Fiancée's family doesnt want us to have a baby :'(

[littleprinces]

Hi Ladies, need a bit of a rant, my fiancee's family are really annoying me at the mo! One member of his family told me that we cant get married for 5 years or have kids for 10 years because 'they arent ready for us to have kids'!!!! I know that I shouldn't let it get to me but it really has, there have been many promises that they have made to me and my fiancee and left us high and dry,

now it's got to the point where I am at breaking point. They don't know that we are trying for a baby and I dont plan to tell them til we are about 12 weeks gone. They are lovely people but I am not 100% sure that they approve of me, which really hurts. I will continue with wedding and baby plans regardless, but I cant say how hurt I am :'(

Sorry for the rant ladies, just needed to get that off my chest, trying not to stress myself out because I know that isn't going to help our chances of conceiving. Has anyone else had to deal with this or have any ideas of how I can get them to like me, as far as I know I have done nothing wrong or said anything to offend them. Any advice is appreciated..... xxx

 

[kimberly17]

Ultimately, its not about them. It's about you and your fiancee. Whatever you two decide, that is what you should do. You cant put your life on hold just because of a disapproving family member.
When you do get you they will come around, it may take a little time but they'll come around.

 

[littleprinces]

thanks Kimberly, i hope they do and if they dont then its up to them. Im strong enough to say to them 'thats fine, give us a call when you grow up' I really want to get along with them but they are making it so hard. We are trying to move house and they found us a perfect house, one minute we have it, then we don't then when I say we will look elsewhere they make me feel guilty! arrgh, at breaking point now, but you are right and I don't intend to let them dictate to us. Just wish that we could all get along like the family we are supposed to be :'( babydust xx

 

[kimberly17]

I know the feeling. My family is the kind that is all loving a supportive when you're right there. Then later you find out they are talking behind your back to eachother and acting like they know whats best for you.
I get it they are family, and they are allowed to be concerned, but its my life with my hubby.
Families create right sticky situations, dont they?

 

[littleprinces]

they really do, and with the OH's parents I am happy to opinions because they are older and they have been in our situation, but i dont like being told when i can and cannot get married and have kids. But when its said its not said as a joke because its so blunt, either that or my sense of humour is out of whack :/ Hopefully things will improve in the future but from where i'm standing I very much doubt it will, just some of the things that get said really annoys me. Like at our engagement do, my future mother in law said some things about my sister which were very inappropriate, she has made it clear that she doesn't like my parents very much (dad talks to much and mum doesn't 'handle my mentally disabled sister properly' she does her best but my sister is a handful. Don't see how she can make judgements like that when she has only been over to my parents house a handful of times and she doesnt understand my sister at all.
Sorry off on another rant now guess you cant choose family! xx

 

[kdutra]

Hi Ladies, need a bit of a rant, my fiancee's family are really annoying me at the mo! One member of his family told me that we cant get married for 5 years or have kids for 10 years because 'they arent ready for us to have kids'!!!! I know that I shouldn't let it get to me but it really has, there have been many promises that they have made to me and my fiancee and left us high and dry,

now it's got to the point where I am at breaking point. They don't know that we are trying for a baby and I dont plan to tell them til we are about 12 weeks gone. They are lovely people but I am not 100% sure that they approve of me, which really hurts. I will continue with wedding and baby plans regardless, but I cant say how hurt I am :'(

Sorry for the rant ladies, just needed to get that off my chest, trying not to stress myself out because I know that isn't going to help our chances of conceiving. Has anyone else had to deal with this or have any ideas of how I can get them to like me, as far as I know I have done nothing wrong or said anything to offend them. Any advice is appreciated..... xxx

I know how you feel my husbands family doesnt want us to have children for a long time either. Little do they know that we have been trying for about 13mo, no success. But everytime they say something its just like getting a dagger to the heart! Stay strong!

 

[wantanerd]

Don't worry about what they think. They do not have a say in you and your husband's lives as much as they want to. This is a decision the two of you need to make together and not have any outside input.

My in-laws and I had a falling out over a decision my hubby and I made together and while it's not ideal, we never regretted our decision. And in the long run, families usually get over everything especially when kids happen.

 

[littleprinces]

i hope they do, I know that once my family have got over the shock they will be thrilled and they cant be angry when there is a little one to focus on. The OH's family...will take a bit longer to get used to it, Kduta, thats exactly how it feels, when one of them said it today I walked off because I knew that I would cry, all I could think was 'if only I could tell you that I miscarried in January, that baby would have been your grandchild... I should be 6 months pregnant by now' I don't want them to know because all they would say is 'get over it' or 'man up' which would hurt even more! i'm dreading telling them when we are pregnant i'm leaving it to the other half, because he has to tell them that we are having a baby and we want to get married soon after...he will have the hard job!

