First IUI - Looking for IUI Buddies!

[MoBaby]

I have been following barb since she came on here. I felt heartbroken reading her blog and when she had the mc after the IUI. Then each step just seemed to be harder and harder. Having tubes removed, multiple failuresI was so excited when I saw her positive pregnancy test. So excited she finally got her BFP...but then I saw about the selective reduction. This truly breaks my heart. To think that one of those poor babies wont even get a chance. That one of those poor babies is going to be killed around 12 wks by having a drug injected into its heart to make it stop beating. This saddens me deeply. My heart is breaking for that poor child! I believe life starts at conception and feel IVF doesnt change that. I look at my embryo that was transferred and stand amazed that my son is now here living and breathing. I could never choose to kill one of my children, in such a horrific way none the less. I was so heartbroken to read your decision. I have an extremely high risk of carrying twins as I have only half a uterus but when my RE said are you sure to do this I knew that if both stuck then I would carry twins. No question about it. I could not imagine choosing to deliberately killing one of my children. I hope this decision doesnt come lightly for you. I hope you really reconsider what you are about to do. Please look at videos of what happens to that poor baby. Everyone I know who has been pregnant with twins has had surprisingly healthy pregnancies. Twins doesnt always mean disaster. I cant support this decision and I really hope you reconsider life for both babies.

I also support iluvbabies. Good for you for being brave enough to say what many others are thinking!

 

[Breaking Dawn]

It's not brave....it's bullying....especially as her manner was awful. There is a big difference using the word brave here.

Conception is when sperm meets egg.....so any frozen embryos that are not used and not donated are then being killed if they are discarded....but that's your opinion.

people have different opinions....different views. That's no reason. To be rude, mean or a bully.

 

[MoBaby]

I think so too and I wouldn't discard frozen embryos.. I would use them! Or donate them if I had an excessive amount. I have none left anyways. I didn't see any bullying. Are you assuming iluv discarded frozen embryos? I didn't see any discussion on that. How did that come into play?

 

[MandaC]

Holy smokes you have some nerve iluVbabies200 and Mobaby. You have no idea what the discussions were between her, her husband and their doctor and how hard this must be for her and her husband without all this bs. So I would just mind your own business and keep your thoughts to yourself.

Iam so sorry Barb you are going to have to come one here tonight and read all this garbage

 

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm not assuming anything.

My point is ...ppl have different decisions to make in their life....don't come to post judgemental/negative comments.

 

[barbikins]

I expect people to have a different view and you have every right. But I made all my choices for me & my husband. I didn't share my journey with any of you for judgement. Your nasty, judgemental words are appalling and not welcomed.
Anyone who will judge me with out having lived in my shoes can take their Righteous, small minded selves and F-Off. I don't need anyone to tell me how I should live my life and how I should feel for my decisions. Best you can do is worry about your own selves.

For those of you girls who stood up for me, thank you. You were with me and continue to be there for me and understand a woman's right to choose.
I don't need any one of your approvals or advise on how I live my life.

 

[barbikins]

I am not interested in the toxicity this thread has been infiltrated by.
Good luck to everyone on your journey.

 

[Dannixo]

I have been following barb since she came on here. I felt heartbroken reading her blog and when she had the mc after the IUI. Then each step just seemed to be harder and harder. Having tubes removed, multiple failuresI was so excited when I saw her positive pregnancy test. So excited she finally got her BFP...but then I saw about the selective reduction. This truly breaks my heart. To think that one of those poor babies wont even get a chance. That one of those poor babies is going to be killed around 12 wks by having a drug injected into its heart to make it stop beating. This saddens me deeply. My heart is breaking for that poor child! I believe life starts at conception and feel IVF doesnt change that. I look at my embryo that was transferred and stand amazed that my son is now here living and breathing. I could never choose to kill one of my children, in such a horrific way none the less. I was so heartbroken to read your decision. I have an extremely high risk of carrying twins as I have only half a uterus but when my RE said are you sure to do this I knew that if both stuck then I would carry twins. No question about it. I could not imagine choosing to deliberately killing one of my children. I hope this decision doesnt come lightly for you. I hope you really reconsider what you are about to do. Please look at videos of what happens to that poor baby. Everyone I know who has been pregnant with twins has had surprisingly healthy pregnancies. Twins doesnt always mean disaster. I cant support this decision and I really hope you reconsider life for both babies.

I also support iluvbabies. Good for you for being brave enough to say what many others are thinking!

