Feeling so lost

Discussion in 'Pregnancy After A Loss' started by torch2010, Jun 3, 2011.

  1. torch2010

    torch2010 Well-Known Member

    Mar 4, 2011
    Likes Received:
    Hi all, I don't post here often but need some support right now.

    October 2003 I had my daughter, perfectly healthy in every way.

    January 2007 I had my first miscarriage
    August 2008 I had my second miscarriage
    October 2008 I had my third miscarriage

    August 2009 I found out I was pregnant and terrified, we got to 12 weeks and all was great, baby was bang on dates and we finally started to relax a little. On the 15th of December 2009 at our 20 week scan we were told our little boy was very poorly, he had a condition called hydrops fetalis. We were advised to terminate the pregnancy as I was so ill as well. We didn't, I was his mum, he needed me to keep him safe. They told us he would not survive to 21 weeks, we were scanned every week and every week he was still fighting, even though we knew the end was near we had to keep positive. On the 20th of January we were told he had died. Our lives have been destroyed and we miss our boy so so much.

    Christmas day 2010 we find out we are expecting again and I am currently 26+6 with our rainbow baby, a little girl, who is doing so well but I am so so scared.

    It took so long to prepare for her, but now we have her nursery ready and her pram and clothes etc but I keep having to remind myself she isn't here yet and I get so sad. I just want to enjoy the next few weeks and I can't.

    I have no idea if this is normal or not? I feel guilty for being pregnant so soon after Cai growing his wings.
  2. MrsAgar

    MrsAgar Mom of 1 baby boy

    Apr 14, 2011
    Likes Received:
    First of all congrats on your little girl!! That is so exciting! My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 13 weeks and I was devastated... I can`t imagine what you had to go through and are still going through. You are a strong woman and your children are lucky to have you as a mama. Your little boy would want you to remember him with happiness and to live your life to the fullest. He is happy and healthy up in heaven waiting to be with you again, but until then he wants you to be there for his sisters. I completely understand being so scared! I thought it would get better the further along I was, but I get closer and closer to my little boy every heartbeat I hear, every ultrasound I see, and every kick I feel. I love him sooo much and can`t imagine losing him. We just have to stay strong girl. Have faith and pray for health and comfort.
  3. open lotus

    open lotus Well-Known Member

    Jun 5, 2011
    Likes Received:
    Its only natural for you to feel that way ((hugs)).

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice