Feeling the Pressure

[rebeccamc]

Hi Everyone! This is sort of a rant because I just need to get it off of my chest. It is stressing me out.

So my name is Rebecca and I am 24 years old. I have been married now for less than a year (august will be 1 year) and I have a great career at an engineering firm that I love. I have been with my husband since high school so for about 9 years. We are thinking that we want to start a family but I am starting to feel all of this pressure from everyone and from what I put on myself. See everyone in my family has babies young, for example my sister in law is 25 and has two and my cousins is about to have her second and she is 26. Each of the females in my family got pregnant right after getting married. Then every time I talk to my step mother she always drops these subtle "hints" about me having children, which is fine since I do want them. I just don't know if I am fully ready.

Then my husband last night was talking about babies and how he is ready. He is currently finishing up school and probably has enough year left. But he also has this muscular degenerative disease which affects his ankles and wrists so last night he was telling me that he really wants to be able to hold his children and that if we wait another year or two then he probably won't be able to. Super heart breaking to hear him say.

THEN two women at my work just had children and we are a small office (about 15 people) so I feel like it would be copying them if I went off and got pregnant. And I don't know how I am going to balance work and home life. Since I get paid by the hour I work ALL of the hours that I can. I average about 10 hours a day.

ALSO I live in Maryland and my ENTIRE family is in Massachusetts so I wouldn't have the family support that most people have, which will be extremely hard.

I do want children but I just don't know when I want them. Do I want to start trying to conceive now or wait a few more months. In the end I will do what is right for me and my husband but its hard to not be influenced by everyone else around me. Thank you for listening and I hope understands/can relate to my problems.

 

[.Jelly.Welly.]

My first bit of advice would be stop pressuring yourself (easier said than done I know!), the truth is the choice is yours and your partner's alone, don't let outside influences pressure you into making a decision.

My advice would be to sit down and talk to your DH and explain your stress, frustrations, wants etc and here what he has to say. It might also be worth noting down how much a little addition to your family would cost and how you might cope, planning is an important step to TTC.

All in all do what is right for you and little to your head, heart and body xx

 

[Paranoid89]

My first bit of advice would be stop pressuring yourself (easier said than done I know!), the truth is the choice is yours and your partner's alone, don't let outside influences pressure you into making a decision.

My advice would be to sit down and talk to your DH and explain your stress, frustrations, wants etc and here what he has to say. It might also be worth noting down how much a little addition to your family would cost and how you might cope, planning is an important step to TTC.

All in all do what is right for you and little to your head, heart and body xx

Great advice!! If you want one then having a budget or an idea of how much a child will cost, factoring healthcare and family visits, childcare, etc might help you make a decision.

Good luck!