Few Things to Get off My chest

[Lauraaraa]

Helloooo

i have a few things i justn eed to get out there.

i have been having an on going problem with my OH
its regarding his phnoe - and other girls texting his phone - now when i was off with him for 3weeks he got a text off a girl - i text her - and she said she is just a friend, BUT then there was a Facebook situation where he was talking to yet another girl - more than one - Now i wouldnt mind but he is over secretive - takes his phone everywhere with him - he has two phones!!

last night he was sleeping and got a text - he woke up and i said to him he had got a text - he just said oh right ok then - i said okkk then so who is it from - he wouldnt even open the text - he then got his phone and said he was going for a drink - i stopped him - grabbed his arm and tried to get the phone off him - which was stupid he is way stronger than me - i stood in front of the door and he started saying it was ridiculous etc etc

he then went back on th bed out of my way and i went after him and slapped his ass!! i wanted to really go mad but i just kept thinking of the baby.

sooo he said i was mad - i just swore and said i wasnt stupid and knew it was a girl - and let him go to the kitchen - i went down and he wouldnt let me in the kitchen - he was in front of the door - i was crying and just so sick of it all.
sick of him doing this

he is away through the week so i know i dont know what he gets up to - but i am finding it hard to actually trust this guy

he has told me to come off Facebook - when i go back on he just says i am flirting - i am not - they are all my old school friends - mainly girls i had as friends to.
but i am not bothered about coming off - but he knew my password and everything - i have nothing to hide

he also checks my phone - he has a password on his phone now

whenever i confront him he just says i must have something to hide

i dont - i remind him i am pregnant with his child

it gets me angry - i sat in the bathroom in the dark just crying last night - i had to listen to music through my earphones to calm me down - i could feel my heart pounding and because i am pregnant it feels 10 times as strong.

I love him so much really do - i will never leave him - i think he knows this - but i just wish he would love me like i love him - we are having a lil miracle together and this is whole texting girls is ruining our relationship - i end up texting them and telling them to back off and that i am pregnant. but they just get cocky with me.

i am just going to see how it goes

my friends are telling me to leave him - but i cant - i dont want to.

he means the world to me.

i will just not think about it - my main focus is my baby and bein well for my baby - i am not going to stress anymore - am sick of stressing.

it is prob a good thing he is away with work thru the week other wise it might make me more stressed.

another thing is i have got a sudden outburst of spots on my forehead - to go with the rest on my face!!! haha!
oooooh my!!

all i know is every single spot, sickness feeling, ache and pain, and sore legs is worth it for whe i get to hold my miracle in my arms.

Phew feel better thats out of my system now!! haha!!

Men hey- Love em and hate them

x

 

[Gemie]

Do you not think you and your baby deserve better?

 

[libbymarks198]

i would tell him he needs to stop or your going to leave if he does not believe you go and stay with a freind for a few days that might make him see that you are serious and he needs to change.
i personally would not want my baby in an envrionment with a man like that

 

[UkCath]

I am so sorry you are in this situation, it sounds awful.

I think grabbing him, slapping his ass etc. sounds worrying, whenever things turn physical they are out of control.

He has a right to private conversations with whoever he likes and you have a right to have private converations with whoever you like but you need to have the trust between you and that is obviously not there. He shouldn't have your facebook password and you shouldn't have to worry if he password protects his phone.

Can you imagine a time where you would both trust each other? If so how do you think you can get there? Have you ever had mutual trust? Would you be able to get couples councilling? I think you need to calmly talk things over between you, talk about the trusting relationship you need to get toward and discuss how you can get there. From the sounds of things I don't think that's going to be possible without intervention.

This sounds like a really awful situation for you and your partner and I hope you can come through this and sort things out.

 

[dlou]

Hi Lauraraa

I don't want to sound negative, but I was in a relationship with someone just like this for years and it is only now that I'm older and (slightly) wiser, that I can see it for what it was. He too would take his phone everywhere with him, to the bathroom, to the kitchen, in the shower - everywhere. He was always texting girls and getting texts in the middle of the night and there were numerous girls who claimed to have been with him when I was going out with him. Whenever I confronted him, he would deny it, tell me I was crazy, say I must be cheating etc etc.

When we broke up, he started seeing someone else and I'm not proud of it, but I was still sleeping with him. Mainly because he had worn my self confidence down so low that I thought I couldn't live without him. But because he cheated on his new gf with me, I have zero faith that he hadn't been cheating on me the whole time.

Now, I'm not saying your man is as big of a douchebag as mine was, by no means. But it's really important to nip this kind of behaviour in the bud. It sounds a little controlling of him to tell you to come off facebook, and you shouldn't have to keep checking his text messages. You need to be able to be open with each other, without having to physically show each other evidence that you're not up to no good.

Have you considered attending some couple's therapy? Places like Relate can be great and can give you both a safe space to talk about how you feel without it escalating into a huge and upsetting row.