Finally someone said it! I would kill for the chance to get pregnant, let alone with two babies! I can't even afford ivf and barb does it 4 times to just KILL an unborn baby! Should have NEVER even placed two if you could get pregnant with both. I am against abortion and am very sad after all the money and time spent to have a baby you'd just kill one! I've never been pregnant in my life and may never get the chance and you have a chance to be a mommy to two beautiful babies. Sad.

 

[Breaking Dawn]

I expect people to have a different view and you have every right. But I made all my choices for me & my husband. I didn't share my journey with any of you for judgement. Your nasty, judgemental words are appalling and not welcomed.
Anyone who will judge me with out having lived in my shoes can take their Righteous, small minded selves and F-Off. I don't need anyone to tell me how I should live my life and how I should feel for my decisions. Best you can do is worry about your own selves.

For those of you girls who stood up for me, thank you. You were with me and continue to be there for me and understand a woman's right to choose.
I don't need any one of your approvals or advise on how I live my life.

I am not interested in the toxicity this thread has been infiltrated by.
Good luck to everyone on your journey.

Completely with you.

 

[MandaC]

I expect people to have a different view and you have every right. But I made all my choices for me & my husband. I didn't share my journey with any of you for judgement. Your nasty, judgemental words are appalling and not welcomed.
Anyone who will judge me with out having lived in my shoes can take their Righteous, small minded selves and F-Off. I don't need anyone to tell me how I should live my life and how I should feel for my decisions. Best you can do is worry about your own selves.

For those of you girls who stood up for me, thank you. You were with me and continue to be there for me and understand a woman's right to choose.
I don't need any one of your approvals or advise on how I live my life.

Well said!!

If you make a new thread I would to still follow you and share being bump buddies PM me let me know where ur going.

 

[Tasha]

Locked pending admin review

 

[MrsC8776]

I would like to start off by saying yes, I'm not part of this thread and I don't know everyones story. I just have a few things I would like to say since this has been weighing heavy on my heart ever since I saw the post about reduction.

Barb~ We are not here to attack you. We are not going to follow you around on the forum nor are we "trolls." I think the main reason a lot of these women are upset is because you have brought up a very sensitive subject. Yes, it is your choice but others deserve to have an opinion as well. This is an open forum and everyone in the world can see your post. Member or not. Just because you don't like what someone is saying you report them and ask for the thread to be closed. Is that fair? All we are trying to do is find out why and express our sadness for the child you decide not to keep. In fairness I think you should hear some people out. think about all the ladies in your group who have struggled to have a child, get pregnant or lose a child (born or unborn) like yourself.

As a mom of 14 month old twin girls your post really got to me. I can not even imagine looking at my girls and knowing I picked one over the other. Twins have an amazing bond and I can tell you that a twin who loses their twin always feels like something is missing in their life. Twins are truly a blessing and you say you believe in God. Yes I read your entire blog. If thats true then you should know that God wouldn't give you more than you can handle. I'm not a religious person and never been to church but I do believe in right and wrong. I was scared shitless when I saw two hearts beating at my first scan after my fertility treatment. Seriously I think everyone who gets twins or more is. It's normal. That fear turns into so much happiness and joy though! Not all twin pregnancies are complicated nor do they all require NICU. A lot of them actually require to be induced because the babies are so comfortable in there. Yes you get tired more often, you need to rest and you feel like there is a boxing match going on inside you but thats it.

A lot of women are very sad for what you will be doing. I don't think any of us can or will change your mind but it doesn't hurt for you to listen/read what every one has to say. I'm shocked that so many people are supportive of what you are doing and not asking why or expressing their sadness over your children. Your fetus isn't just a fetus. It's a child with arms, fingers, toes, beating heart and most of all your baby. At that 12 week scan before they do the reduction your child will be moving around and probably wave at you. In a very serious question and not to be a bitch but how do you decide which to keep? What if something happens to the other one?

Before you report me because you don't like my post please just answer my questions. I'm not trying to be rude or attack you. I'm just very sad and trying to figure out why.

 

[MandaC]

I would like to start off by saying yes, I'm not part of this thread and I don't know everyones story. I just have a few things I would like to say since this has been weighing heavy on my heart ever since I saw the post about reduction.

Barb~ We are not here to attack you. We are not going to follow you around on the forum nor are we "trolls." I think the main reason a lot of these women are upset is because you have brought up a very sensitive subject. Yes, it is your choice but others deserve to have an opinion as well. This is an open forum and everyone in the world can see your post. Member or not. Just because you don't like what someone is saying you report them and ask for the thread to be closed. Is that fair? All we are trying to do is find out why and express our sadness for the child you decide not to keep. In fairness I think you should hear some people out. think about all the ladies in your group who have struggled to have a child, get pregnant or lose a child (born or unborn) like yourself.

