Feeling sad

[Skywalker]

I think it's a good idea to contact the mediator in your church; that's a good start. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you've a lot of stuff to weigh up. I know the health care system in the US isn't great, but don't underestimate how helpful friends and family are, both when you're heavily pregnant and with a tiny newborn. Have you told any of your friends and family back home what's going on? It might help to get their perspective.

I'm sorry that he's told you he doesn't want this baby. Have you discussed what he DOES want?

Yeah, I think I'm going to get that started pretty soon. I'm just pretty leery of the States right now with what's going on with the government shutdown and Obamacare. I am (sorry I do NOT mean to start a political debate, I mention this only to explain my timidity about going back) 100% opposed to Obamacare and I just learned today that there's a proviso in it that states government agents can maditorily enter your home to do inspections and "interventions" with certain citizens like new mothers, people in the armed forces, etc., and can even mandate that children take specific drugs or even be removed from the home. I can't tell you how terrifying that is to me being that I am against taking any drugs that aren't medically necessary and I don't want a government agent deciding for us what is medically necessary and removing my child if I refuse. I would never neglect my child or refuse my child the medical care she needs - just the thought of having a government person around whenever they please, with the power to take my child from me if I disagree with them that my child needs some sort of powerful drug when these people aren't even doctors, is something that definitely is weighing in my equation on what to do. It's not so much that I'm afraid of the medical costs because there are programs like Medicaid. I WANT to go back to the States if we break-up, I'm just afraid of that, and also of my baby having trouble getting New Zealand citizenship if she's born in the States, making it potentially hard for her to see her father in the future if he ever decides he wants to see her.

Basically he has always "joked" that he wants me to get rid of it, always "joking" because he knows I already told him that I will have this baby with or without him. He knows how I feel. I flat out told him I am NOT aborting. I could not and would never abort my baby. Especially not because the man who got me pregnant is really still a teenager in a nearly 30 year old's body and wants to still go out and be reckless and party. If he doesn't want to be a part of this child's life, that is really sad, but that doesn't make me want to end this child's life - it just makes me want to find a man who will love her and care for her as his own, that is, if my OH can't come around and realize that this is a beautiful thing and that maybe it's time to grow up. So I know what he wants and in my opinion it's what he always wants, to duck responsibility and to pretend like this baby doesn't exist. I'm just hoping that when he sees the baby on the scan on the 22nd, he'll realize it's really real, there's really a baby in there, and it's really his, and maybe that will be enough of a wake-up call for him to stop acting how he has been acting. I really hope so because I'd prefer to have this baby know her father at least! But I ultimately will do what I feel is best for my child, and I'll leave the door open for him if he ever changes his mind. I've tried to encourage him to be a part of this but you can't make someone care more than they do. I just hope he starts caring more, and really soon.

I'm sorry you guys. I know this situation is heavy and there are a lot of factors in it. I won't ask you guys to try to figure it out for me but I am so thankful that you guys are here to listen

 

[redlemonade]

I hope he does come around when he goes to your next scan. It does sound like he's trying to find a way out of the pregnancy/his responsibility. Sending positive vibes to get you through the next few weeks! And best of luck with the mediator.

As for the medical care in the US - that sounds pretty far fetched that a government person would intervene like you described. Are you sure that's not just some republican nonsense trying to scaremonger the public? There's just no way a child would be taken from its parents that easily or that they would be forced to give their child powerful drugs! I think there's a lot of misinformation out there.

Take it one day at a time and take care.

 

[surprisepg]

I am so sorry skywalker... I am kinda in the same boat as you.

My baby was conceived overseas in the US while I was visiting FOB. We got carried away with our passion I guess and didnt think of the consequences of a pregnancy. He was scared and started to stress about this situation we put ourselves in and although not the most excited about it he never told me he didnt want it or that he wouldnt take part of the babys life.

Well 5 weeks ago at 10 weeks he told his mother and all that changed. His mother told him that he needs to get a dna test and until then to wait it out and to not claim the baby as his own until dna proved he was. I havent heard from him since then. I sent him numerous texts the first few days of him giving me the silent treatment and in response he sent a text to my friend telling her that he didnt want to talk to me right now because he was too stressed and couldnt concentrate on anything and that telling me would only cause an argument.