Just wish they would stop making promises they cant keep, I know they mean well but I am so fed up of people making me promises and breaking them, it hurts so much :'( I am a bit of an emotional wreck today! Its been one of those days xxx

 

[Twinkl3]

The decision is upto you and your OH not them, If you both feel it's the right time to start having children and getting married you shouldnt care what others say, as for wondering how to get them to like you all I can say is ... Be yourself, if they can't accept you for who you are, are their oppinions really worth bothering about?

I have been in a similar position, after I have my MC in March my OH's mum asked if I was going back on BCP until he had finished his degree as she didnt think it was the "right time to be having children" this really upset me at the time, but I'm not bothered now, me and my OH want to have children straight away whether he is still doing his degree or not. There's never going to be a perfect time for me and him as he has 1-2 years left and Im at night school for another 2 years and then university, so if we hold back like his mum insists then by the time I also finish my degree I will be 27 and he will be 41 - Which he doesnt want.

Sorry went on a bit there lol

 

[littleprinces]

lol its ok, we are in a similar situation and in a way I can see why they are worried but theres no need for the comments. I'm in my first year at uni but im 21. OH is in work and is 22, we have discussed and researched and talked to people about the big decision to have a baby so we know we are ready so even if he is at uni and you are at night school, don't worry about it, if it's right then go for it, I bet his mum will be all over her new grandchild when he/she is born. Feels good to get it all out though don't it? Better to rant on her where it is somewhat annoynomous than on Facebook/Twitter I say. Babydust xxxx

 

[littleprinces]

and i'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I had one in January, until then I had no idea it hurt so much or how long it takes to recover :'( Here's hoping we have some bundles of joy soon, after the pain of miscarriage I think we deserve it take care chick, xx

 

[Twinkl3]

Deffinately, hopefully we both get our bundle of joy soon enough Sorry for your loss also

It's nice to know someone else is in a similar position iykwim. I don't think there any right time really in anyone's life, yeah and when you are expecting I bet your OH's mum will be the same as well, they will "hopefully" forget everything thats gone on and accept that your pregnant.

 

[littleprinces]

fingers crossed eh? They are quite hard to predict, but if they dont want to be apart of baby's life thats up to them. We don't need their financial support but I will need emotional support & advice, I think it will take a while for them to get over the shock and come to terms with it but i'm hoping that after that we can be one big happy family, time will tell. xxx

 

[welshgirl21]

Try not to worry about what they think, it's not their life for them to chose how it is lived; it is yours and your fiances, you do what is right for you both when it is right.

I understand how you feel hun; my OH's family make me feel like I am not good enough sometimes, but I know it's not on purpose. OH was married before, not for long as he found his ex wife was cheating on him with someone she worked with. Once he asked for divorce she came and emptied their house while my now OH was at work leaving him with the sofa, the bed, white goods and his stuff in boxes.

I feel OH's family are just waiting for me to do something like that to him or expecting me to be the same as her. They never mention to us about us getting married one day or starting a family, it's like they don't expect us to last. I am dreading telling them when we do conceive as I don't think they'd be happy for us.

 

[littleprinces]

aww your poor OH, that sounds terrible :'(

my other half's family talk about getting married and having babies as a taboo, yesterday when we were discussing it one member said: 'urgh it makes me sick' nice to know that I will one day be welcomed into this family... they were so happy when we got engaged, although I think they were waiting for a pregnancy announcement soon after, (we were trying but didn't get pregnant but they dont know that!) I think that annoyed them a bit becuase they thought what's the point in getting engaged then? We have been together over 3 years and it felt right, but they didn't like that answer :/

I have to say i'm glad im not the only one on here having troubles with the OH's relations, I wasn't sure whether it was me who was the horrible one, so thank you for all your advice ladies it is much appreciated,

Babydust all round xxx

 

[Fliss]

 

[littleprinces]

thanks Fliss xx

 

[ourfate]

Like others said, they have no say in what you and OH want to do with your lives. That just annoys me so much. I hope you get your bfp soon!!!!!

 

[BeesBella]

I am in exact same position as you, I am almost 21, just finished my first year at university me and my fiance have been together for 3 and half years and have been TTC for 8 months. I was pregnant last month but unfortunetly had a chemical and I told OH's mum and she told us we should wait, I was upset, but don't let it get to you, in the end when you do get pregnant, I am sure they will be over the moon. Don't put your life on hold for other people ! Do what makes you happy !
Seems we have a lot in common =)

 

[littleprinces]

it seems we do beesbella, i have to say im glad im not the only uni student on here trying for a LO. I can see why people would want us to wait but we are ready,

Sorry about the chemical, i think i had one this month, my AF was a day late and really weird, heavy on day 1 and for half of day 2 then went down to nothing :S what was urs like? Will you be trying again this month? I know that they say you should wait a few months after a MC but does that count if it was a chemical one?

Sorry im bombarding you with questions now xx