As a mom of 14 month old twin girls your post really got to me. I can not even imagine looking at my girls and knowing I picked one over the other. Twins have an amazing bond and I can tell you that a twin who loses their twin always feels like something is missing in their life. Twins are truly a blessing and you say you believe in God. Yes I read your entire blog. If thats true then you should know that God wouldn't give you more than you can handle. I'm not a religious person and never been to church but I do believe in right and wrong. I was scared shitless when I saw two hearts beating at my first scan after my fertility treatment. Seriously I think everyone who gets twins or more is. It's normal. That fear turns into so much happiness and joy though! Not all twin pregnancies are complicated nor do they all require NICU. A lot of them actually require to be induced because the babies are so comfortable in there. Yes you get tired more often, you need to rest and you feel like there is a boxing match going on inside you but thats it.

A lot of women are very sad for what you will be doing. I don't think any of us can or will change your mind but it doesn't hurt for you to listen/read what every one has to say. I'm shocked that so many people are supportive of what you are doing and not asking why or expressing their sadness over your children. Your fetus isn't just a fetus. It's a child with arms, fingers, toes, beating heart and most of all your baby. At that 12 week scan before they do the reduction your child will be moving around and probably wave at you. In a very serious question and not to be a bitch but how do you decide which to keep? What if something happens to the other one?

Before you report me because you don't like my post please just answer my questions. I'm not trying to be rude or attack you. I'm just very sad and trying to figure out why.

That's right you don't understand so your comments are better left unsaid.

 

[MrsC8776]

Please leave that up to Barb. I wasn't rude so theres no reason for you to reply. I have valid questions and if this is a choice she believes in then it shouldn't be a problem to answer. I've read her whole blog so there are things I understand. This just isn't one of them.

 

[Likklegemz]

Mandac, I'm sorry but that's rather rude! I think all ladies on these forums have some degree of understanding. Making a comment basically telling someone to shut up is a bit uncalled for? They're simply trying to understand. After all this is a public forum.

Like others, I'm not a 'member' of this particular thread. However I'm regularly on baby and bump and read other stories to see if i can offer advice of support or simply to read about others experiences so I know I'm not alone.

My husband and I tried for years to fall pregnant and never did until last year our Circumstances were lucky, we fell pregnant naturally after a laparscopy. That doesn't mean I don't know the heart break of IVF.

Our first and so far only cycle result in a bfn. Before transfer I begged my gynaecologist to transfer two. He point blank refused based on my age and the risk of multiples. His words and not mine was that it would be irresponsible. Were were gearing up to our second attempt when I fell pregnant naturally (I was give odds afterwards of 1 in 7000 of it happening) and when I asked to transfer my two froze embryos again I was told no. The doctor explained the risk of multiples and the dangers of carrying multiples. If I was insistent on having the two transferred I had to sign a disclaimer stating this was against medical advice.

Maybe it's different in our countries (I'm in the UK) but I really am struggling to understand why a doctor would say transfer two and if they both stick you could abort one, and why a woman who has longed to be pregnant and have a child wouldn't be amazed and over the moon with twins. The risk of twins is higher if they are identical sharing the same placenta than twins who are none identical. Overall I think this has just touched a lot of peoples nerves, and I don't believe anyone is trolling anyone, just trying to understand.

At the end of the day, it's her decision, and she has to live with it. However I think it was pretty naive not to get a response given that this was posted on an assisted conception forum

 

[barbikins]

Again, I'm not looking for any sort of validation, I don't want to 'hear anyone one' because I'm not looking for opinions on my situation.
And MrsC8776, if you dont think calling me a baby killer is attacking me, then I don't know what to say to you.
I understand that everyone will have a different opinion on what I've chosen to do, but in no way attacking me with 'baby killer' and painting me out to be a monster is being constructive in anyway. So why would I 'hear' these folks out?
I don't need to explain why I made the decision I have made and I don't need to defend my decision either. If you don't like that I am pro-choice, that's fine but no one is entitled to attack me for it.
I have every right to report these remarks. The admin board states that if any comments are even 'rude' that reporting is called for. I can request anything I wish on a forum I started 1.5 years ago with women who have been there from day 1 & understand my struggles & my journey and how I've come to my conclusions. And those are the ladies who support me & continue to do so. Because they understand me & know where they're coming from.
I shared the outcome of my news and decided not to hide & walk away in shame. I was open & honest to everyone what would happen if I were pregnant with two. It was no shocking news to them.