Although I live in my own country both my parents have passed away, i am in the middle of a bad divorce and property settlement and only have 2 friends i can rely on. 1 is here and one overseas. Its hard, has been very hard for me emotionally. FOB is 33 years old and a mummas boy at that. He is obviously listening to his mum. My biggest fear is that he wont step up to the plate to do this dna test and I will have to go through legal means and him not accepting responsibility for his own child.

I feel for you, its such a horrible feeling not only because you thought you knew this man but it hurts when they arent excited about a baby that is innocent and was conceived together... its like how can he deny his own blood, his own miracle?

I am a strong believer that it takes a man to realise he is a father and accept it once the baby is born. Most men especially first time fathers get shit scared because they are selfish and they start to think of everything they have to give up, what they dont realise is all they have to gain.... being immature doesnt help but I know one day FOB will regret his decision to not be involved in this pregnancy. If i had one wish though it would be for him to be involved in his childs life.... one day though he will have to answer to his behavior, maybe not me but to his child.

I wish you all the best... PM me if you want always ready to lend you an ear and shoulder xoxo

 

[Skywalker]

I hope he does come around when he goes to your next scan. It does sound like he's trying to find a way out of the pregnancy/his responsibility. Sending positive vibes to get you through the next few weeks! And best of luck with the mediator.

As for the medical care in the US - that sounds pretty far fetched that a government person would intervene like you described. Are you sure that's not just some republican nonsense trying to scaremonger the public? There's just no way a child would be taken from its parents that easily or that they would be forced to give their child powerful drugs! I think there's a lot of misinformation out there.

Take it one day at a time and take care.

Thanks for you response, and yes, I agree. I really hope so, too, and I hope that with the mediator's help, we can calmly agree to just put it aside right now and only discuss it when I'm in my second trimester.

This is the article I read: https://www.examiner.com/article/re...allow-forced-home-inspections-by-gov-t-agents. It actually sites the official Health and Human Services government website so I am pretty sure that it is legit. I don't currently match any of the criteria but if I am dating a smoker who lives with me in the house, then I would. Just freaks me out.

Thank you for the positive vibes! I agree, I think it's important to stay positive over these next few weeks and try not to stress. It won't help me move time faster or come to a resolution faster! I'm sure there's a reason for everything, too. No idea what the reason is for this yet, but I'm sure I'll find out

Thanks for your help and kind words

 

[redlemonade]

Hey skywalker, I checked out that article. Nothing in it is legit, there's heaps of conjecture. Let me tell you, as a social worker, there is NO WAY that children can be taken from parents that easily. If there is any provision in obamacare for protection of children in high risk households, then how can that be a bad thing? The bit about forcing vaccines is absolute conjecture in particular. Joe Newby, from what I understand, is a conservative columnist who will, of course, go against obamacare. He's making it out that the government are going to have everyone under heavy control but, in reality, only bad parents need worry. And if it's true that smokers will be considered high risk, then I'm glad about that too. I grew up with both parents smoking and it's damaged my throat and lungs.

I'd check out the governments websites, not some conservative journalist I don't think you'd have anything to worry about in relation to this article

I hope things work out, best of luck!

 

[Skywalker]

Hey skywalker, I checked out that article. Nothing in it is legit, there's heaps of conjecture. Let me tell you, as a social worker, there is NO WAY that children can be taken from parents that easily. If there is any provision in obamacare for protection of children in high risk households, then how can that be a bad thing? The bit about forcing vaccines is absolute conjecture in particular. Joe Newby, from what I understand, is a conservative columnist who will, of course, go against obamacare. He's making it out that the government are going to have everyone under heavy control but, in reality, only bad parents need worry. And if it's true that smokers will be considered high risk, then I'm glad about that too. I grew up with both parents smoking and it's damaged my throat and lungs.

I'd check out the governments websites, not some conservative journalist I don't think you'd have anything to worry about in relation to this article

I hope things work out, best of luck!

Thanks for that Yeah, I didn't check it out anywhere else. Probably good to get every angle! And thanks, I hope things do, too

 

[CastawayBride]

Skywalker please don't take this the wrong way but at times I believe you may be a bit gulliable. Even though there is a State shut down everything is business as usual....we still have medicaid here (if you don't have health insurance, not sure if you have your own policy or if you fall under your parents)but I have seen other posts where you worry about crying affecting your baby, it really won't! There are no people busting in doors to show others how to parent, etc. There is alot of false information circulating due to different political parties...it is a shame b/c some people actually believe it and run with it! (I have seen false information all over Facebook!) I just hope you get the best care possible for you and baby and I fear that whatever your mediator says your OH is not going to care...I would say do it sooner then later. I would not want to be dealing with this situation in third trimester, much better to deal with it in this trimester.

