibility is that she really is that busy -- if she's working as a teacher, with all that entails, and is now a mum to a busy toddler, she probably doesn't have as much free time as before. In any case, don't take it personally.

You could also try to set up a particular and neutral meeting place, like offer to meet her and her daughter at the park so you can chat but she will also be able to include her kid -- that way, if she is at all uncomfy with your pregnancy, she will have her own child to comfort her as well.

Good luck!

 

[tillymum]

I sorta understand how you feel. As my friend since childhood told me she is too jealous of my pregnancy that she can't be happy for me. We haven't spoken since.
I feel let down too, and find it easier not to talk to her until she is comfortable around me again.
Give her time and hopefully she'll come round.

 

[PrincessSoph]

big

 

[overcomer79]

Ok, example (more ranting sorry). When I sign on IM...she immediately goes away! She does this all the time. I guess I know where I stand with her but my point is she knew I was struggling too. I have to admit that when my SIL got pregnant with her second when her first was only three months old, I was upset but I didn't stop talking to her. I'm just sick of feeling punished for something I have no control over!!!

 

[smith87999]

So sorry Overcomer... I'm sure it really hurts... and as much as we wish we could ... we can't see what they are thinking... it probably just opens a wound for her... she is probably just thinking about herself and her sadness and not about how much you are feeling hurt by her actions.. I hope she eventually comes around...

 

[avabear73]

Hello

What about sending her a little card saying you're thinking about her and missing your chats and hope you can catch up soon for a chat ... and then leave it for her to make the next move. Maybe once she's had some time she'll come around.

 

[Pippin]

Hey hon she'll come back. I have a number of friends that are having trouble conceiving and I know how hard they have taken it that mine happened so quickly. Just be there for her when she comes back to her, she will come back when she is ready.

 

[SianMA]

It really is sad to hear that you're feeling so down and your friend can't share your joy, however having been on the other end of this situation all I can say is try not to take it personally. Very hard I know but when my friend told me she was pg a month after my miscarriage I was gutted - it initially felt like my heart had been torn out and then i just felt really guilty for feeling so sorry for myself.

As time went on i went through a whole array of emotions, I was sad, happy for my friend, angry that I couldn't conceive, angry with my friend for being 'insensitive' (she wasn't at all), angry with myself for being selfish and stupid, sad again etc.etc.

I never thought that i would be able to speak to her again as every time someone mentioned her name I almost burst into tears! Never mind actually being able to speak to her face-to-face. I hadn't dealt with my feelings about my mc so couldn't deal with her hapiness.

I think the idea of sending her a card or letter that focuses solely on how you feel about her is a nice way to show that you really need her in your life right now. My friend contacted me to say how awkward she felt telling me and how much she valued my friendship and it made me feel so much better. Just let her know that you are there if she ever wants to talk, that you understand how hard it is for her and don't blame her for avoiding you. She will get over it in her own time but that might take quite a while. It took me 4 months.

She really isn't angry/ upset with you, only with the situation she finds herself in, and the fact that you are sad about the lost contact shows how much you care for her. I hope she can come to terms with it soon.

 

[PrettyBonk]

At first it didn't really bother me, but I am now feeling James move and just wanted someone to share in my happiness and be an encouragement for her for whenshe was ready to take that ttc journey again. I guess that will never happen though .

Thanks for listening, these damn hormones make things a lot harder to deal with.

I know how you feel ...ever since I got my BFP my BFF and I haven't been very close...I've noticed that it does bother her a bit when I talk about my pregnancy...ever since I stopped talking about it...we are going back to normal...it sucks...