Fezzle's secret wedding planning

[Fezzle]

I'll probably update the title once we have firmer plans, but wanted to start a place for collecting and sharing wedding plans for now.

Background on our relationship:

OH and I met online and had our first date in Feb 2013. At the time I was almost 37, and OH was 37, so we'd both been through a lot of dating and knew what we did and didn't want! It was definitely a case of 'when you know, you just know' it's right, and we found ourself in a serious relationship that was both exciting and comfortable very quickly.

After we'd been together for a couple months, we started making actual plans about the future. OH asked how I felt about getting married (I've been married before- when I was 22, divorced by 24), and I said I wasn't against the idea, but it wasn't that important to me either. After talking, we decided that buying a house and having children were more important to both of us, so we'd do those things first, and then probably get married at some point down the line.

After 5 months together, we moved in together, I got off the pill, and we started saving up for buying a house. TTC has been frustrating- after going off the pill, my periods were very irregular where I probably wasn't ovulating, and I was finally diagnosed with PCOS. After taking Metformin, my periods came back, though my periods were still a bit irregular. Finally we went to a private fertility consultant, who prescribed Clomid. We got lucky and conceived on our first round of Clomid, however, it didn't work out and I'm still going through the process of an early, but fortunately straightforward miscarriage.

But, the experience of the mc has brought us even closer together, and it's pushed the idea of getting married up in our minds. Last year we bought our house, and feel like we're on our way to having our family, so it feels like the right time now...

 

[Fezzle]

The plan so far:

The general plan right now is to elope, probably to Gibraltar, this spring or summer.

There are a number of reasons OH and I don't want a big, traditional wedding. I've already had one, so don't feel like I'm missing out, and also don't feel guilty about my family missing out. OH feels like all his friends have moved on now from weddings now that they all have kids, and just aren't as into the stag nights and reception, and he isn't either. I have family and friends in the US, so it would involve people coming over here, where if people were making the trip, I'd rather have them come just them to visit where we can make it a focussed visit, not just have them be one of many guests and not be able to spend time with them while we're doing wedding stuff.

I am really not into a lot of traditional things- I'm very much not into the idea of us having decided to get married, yet OH "surprises" me with a ring in some elaborate set up to make it official and make a good story. I think the idea of OH asking my parents for their blessing and then my dad walking me down the aisle as if he's giving me away is strange with me being a 38 year old woman who's already been married and divorced once. OH hates the idea of being the centre of attention and also doesn't dance. We definitely don't care about showers or presents. I don't want to have to make small talk with people about wedding plans.

At one point we thought about a really laid back BBQ type party event with just close friends, but the way our spread of friends work, if we invited some of them, it automatically becomes a fairly big wedding. We talked about just close family only, but again, we don't really want to have to be hosting visitors, especially when they've come over from the US, and it would probably mean just a trip down to the registry office and then a really nice meal, which doesn't seem special enough.

So, this has all led us to an idea that we've been bouncing around for a year or so- to go somewhere else and elope. Right now our top choice is Gibraltar. In Europe, it's one of the easiest places for a quickie wedding because there isn't much of a residency requirement (you just have to stay the night before or the night of your wedding), and you just have to show your basic paperwork the day before. This isn't completely straightforward as I still have to get my full birth certificate and divorce certificate from the US, but I'm looking into that now.

We'd like to do it over the Easter break if we can get everything booked by then. Even if I get pregnant again soon, I wouldn't be very pregnant then. OH is considering changing jobs, so it might work out that he could be in between jobs using the last of his annual leave, and I have no teaching around that time of year. We'd probably get married at the end of March, and then what we want to do is hire a campervan in southern Spain, and travel around Spain in it for a couple weeks. We did a similar holiday last year in France, which was our first holiday together, and we're thinking of buying a campervan, so it'll be a good test run.

So, all plans are sounding promising so far. I do worry my parents might be a bit upset about missing out, but I think they're more excited about the idea of grandchildren, so hopefully they won't mind if we have one of them soon. And I'm worried about getting all my paperwork with me being in the UK, and not really being able to involve anyone in the US to help send it to me, but I'll be in the US next week for Christmas so will try to sort some things out then.

Watch this space for more planning!

 

[Fezzle]

For dresses, my ideal dress would be something like this:

https://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/Chi+Chi+London+Metallic+Lace+Tea+Dress/212598516,default,pd.html

Something that I can buy off the rack, that's not too expensive, short with a full skirt that covers my shoulders/arms. I don't want something very white, but something that's still a bit bride-ish. It's not like I'm a young blushing virgin bride! I'd probably wear heels in a colour or metallic with it.

If we do this wedding at the end of March, I'd have about 3 months post Christmas to get fitter for it, which should be enough time to focus on diet and exercise with a good goal in mind without it seeming too daunting.