You also say that you don't think he would make you stay there with the baby. I sure hope you are right....at least if the baby was born in the US you could always have that in your corner if it ever did become an issue down the road. You never know what people are thinking...

 

[Medea1978]

Hi Love...I too am really sorry that you are going through this. from everythign that you've posted about your OH, it sounds like he is quite a selfish jerk. I wanted to throat chop him at least a half doxen times. My mom raised three of us on her own..two different deadbeat dads. she sure did sacrafice alot but she did the best she could and it was more than enough for us. you're a smart, independent, beautiful woman and I just know that you're going to be ok no matter what you decide. your BF doesn't deserve you...try and remain calm. I know WAYYYY easier said than done

 

[Skywalker]

Hi Love...I too am really sorry that you are going through this. from everythign that you've posted about your OH, it sounds like he is quite a selfish jerk. I wanted to throat chop him at least a half doxen times. My mom raised three of us on her own..two different deadbeat dads. she sure did sacrafice alot but she did the best she could and it was more than enough for us. you're a smart, independent, beautiful woman and I just know that you're going to be ok no matter what you decide. your BF doesn't deserve you...try and remain calm. I know WAYYYY easier said than done

Thank you for this. After another upset with him last night I have decided I am definitely going back to the States. I don't know which State yet, but I know it will be less harmful for my baby to have to struggle a bit to get her a visa to come back to New Zealand to visit her dad (if he ever wants that) than to live in a situation like this. If he changes and the time apart does us good, we can try again. But I can't wait around for him to change when there's more than just my happiness at stake, and I finally realized last night that my happiness should have even been enough of a reason for me to handle this. It took the urge to protect my unborn baby to really raise me up out of this situation and give me the courage to leave it. I really don't like the idea of a break-up, but I asked OH last night if he could agree that for the rest of the month, we don't criticize each other, we don't fight, and we don't talk about the relationship, then, when I'm in the second trimester, we can talk about the relationship. He didn't agree to this and only said, "Maybe." I wanted to wait until I was in the second trimester before I left because I didn't want the situation to be too upsetting, but I think I'm not even that sad about it anymore, I'm just mad. Last night I just wanted to transport myself to the States and as far away from him as possible.

CastawayBride, I don't take offence to that and I think you might be right. I've been living in a crazy situation that's sort of made me afraid of everything so when I hear something alarming, it's sort of been my method of operation to just assume that it could be true and operate as if it were true just to be on the safe side, but that's no way to live life. Also, I really and truly highly doubt that he will have any problems with me leaving the country with this baby, but I do agree that having the US in my corner is better in my favour than not. He does not want this baby at all, at all.

I have this month to quietly pack up my things and decide on which State I'm going to and I'm actually feeling happier since making this decision. There are more people who will care a lot more about this baby in the States than there are here, and that is the best possible option available to me right now to provide her a positive, bright future. Plus, a happier mommy will probably help quite a lot! Thank you all soooooooooooooooo much for your kind words of encouragement and comfort.

 

[CastawayBride]

Hi Love...I too am really sorry that you are going through this. from everythign that you've posted about your OH, it sounds like he is quite a selfish jerk. I wanted to throat chop him at least a half doxen times. My mom raised three of us on her own..two different deadbeat dads. she sure did sacrafice alot but she did the best she could and it was more than enough for us. you're a smart, independent, beautiful woman and I just know that you're going to be ok no matter what you decide. your BF doesn't deserve you...try and remain calm. I know WAYYYY easier said than done

Thank you for this. After another upset with him last night I have decided I am definitely going back to the States. I don't know which State yet, but I know it will be less harmful for my baby to have to struggle a bit to get her a visa to come back to New Zealand to visit her dad (if he ever wants that) than to live in a situation like this. If he changes and the time apart does us good, we can try again. But I can't wait around for him to change when there's more than just my happiness at stake, and I finally realized last night that my happiness should have even been enough of a reason for me to handle this. It took the urge to protect my unborn baby to really raise me up out of this situation and give me the courage to leave it. I really don't like the idea of a break-up, but I asked OH last night if he could agree that for the rest of the month, we don't criticize each other, we don't fight, and we don't talk about the relationship, then, when I'm in the second trimester, we can talk about the relationship. He didn't agree to this and only said, "Maybe." I wanted to wait until I was in the second trimester before I left because I didn't want the situation to be too upsetting, but I think I'm not even that sad about it anymore, I'm just mad. Last night I just wanted to transport myself to the States and as far away from him as possible.

