Finding it hard to forget the traumatic past month

[dreambaby]

After 3 weeks of being in hospital and the month before that closely monitored. Logan was taken out by emergency c-section at 36 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia. Logan's growth and development was at risk as scans showed re-distribution of blood and slow growth. I was very poorly and they had struggled to stabilise my blood pressure for weeks. I had episodes of passing out and severe chest pains that led me to being hooked up to an ECG at one point. He was born 4lb 7oz, 2:36pm on the 16th July. He only spent one night in the NICU and had oxygen for a few hours. He has been with me since. It was quite traumatic as unlike my reasonably smooth emergency c-section with my eldest, this spinal c-section didn't work properly! Pain and temperature were removed, but touch and pressure were not. I felt everything and I had a huge amount of scar tissue which they struggled to get through (it took over 25 mins). It was very uncomfortable/painful, distressing and they had to knock me out in the end with a GA. The surgeon did try to talk it through with me afterwards, explaining that it shouldn't have been that way, but spinals sometimes don't work and that thats no ones fault. I am very thankful Logan and I are safe and well after all we have been through, but I feel completely sad about it all and can't stop thinking about it all. I keep remembering all the pain and physical touch of the surgery. Can anyone relate? Will I get over this?

 

[OmiOmen]

Firstly congratulations on the safe arrival of your LO. I am really sorry you have had such a negative experience.

I can relate. I didn't enjoy my pregnancy and delivery with my oldest, with him pre-eclampsia started near the end of the second trimester and I was constantly in and out of hospital and then due to having pre-eclampsia, a breach position and some other minor concerns I had a planned c-section which was far removed from the home birth I hoped for. That experience left me really disappointed with how things went. But it was my second delivery when I had complete uterine rupture that left me with that feeling of birth trauma. I'm working through the anxiety that has come from the experience and it's not nice.

You may get over it in time but it's okay if you need a bit of support though it too. I'm not an expert about how to deal with birth trauma but here are a couple of suggestions:

• If you think it would help request a debrief from your consultant.
• Talk about it with people who have also experienced birth trauma because not everyone will understand how you feel. I recommend the 'Birth Trauma Association' group on facebook. The people there will not belittle your feelings or tell you to 'get over it'.
• Do some research about birth trauma. It might help you feel more 'normal' and give you some ideas about how to cope with it. Eg; https://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/whoarewe.htm
• Ask for help if you need it. It could be your HV, GP, or a counsellor. But make sure they understand the differences between PTSD and PND!