Finding out the gender

[Beanbabe]

Hi girls

Normally Im team yellow all the way but this time Im starting to falter a bit. I was wondering what your opinions are on finding out the gender after a loss. I lost my little boy in January and I have myself totally convinced that this pregnancy is a baby girl.

I'm worried that it mite be a boy. I guess emotionally I was not really ready to get pregnant and now Im afraid of having a boy. Im not even sure if this makes sense but I dont know if my gut instinct about baby being a girl is more of a I'm hoping its a girl because Im afraid its a boy.

Is anyone else afraid of a certain gender?

I have a scan on Tuesday and I will be 18 weeks so I prob could find out. thing is Im not really sure if I want to. There will be at least two other scans so I still have three chances.

I love the bit after labour when you find out what you have. I normally love the suspense of not knowing - I love having people guessing and seeing who got it right. There are very few true surprises in life and this is one of them

Is it better to find out and prepare myself now for a boy if thats the case or is it better to leave it and not spend the next 22 weeks worrying if I will cope with a boy.

Thanks

 

[hayley x]

It seems after someone has lost a baby they find out the gender of the 'rainbow baby' whether they found out in previous pregnancies or not. I found out with my son, then I found out with my daughter, it felt I needed to know what she was so I could prepare myself more for a new baby - emotionally. Plus the excitment of saying son/daughter. good luck with your scans xxx

 

[debgreasby]

A tricky one - i personally will be finding out .. i have with all my others except my first.

I suppose it depends on the type of person you are... do you need time to come to terms with things? Or would it be a case of when bubs pops out the sex really won't matter?

Good luck making your decision xx

 

[Mummy2Angel.]

I think i will find out more so because i know the baby i lost in March was a boy and i have convinced myself this baby will be a boy, so i'd rather know sooner than later if its boy or girl x

 

[Beanbabe]

Thanks girls. Im still very undecided so am not going to find out tomorrow. I have my anomaly scan in two weeks so I will wait till then and see how I feel.

I feel so guilty that the gender is a concern to me. I should just be happy that so far everything is going well but I just cant shake this fear that if I have a boy it will be difficult. It sounds so selfish.

PAL is never easy is it. You think once I get to this point I will be fine then you move that hurdle again and again. Always there is a concern or worry.

 

[jenny25]

dont be silly hun i know the gender of the baby can be hard going esp if you have lost a child of the same sex , i lost my son paul in 2003 i found out i was pregnant again with a little boy aarron is now 6 and im so glad i found out cause it gave me that extra bond with him i know it may sound silly but i would talk to my bump and as him what he would like to be called its really weird to describe xxx

 

[#1onway]

I never wanted to find out with my first pregnancy but after losing two i now feel like i want to know, not sure why the change of heart. Hubby and i have decided that we will find out but tell everyone that we didnt so they can still play the guessing game ha x x

 

[Beanbabe]

Thats a good idea. Problem is hubby while he tries to understand how Im feeling about this doesnt really get it and he doesn't want to know the sex.

We have had the conversation over and over and now we have compromised (sorta). If I'm still feeling anxious about the gender we are going to find out at my growth scan which is at 32 weeks (assuming baby is cooperating).

Strangely my ds has been a strange source of comfort about this. He is only five and still doesn't know Im pregnant. However he keeps talking about the baby brother he's getting. I then have to keep saying "what if you got a baby sister". Then he makes me feel like shite cos he'll say something along the lines of "it doesn't matter mummy I'd still play with her". His acceptance of a sister even tho he yearns for a brother is making me kinda more accepting that I may have a baby boy.

 

[Vickieh1981]

It's a tricky one. I think if I'd got to 32 weeks I'd keep it a secret till birth but I would never get that far anyway lol.

I will find out as soon as I can. I don't think it sounds bad. I feel I need a girl. I want to give her Isabella as her middle name. It's probably a boy though

 

[Beanbabe]

Isn't it strange how you feel you need a girl and I'm afraid of how I'll react to a boy.

Everyones reactions to PAL seem to differ so much. The girl name we had picked when Matthew was born we have decided not to use. We had picked Matthew for a boy and Adele for a girl. Now I feel like i cant use Adele even if we do have a girl this time. Yet you want to use Isabella as a second name.

I think thats partly why this forum works so well cos noone who has not been through this could ever grasp the range of emotions that go with it.

 

[croydongirl]

I think is seems to be totally depending on your previous situation. This will be our first baby and my husband is eager to be a Dad but nervous that he wouldn't know what to do with a girl. Even though I would prefer not to and I do not have a preference, I always wanted a boy but recently have been thinking how lovely a girl would be, so I really won't mind as long as they are happy and healthy, but for the sake of my DH we will find out so he can get used to the idea of pink or blue and start bonding!

 

[hb1]

My friend isn't sure either - she's going to get it popped in an envelope then she and her oh will open it as a christmas present.

I thought a girl would be easiest as my 1st baby - we are having a little boy and are on

hx

 

[Tulip]

At the beginning I had my heart set on a girl - I wanted to think of it as Ruby coming back for another chance - but at the same time was convinced Munch was a boy, which he is. Like H we are on because the important thing is that he is well. And we would have used Ruby as a middle name.... instead I get to use Reuben in memory of the sister who battled hard but ultimately lost her life to save him