CastawayBride, I don't take offence to that and I think you might be right. I've been living in a crazy situation that's sort of made me afraid of everything so when I hear something alarming, it's sort of been my method of operation to just assume that it could be true and operate as if it were true just to be on the safe side, but that's no way to live life. Also, I really and truly highly doubt that he will have any problems with me leaving the country with this baby, but I do agree that having the US in my corner is better in my favour than not. He does not want this baby at all, at all.

I have this month to quietly pack up my things and decide on which State I'm going to and I'm actually feeling happier since making this decision. There are more people who will care a lot more about this baby in the States than there are here, and that is the best possible option available to me right now to provide her a positive, bright future. Plus, a happier mommy will probably help quite a lot! Thank you all soooooooooooooooo much for your kind words of encouragement and comfort.

Skywalker just b/c you leave doesn't mean you cannot go back if things sort themselves out. I just can't see him being supportive of you at the end of your pregnancy/birth. You need support, trust me. I lost my son at 31 weeks, after 4 days of delivery vaginally I was exhausted. It took me a good 4 weeks before I physically felt "normal". I could not imagine even after a "good" birth being able to bounce back immediately with out the help of my husband and family. Get your support system in order and you will find your way with or with out your significant other...

Best of luck and hope you get through this with minimal stress!!

 

[Skywalker]

Hi Love...I too am really sorry that you are going through this. from everythign that you've posted about your OH, it sounds like he is quite a selfish jerk. I wanted to throat chop him at least a half doxen times. My mom raised three of us on her own..two different deadbeat dads. she sure did sacrafice alot but she did the best she could and it was more than enough for us. you're a smart, independent, beautiful woman and I just know that you're going to be ok no matter what you decide. your BF doesn't deserve you...try and remain calm. I know WAYYYY easier said than done

Thank you for this. After another upset with him last night I have decided I am definitely going back to the States. I don't know which State yet, but I know it will be less harmful for my baby to have to struggle a bit to get her a visa to come back to New Zealand to visit her dad (if he ever wants that) than to live in a situation like this. If he changes and the time apart does us good, we can try again. But I can't wait around for him to change when there's more than just my happiness at stake, and I finally realized last night that my happiness should have even been enough of a reason for me to handle this. It took the urge to protect my unborn baby to really raise me up out of this situation and give me the courage to leave it. I really don't like the idea of a break-up, but I asked OH last night if he could agree that for the rest of the month, we don't criticize each other, we don't fight, and we don't talk about the relationship, then, when I'm in the second trimester, we can talk about the relationship. He didn't agree to this and only said, "Maybe." I wanted to wait until I was in the second trimester before I left because I didn't want the situation to be too upsetting, but I think I'm not even that sad about it anymore, I'm just mad. Last night I just wanted to transport myself to the States and as far away from him as possible.

CastawayBride, I don't take offence to that and I think you might be right. I've been living in a crazy situation that's sort of made me afraid of everything so when I hear something alarming, it's sort of been my method of operation to just assume that it could be true and operate as if it were true just to be on the safe side, but that's no way to live life. Also, I really and truly highly doubt that he will have any problems with me leaving the country with this baby, but I do agree that having the US in my corner is better in my favour than not. He does not want this baby at all, at all.

I have this month to quietly pack up my things and decide on which State I'm going to and I'm actually feeling happier since making this decision. There are more people who will care a lot more about this baby in the States than there are here, and that is the best possible option available to me right now to provide her a positive, bright future. Plus, a happier mommy will probably help quite a lot! Thank you all soooooooooooooooo much for your kind words of encouragement and comfort.

Skywalker just b/c you leave doesn't mean you cannot go back if things sort themselves out. I just can't see him being supportive of you at the end of your pregnancy/birth. You need support, trust me. I lost my son at 31 weeks, after 4 days of delivery vaginally I was exhausted. It took me a good 4 weeks before I physically felt "normal". I could not imagine even after a "good" birth being able to bounce back immediately with out the help of my husband and family. Get your support system in order and you will find your way with or with out your significant other...