So really, I think if you have nothing constructive to say & feel the need to just be mean because you don't agree with what I or any women on this board have to say, it's best left unsaid. You make it seem like I couldn't give a shit about my choice & that I did it with disregard and I certainly have not. I'm doing it for my own health & the health of the outcome of my pregnancy. Understand what I just wrote...MY PREGNANCY....so really I think you've all exhausted enough venom toward me & can move on to what's actually important & it's to continue to support everyone. And if you can't support me, then ignore me. That's all I ask.
But this is the last you'll see me on this thread. I didn't come here for attacks. I only have every supported each & every one of these lovely woman & that's all I ask in return. And if you can't support me....IGNORE ME.

 

[Babywhisperer]

For those who have been negative and judgmental, those that have been supportive like myself may not believe in her decision and may not have chosen the same path if we were in her shoes, but that does not give you the right to tout YOUR beliefs as right vs wrong. Doctors want to keep their success rates as high as possible and due to age they suggest transferring more than one. What your doctor did/suggested may be different, but if you put 10 doctors in a room I will bet there will not be 10 identical opinions or courses of action which is why rates differ from practice to practice.

Of course I look at my own child and don't know if I could make that decision, but who am I to judge. All any of us want is to be a Mom. Of course those who haven't had that blessing are offended because they would love the chance to have a child, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to lash out. Our words, beliefs, suggestions, advice might never change someone's mind, but in the spirit of keeping this forum one where we all feel comfortable to share our journey, being hurtful or nasty and imposing your beliefs on others is just not going to work. I know this is a polarizing topic, but God (or whatever you hold as your supreme being or lack thereof) help you if you ever do something that someone else disagrees with and goes all Ann Coulter on you. You don't have to agree with what anyone does, but how you chose to respond speaks volumes about your nature. If you are truly offended then unsubscribe to the forum, being negative and judgmental is not going to change her mind and likely no one else's.

No one that yearns to be a Mom, spends a fortune to increase their chances, suffers many heartbreaking losses would ever take this decision lightly.

There is going to be a day when you are somewhere, say maybe the supermarket and you are going to grab a packaged non-organic food product and someone will judge you. Or you will be reprimanding your child in a way that someone disagrees with and they will judge you. Or the people who believe that women don't deserve the same rights as men? How would you feel? What if every person who ever disagreed with how something was done voiced their opinions in such a manner as I have seen on this forum recently? What would your response be....most likely "this is my child, I will feed them or reprimand them as I see fit". There is freedom of speech and their are beliefs that should be kept to yourself.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

 

[Pnutsprincess]

whoa a lot of drama. I think Barb should be able to do what she feel is right for her family. Do I agree with what she is doing? No, but I do support her and would not judge her. I have been following her for a long time now. Please just let her be. If you don't like what we talk about in here, then please ignore this thread.

 

[Pnutsprincess]

I expect people to have a different view and you have every right. But I made all my choices for me & my husband. I didn't share my journey with any of you for judgement. Your nasty, judgemental words are appalling and not welcomed.
Anyone who will judge me with out having lived in my shoes can take their Righteous, small minded selves and F-Off. I don't need anyone to tell me how I should live my life and how I should feel for my decisions. Best you can do is worry about your own selves.

For those of you girls who stood up for me, thank you. You were with me and continue to be there for me and understand a woman's right to choose.
I don't need any one of your approvals or advise on how I live my life.

Well said!!

If you make a new thread I would to still follow you and share being bump buddies PM me let me know where ur going.

Me too I would never judge any of you

 

[Peachy1584]

I was on a thread barbs had started and I have struggled myself with posting to this situation. As you all know these forums are open to everyone and we really do put ourselves out there. I was rooting for barbs and she was one I kept in my prayers as I know how tough multiple losses can be. I think the gals who have been on her threads or followed her journey are the ones who are having a hard time. If you read back it's the comments about only transferring one each time, not being able to afford twins and deciding to transfer 2 to basically expedite things are what truly stand out. Each RE has told me transferring 2 does not increase your chance of getting pregnant by much but does increase the chance of multiples. Transferring 2 knowing you will reduce which she clearly stated beforehand is irresponsible on both the Dr and the patient. Then saying "well there's 2 so I'm going to reduce but at least I'm pregnant and happy healthy 9 mos " seems cold and contrived. I don't think it's a matter of being pro-choice I think it's a matter of purposely giving life to purposely take it away. We are all on a forum about babies and wanting babies. Is it a surprise ladies would get upset and want her to change her mind? Certainly not. We do only know on here the information each of us is willing to share. Everyone on here knows when sharing a journey opinions and advice will be shared as well. It does not mean judgment is being passed. I too hope you will reconsider your decision barbikins. I know this will weigh heavy on many of our hearts for a very long time. Best of luck on your journeys ladies.