That said, we all can get a little upset and paranoid sometimes, especially with all those hormones flying around and your man's behaviour might be completely innocent. Men's brains are funny old things and sometimes the things that are upsetting to us just fly straight over their big old heads

Well, this is a longer post then I'd planned and I don't want to sound preachy. I hope you two can get it sorted out.

Big hugs xx

 

[BellaBlu]

Yes,
They say majority of the time, when your significant other is overly jealous/suspicous like your OH is.. THEY are in fact the ones that have something to hide & they are looking for something to make themselves feel better about what they're doing subconciously. Of course that could just be mumbo jumbo, but either way.. I'd tell him not to let the door him him where the lord split him on his way out..

You've got a babe to worry about now, and you can do waaay better, I'm sure.

 

[ermm23a]

Laura, please go to the website marriagebuilders.com and read up on everything there. Repost this on the SAA message board. You will get loads of great advice from people who have been in situations just like yours.

I hate you are going through this. If you think your marriage is worth saving, then I would strongly encourage you to go to the marriage builders website and join the forum, and post on the SAA board. And read up on everything on the site.

So sorry you're going through this.

 

[lilaries0411]

Im sorry that you are going through this. I know exactly how you feel. The first true love I ever had did the same thing to me. He would hide his phone and constantly be texting these girls that were supposedly just his friends. I knew they were more then just his friends but I couldn't bring myself to believe it so I just ignored it. Every time he wanted to leave at night to go hang out with his boys I would do everything to try to get him to stay home and all he would do is get angry with me for not trusting him. So finally after a year of dealing with him doing all of this I had enough of it and listened to my BF. She told me to fallow him one night just to see where he was really going and I did. He went to some house and was having a BBQ with some girl and her parents. To make it worse the girl knew about me and didnt care. I did end up leaving him because of this and it did take almost a year to get to a point where I could even talk to another man. But Im so glad I left him. If I wouldn't have I would have never meet my hubby.
You are in a horrible situation right now and I feel so bad for you, but you have to be strong for you and for your baby. He is not going to change and things are not going to get better. You can not change a person as much as you may want to. You have to look after the most important person in your life now. Your baby. You constantly being sad and depressed over how this man is treating you is not good for you or the baby. I hope you can work this out hun. I wish you the best of luck

 

[Bids]

I cant even imagine how angry and upset you must be as im sorry but i would not put up with this at all... i understand you love him and it makes it worse you are having his baby but this is NOT good for you or the baby!!

Is there anywhere you can go and stay for a few nights so when he gets back you are gone - i think you need to make him wise up that this is NOT on and you wont put up with it - him knowing that you wont ever leave him makes things 10 x worse!!!

You cant make someone feel the same way you do unfortunately but you can try to make him realise what he will be losing, perhaps it'll change when you have the baby?? who knows and this may sound harsh but you need to get a backbone!!

I reallly hope you work it out hun!!!

 

[Lauraaraa]

i jsut sent him a long message telling him everything, he said he would never cheat on me and defo would now as i am pregnant.
so in my eyes if he does then thats it - he wont get a second chance, i also told him i am not stupid and know there is something, he wouldnt be shifty other wise

he did get one text in the middle of the night once, it happened more than once and he has two phones - if things dont change when the baby is here then thats it

i have my own place

he is in the forces so lives on camp he is here at weekends but i should just tell him not to bother coming or say i am busy - that would nark him

he would prob end up turning up!

he read some texts of mine the other night and started questioning me! they were both friends who live where i used to live - hours away!!
but will see what happens,

from now on my main focus IS my baby, i am not going to let him ruin this for me.

i know it is defo bad when things get physical so to speak

my hormones are makin me extra sensitive, and i feel better when he isnt here, more relaxed and can just ignore his texts if i want to etc.
x

 

[ermm23a]

If he is cheating, he will never admit it, and now that he knows you suspect him, he will take it further underground.

Next time you suspect something, do not even clue him into the fact you are on to him, but keep your eyes peeled and only confront him when you have proof.

 

[Lauraaraa]

If he is cheating, he will never admit it, and now that he knows you suspect him, he will take it further underground.

Next time you suspect something, do not even clue him into the fact you are on to him, but keep your eyes peeled and only confront him when you have proof.

thats so true, i am going to just not mention it anymore now.

if he is or does then he is disgusting in my eyes, esp now i am pregnant, i told him that if he is doing anything then it is him who is a disgrace.

so time will tell

from now on i am not going to stress or even think about this.

if he is doing anything then he doesnt love me and never will

 

[ermm23a]

praying for you and your relationship. I hope things work out for the best for you and your baby. if you ever need to talk, or anything feel free to PM me.

 

[Sevenladybugs]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please do yourself and baby a favor and ask him to go to couples counselling. If he won't go, go by yourself! Let him see you are serious and he will come around if he loves you

 

[ShanandBoc]

I must admit his behaviour is very suspicious, in my experience trust your instincts with things like this cause its usually right. If you feel there is something going on, there usually is. Not always but very rarely have my instincts been wrong (i had this kinda thing ALOT with my ex)

All the best, but any hint of this continuing, keep your eyes and ears open.....the truth always comes out in the end

xo