Best of luck and hope you get through this with minimal stress!!

Thank you very much and I couldn't agree more! That is very true. I hope that things do change and we can give it another try when things have settled down but I agree with you, having a strong support network is top priority right now and I will make it with or without him.

I am also so sorry for your loss and I glad that you were able to have a strong support system near you!

I have so many friends in one State who are over the moon excited to be an "Aunt" to my little baby and family in another State who are equally excited, there are just less of them. I have to decide where to go and that will probably be one of the biggest decisions I have to make. I am so fortunate that I have a few clients that I already do work for with my content writing business and if I get one more, I will be financially set and already have work set up when I get to the States that I can do remotely and from anywhere.

Thank you again I also hope I get through it with minimal stress!

Just as a point of curiosity, if you had to choose the better situation for me and baby:

1. The State where you spent most of your adult life and have a large circle of devoted, positive friends, but where the climate is tropical, very hot, and the place is filled with giant bugs and you hate it, but the cost of living is a bit lower than the other State.

2. The State where you grew up and a family member has offered for you to stay in her home, and you are in good communication with a few other of your family members, but haven't talked to your friends there since high school and many of them don't live there anymore, but you love the weather there. Close enough to the other State that plane tickets are not terribly expensive and friends can possibly come visit.

 

[CastawayBride]

Hi Love...I too am really sorry that you are going through this. from everythign that you've posted about your OH, it sounds like he is quite a selfish jerk. I wanted to throat chop him at least a half doxen times. My mom raised three of us on her own..two different deadbeat dads. she sure did sacrafice alot but she did the best she could and it was more than enough for us. you're a smart, independent, beautiful woman and I just know that you're going to be ok no matter what you decide. your BF doesn't deserve you...try and remain calm. I know WAYYYY easier said than done

Thank you for this. After another upset with him last night I have decided I am definitely going back to the States. I don't know which State yet, but I know it will be less harmful for my baby to have to struggle a bit to get her a visa to come back to New Zealand to visit her dad (if he ever wants that) than to live in a situation like this. If he changes and the time apart does us good, we can try again. But I can't wait around for him to change when there's more than just my happiness at stake, and I finally realized last night that my happiness should have even been enough of a reason for me to handle this. It took the urge to protect my unborn baby to really raise me up out of this situation and give me the courage to leave it. I really don't like the idea of a break-up, but I asked OH last night if he could agree that for the rest of the month, we don't criticize each other, we don't fight, and we don't talk about the relationship, then, when I'm in the second trimester, we can talk about the relationship. He didn't agree to this and only said, "Maybe." I wanted to wait until I was in the second trimester before I left because I didn't want the situation to be too upsetting, but I think I'm not even that sad about it anymore, I'm just mad. Last night I just wanted to transport myself to the States and as far away from him as possible.

CastawayBride, I don't take offence to that and I think you might be right. I've been living in a crazy situation that's sort of made me afraid of everything so when I hear something alarming, it's sort of been my method of operation to just assume that it could be true and operate as if it were true just to be on the safe side, but that's no way to live life. Also, I really and truly highly doubt that he will have any problems with me leaving the country with this baby, but I do agree that having the US in my corner is better in my favour than not. He does not want this baby at all, at all.

I have this month to quietly pack up my things and decide on which State I'm going to and I'm actually feeling happier since making this decision. There are more people who will care a lot more about this baby in the States than there are here, and that is the best possible option available to me right now to provide her a positive, bright future. Plus, a happier mommy will probably help quite a lot! Thank you all soooooooooooooooo much for your kind words of encouragement and comfort.

Skywalker just b/c you leave doesn't mean you cannot go back if things sort themselves out. I just can't see him being supportive of you at the end of your pregnancy/birth. You need support, trust me. I lost my son at 31 weeks, after 4 days of delivery vaginally I was exhausted. It took me a good 4 weeks before I physically felt "normal". I could not imagine even after a "good" birth being able to bounce back immediately with out the help of my husband and family. Get your support system in order and you will find your way with or with out your significant other...

Best of luck and hope you get through this with minimal stress!!

Thank you very much and I couldn't agree more! That is very true. I hope that things do change and we can give it another try when things have settled down but I agree with you, having a strong support network is top priority right now and I will make it with or without him.

I am also so sorry for your loss and I glad that you were able to have a strong support system near you!