I'd probably just do my hair and make up myself, though would do a lot of practicing beforehand. No idea how I'd do it though!

 

[Fezzle]

Here are some possible venues in Gibraltar- they all sound good for different reasons.

https://www.sweetgibraltarweddings.com/wedding-packages

 

[Nikki1979]

DH and I met online too about 12 years ago. At that time, almost everyone I knew didn't believe that online relationships worked and here we are married for over 10 years

Good luck with your wedding prep, I would love to follow your journey. That dress is gorgeous by the way.

 

[tammym1974]

Yay....a wedding journal.

 

[Pirate]

Here!

 

[GingerPanda]

Heeeeere!

That dress is gorgeous!

 

[Cowgirl07]

Here! Love the dress I think it suits you

 

[Ameli]

Here too! How exciting, and I love the dress too!

 

[Wish4another1]

here!!

 

[ClandestineTX]

Even though I wasn't married before I wasn't into the surprise proposal and Hubster knew it. He woke up one Sunday morning and rolled over to me and said "we're never going to get married if we don't pick a date and plan a wedding" - so we picked a date and planned one. He guilted himself into buying me a 300.00 (50% off) placeholder ring a year before we got married, which I now wear as a right hand ring, but we did go all out for matched custom-designed wedding rings. For us, it felt better to emphasize the wedding rings and not the engagement one just for me. We did have 50+ people fly to a fun city that none of us lived in, but close enough that we planned everything on weekend trips, which worked well. It was basically a really kickass party that started with some vows I have followed your journey for long enough that I have every confidence you and your OH will do exactly what suits you two best! I am excited to follow along on here!

 

[Squig34]

A secret wedding is super exciting! That dress is gorgeous

Hope you're able to get all the paperwork in time to have your wedding when you are hoping to.

 

[Fezzle]

I hope I'm not depriving OH of any desire to do a proposal, but I feel like I know him well enough to know he doesn't mind at all. I asked him last week if he would have liked it if I did the pregnancy test without him and then surprised him with it wrapped in a box, or a Liverpool onesie, or like I read one women did- a scavenger hunt. He looked at me as if I'd gone completely mad.

I've never wanted a (another) engagement ring, so since we're skipping, or at least keeping quiet about, the engagement part, that's one way of avoiding it without anyone looking at my finger and wondering why I don't have one.

 

[lamago]

Here!

 

[MrsC10]

Here! xx

 

[day_dreamer]

Love the dress!!

Also, check out the Rock Hotel - I remember one of my friends stayed there and raved about it!

https://www.rockhotelgibraltar.com/

 

[ClandestineTX]

I hope I'm not depriving OH of any desire to do a proposal, but I feel like I know him well enough to know he doesn't mind at all. I asked him last week if he would have liked it if I did the pregnancy test without him and then surprised him with it wrapped in a box, or a Liverpool onesie, or like I read one women did- a scavenger hunt. He looked at me as if I'd gone completely mad.

I've never wanted a (another) engagement ring, so since we're skipping, or at least keeping quiet about, the engagement part, that's one way of avoiding it without anyone looking at my finger and wondering why I don't have one.

I think my Hubster and your OH would get along famously! Have you put any thought into your wedding rings? I'm not a huge jewelry person, I swear, but for some reason - I made a huge deal out of the wedding rings and still love them two years later (even though we seriously had to order a replacement for Hubster who lost his back in May).

 

[Fezzle]

Love the dress!!

Also, check out the Rock Hotel - I remember one of my friends stayed there and raved about it!

https://www.rockhotelgibraltar.com/

Thanks! That looks nice! I like the idea of doing it at a hotel or with a package company where they can just sort out everything including a photographer, a bouquet and witnesses.

I have a friend who grew up in Gibraltar so I'm going to ask her for tips too about nice places to go.

 

[Fezzle]

I hope I'm not depriving OH of any desire to do a proposal, but I feel like I know him well enough to know he doesn't mind at all. I asked him last week if he would have liked it if I did the pregnancy test without him and then surprised him with it wrapped in a box, or a Liverpool onesie, or like I read one women did- a scavenger hunt. He looked at me as if I'd gone completely mad.

I've never wanted a (another) engagement ring, so since we're skipping, or at least keeping quiet about, the engagement part, that's one way of avoiding it without anyone looking at my finger and wondering why I don't have one.

I think my Hubster and your OH would get along famously! Have you put any thought into your wedding rings? I'm not a huge jewelry person, I swear, but for some reason - I made a huge deal out of the wedding rings and still love them two years later (even though we seriously had to order a replacement for Hubster who lost his back in May).

I imagine OH will want the simplest and most comfortable ring possible. I have a friend who makes jewellery, so I always imagined having her design something, but not sure what I like yet! Something delicate looking.