Feelings post emergency c-section birth

[pammie1]

I had my daughter Ava 3 months ago but recently I cant get my feelings about the birth out of my head. I had an emergenct section following an induction that didnt go to plan. It was quite traumatic of course as I'm sure they all are and that is part of it but the hardest thing I am finding is that I was delivered under general anaesthetic which means that I wasnt really present for the birth as such. I know that the most important thing is that me and my daughter are both alive and well which is all I thought of at first but now I cant stop feeling upset that I have no memory of her arrival into the world.
I remember clearly being wheeled up to the ward to see her and being accutley aware that she already had her little sleepsuit on - I know this sounds weird but something inside me felt the need to see her properly without her clothes as she would have been when born. I was not offered skin to skin and was too grogy to thin of asking. I feel I missed out on something I cannot replace. Has anyone else had similar feelings? I dont know how commonly general anaestheic is used, I believe it was ecause I have a low platelet count which apparantly rules out epidural.

 

[isil]

I had an emergency csection too and although I was awake for it (spinal) I didn't realise til recently that one of the things that upset me most about the whole thing was that we didn't get skin to skin and that Alasdair was handed to me dressed (the midwife then thought 'oh crap we're meant to do skin to skin' and he was undressed for that...)

I think the feelings you're having are really common, especially seeing as you had a general anaesthetic. Don't know if you think it'll help but in my area they have special midwifes who can talk you through exactly what happened. I haven't asked for it yet but I think I might. It's definitely important to talk to someone about how you're feeling anyway as I think these things just make you feel worse and worse if you don't confront them

 

[hannahx]

I had an emergency section with both of my babies...When i had Millie it was an idnuction that went wrong and i had a general too so i was also asleep when she was born. I went into labour on my own with Jake but his head got stuck and after 5 hours of trying to push him out they gave me a section but i had a spinal. I still dot know much about what went on and didnt get to hold him for 3 hours after he was born...i had problems in theatre too. I ended up with postnatal depression probably caused by the bith so try talking to your health visitor huni cc

 

[leeanne]

With my first, I was induced which ended in an emergency C-section. Quite frankly, I don't remember too well my first glimpse of her and I remember trying to touch her but couldn't because I was shaking so badly due to shock. The first day, I don't remember much either as I was quite spaced out.

With my second, it was a planned C-section and I remember more

With Chase, I ended up being in shock after he was born and couldn't touch him as I was shaking so badly. Also, I was only able to have a glimpse before he was taken.

I guess what bothers me is that my memory is vague when it comes to their births. I suppose that's why if I could turn back time, it would be to the day my babies were just born

 

[Sweetie]

I'm right there with you. I had an emergency section with my daughter after an inducement though I wasn't a general. Though both of us had quite a serious infection so I didn't even end up seeing her for 18 hours. I keep looking back and I have such mixed feelings about it all. I did the same as you in thinking that at least we are both here and ok. But I have this huge gap feeling like I missed out on so much, the skin to skin has been a huge one for me too. And 3 months later, like you, I'm still very much struggling with it all.

 

[princess_bump]

i'm so sorry you had such a traumatic birth i too had an emergency c-section -following 40 hours of labour i was still only 3cm and maddi's heart rate was dropping so they had to get her out. i was lucky and had mine under epidural but because of my traumatic experience i have suffered from PND. it can be so hard but like you i feel i have missed so much. i'm so sorry to hear others have been suffering too maybe we could all be hear to support each other

 

[bluebell]

I was due to have a planned c-section but ended up having an emergency one because my LO was breech but I went into labour naturally. I had the spinal done so was aware of my LO arriving but as it all happened so quickly (my contractions were really close together) they left my T-shirt and bra on (just removed my trousers / knickers)...

The thing I'm most disappointed about with the birth is that I didn't have skin-to-skin with Jay for about 12 hours (which subsequently made breastfeeding a real challenge at the start ) I didn't have a shower until about 5pm and none of the MW's suggested taking my t-shirt off (which went right up to my neckline) I would have cut it off if I'd have thought about it. So even though I was cuddling him all day, we didn't have that real closeness for a while

I also went into shock during and after the procedure and it took a good hour for my shaking to stop so rather than holding Jay when he was first born, he was placed next to my head which was a bit strange!!



xx

 

[sabby52]

I had a emergency c-section, I did have a date for a planned section but my waters broke the night before so I had to have an emergency one, I dont remember a lot about it but the one thing I do remember is not getting to hold him after he was born, I do understand as I had problems on the table and my OH and baby were taken away, he was brought back 45mins later but I couldnt hold him has I had went into shock (very common with any surgery) due to blood loss so I was shaking uncontrollably (sp). I didnt see him again until 10.30am that morning I had him at 3.35am !!! I just wish he had been kept with me, I didnt bond with Dec for almost 5 weeks after he was born and I think that was down to my labour. I had a normal delivery with my first so I know exactly what I missed out on. In my case there was nothing anyone could do, they had to take him from theater due to my complications and I couldnt hold him due to shock but I still wish things could be different. I still think alot about it and my little man is almost 1, I think it would be a great idea to have a c-section support thread so we can help each other out.

 

[princess_bump]

i too went into shock after my emergency section, i didn't realise how common it was. with regards to the skin to skin i was lucky and held maddi once i was in recover but i have found it so hard. i didn't realise how many people felt the same, it so good to hear, even though its not good the experiences, if that makes sense. it's so nice to talk to others with the same experiences

 

[clairebear]

im still struggling to get my head around the fact i ended up with an emergency c section it doesnt feel like it happened to me. luckily i was awake and got to hold my baby soon after and managed to bf within the hour but i feel so robbed of my birth experiance and still dont feel like its mine when i read my birth story its like reading someone elses x i think i c section thread would be good toxx

 

[babe2ooo]

awww i'm sorry you feel like that, i had an emergency c-section to but i was awake for mine, i know how you feel i couldnt get the birth out of my head for ages to i felt like becuase i didnt get to push him out, i failed in some way, but i got skin to skin which was good, you should talk about how feel dont bottle it all up, talk to your OH or a close friend. or PM me if u wanna chat

 

[missjacey44]

Im feeling the same too. Im glad im not the only one and this is 'normal' i suppose?
I had emergency c sec and was put to sleep but the whole thing before i was put to sleep was the scariest time of my life and i didnt have a clue what was happening to me or baby because nobody would tell me. When i woke up, my OH put baby on me and i couldnt see properly and was shaking and i said 'whats that i cant see properly' because all i could see was this black thing (it was babies hair) and i feel so bad that i said that
I feel like i missed out on his birth.. and i didnt get that special moment when you first hear baby cry or hold baby when you see them born. I never cryed, I never smiled, I didnt have any kind of feelings when i eventually got to hold baby because i was so out of it. I feel like i need to go back and change what happend and cry and get that feeling of love like i thought i would get when you first see your baby. I do love my baby but i dont feel like we have a special bond yet... Im so dissapointed and upset about it all but i cant tell my OH or my family
I have a history of depression and i can see myself going back there because of this all.