I have so many friends in one State who are over the moon excited to be an "Aunt" to my little baby and family in another State who are equally excited, there are just less of them. I have to decide where to go and that will probably be one of the biggest decisions I have to make. I am so fortunate that I have a few clients lined up already for my content writing and if I get one more, I will be financially set and already have work set up when I get to the States that I can do remotely and from anywhere.

Thank you again I also hope I get through it with minimal stress!

Just as a point of curiosity, if you had to choose the better situation for me and baby:

1. The State where you spent most of your adult life and have a large circle of devoted, positive friends, but where the climate is tropical, very hot, and the place is filled with giant bugs and you hate it, but the cost of living is a bit lower than the other State.

2. The State where you grew up and a family member has offered for you to stay in her home, and you are in good communication with a few other of your family members, but haven't talked to your friends there since high school and many of them don't live there anymore, but you love the weather there. Close enough to the other State that plane tickets are not terribly expensive and friends can possibly come visit.

I think it depends on your finances and where you feel MOST comfortable, I mean like you will have NO shame when it comes to labor I had to have my mom help me awhile shower even so that is a consideration!!

 

[Skywalker]

Lol very good point! I was wondering about how I will be when I'm just about to give birth, how mobile I will be, how much I'll be able to do myself and what I'll need help with, and then what I will need help with after the baby is born. It is a lot to consider... Thanks for bringing this point up, though, as I think it will really help me to make a decision.

 

[confuzion]

Skywalker:

First of all, I am VERY sorry for the stressful situation you are in. My heart goes out to you

I hope your significant other comes around for the child's sake, but you do no need him to raise a healthy sound-of-mind child.

Secondly, obamacare gets a really bad rep. I don't know why as I don't really see any changes. Like another poster said, it's business as usual. So don't be afraid to move back to the states because of that. It's not the big deal everyone has been making it to be.

Thirdly, if I were in your situation, I would move in with the relative who offered it in a state in which I felt comfortable, and still in close enough proximity to see friends. You will probably make tons of friends wherever you go anyway, but in my opinion, it's best to be around family and it seems you have someone who is willing to offer the support that you need right now.

Good luck to you. I hope everything works itself out and you and this baby are 2 happy campers when he/she gets here.

 

[Skywalker]

Thank you so much confuzion. All of this is really good to know. Words like "government shutdown" and all have been really scary when I'm not there to actually see what is happening! Thanks for the advice on where to go, it's good to take into consideration. And thank you so much for your sweet words

 

[Medea1978]

I'm happy for the decisions that you're making right now.. And I love that you keep referring to your little one as a she. It won't be an easy move but you're more than capable of doing this. Good luck. We're here for you

 

[Mapleroo]

I'm glad you are going back!! And I agree with pp. The person that you have been offered a place to live sounds like the best option right now. It will allow you to put down some roots without much financial commitment and it doesn't need to be permanent if you don't want it to be. Just a soft place for you to fall for the next little while.

 

[bamm]

I've been offline all weekend, I'm sorry you've had to go through all this Sky! I think it makes sense that you go back to the states where you have the support you need. Sounds like OH isn't going to get his head out of his ass, and frankly, he doesn't deserve to have you sacrifice your comfort and support system just because he's the father, esp if he's said awful 'jokes' about not wanting it. I would personally stay with family, I don't get on with my mum, but we are living with her and I know if something happened to me, I'd want her there. You can always stay for awhile, and move to the other state with your friends group later when you're all set up and bubs is born.

I'm glad you're thinking of you and bub, that's what's important! xx

 

[Skywalker]

Thanks to all of you! I agree with everything you've said and I also am happy to see me making these decisions. I think at first it was really hard but after last night I realized it's not going to change, and I finally woke all the way up. I actually don't even want to wait until the second trimester to do this. The situation we're in is just really negative. Even if there was a bit of an upset over this I think it will be less than the accumulated upsets of waiting for the next few weeks. I wrote him a calm letter explaining everything and I am going to give it to him after having a friend proofread it to make sure it's not going to cause a huge upset from their perspective. I hope that I can get all my affairs in order over the next few weeks and have the scan on the 22nd and then go. I'd prefer to spend the next few weeks with the cat out of the bag than at each other's throats.

 

[redlemonade]

Sky, I'm sorry you're going through this. The ladies before me offered great advice and I echo what they said.

For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. Best of luck hun x