first time mum? anyone as scared as me? would be nice to hear from you xx

[Starlightdiva]

hi,
my name is Lauren, i'm 33 weeks pregnant and because of a heart condition i'm having an elective C-section on the 23rd of may. This is my first baby and although i am very excited to meet her, i am also petrified.
I have adult ADHD (just a small explanation) which is like it would be in a child but not diagnosed untill adulthood. One of my major problems is sleeping i dont sleep properly anyway and i can never nap, this condition wasnt diagnosed untill december just gone whilst i was already pregnant so ive never been able to take medications and never had any organisational help so i find organising certain things very hard and as part of my condition i am incredibly forgetful. so im very worried about bringing baby home and how i will cope. most people can think oh i will sleep for a little while in the day if i can, and on a night but i cant shut my mind off, im already awake all day and night because i cant shut my brain off so mayb i will be used to it.
anyway not on the adhd subject but is anybody else worrying about how they will cope? i dont have any friends at the moment so i dont have anyone to ask about how they felt before their babies came it would be really nice to just chat about how people are feeling?
i hope to hear from some of you soon

 

[Starry Night]

I'm not a FTM but I remember how terrified I was. It was about a week before my due date when the reality dawned on me. "A baby is coming and he's going to be mine FOR LIFE. There is NO going back." It was scary! I'm the sort to question myself and my abilities. I was scared I wouldn't be able to commit to the responsibility or to even love the baby as I should.

And you know what? You do figure it out. My mom gave me the advice her mom gave her and the advice my grandma got from HER mom. "You're an adult. You are smart and you have common sense. You can figure it out." And if I was ever really stuck I could go to her for advise.

It's normal to be afraid but you don't need to be a Martha Stewart or June Cleaver type to be a good mom. I'm probably the least domestic, organized stay at home mom ever but I know I'm a good mom. He's fed, clothed, and loved to pieces. He's happy and healthy and you can tell when your child knows he's loved and is secure.

 

[Natnee]

Well i'm not a ftm, but I am still scared of what's going to happen, childbirth again, plus dealing with another baby. Don't worry you will be fine. Yes it's all going to be very new to you at first, but you will soon wonder what it was actually like not having a baby in the house. You will hopefully get into a nice routine with your baby. It will take over your life and in a way I am a bit jealous as you can devote your entire attention to him/her. I'm so used to just having 1, and as a nearly 4 year old, she's getting more and more independent so it's going to be a shock having a baby who needs my every need again! Plus a little girl to look after. My next baby will have to fit in a lot with what we are doing so it will be completely different for me this time round, when I completely worked around dd1.

I'm just as anxious this time round about going into labour, as I was induced last time. So I don't really know what i'm looking out for as such, or when it's going to be. Will my waters just suddenly go? Will I lose plug first? It's all kinda new for me again too! But I just keep thinking how it will all be worth it in the end.

xx

 

[magicwhisper]

hi there.

however excited i am to meet my little girl i am scared too! i looked at thge nappies and went blinkinng heck the other day oh and im a ftm too.

 

[pandi77]

I will be a ftm but am a bit of the exception it seems. We ttc for so long and had so many losses I am excited to tears and (so far) not scared at all because I've been rock bottom and am giving it the finger from now on lol I think for so much of my life I was absolutely terrified and did everything I could to NOT get pregnant. Funny how everything changes when you get older and are told you may never have kids

Anyways I am confident we will all do great. To be on this forum and be scared and/or excited shows you care straight away. It's important to feel strongly about being a parent no matter how old or how many children you do or don't have. I'm sure there is a huge spectrum of emotions we all go through and I am trying to allow for them all along the way. It's a new life and will always carry a piece of you with him/her. Beautiful to think about I think

 

[Starlightdiva]

i have booked into a parenting class at my hospital, but its only the one and its three hours long, is that long enough to learn the basics??
my mum had a terrible beggining with me i was a very poorly baby due to a heart condition and she never had another so her experience is very different as i was in hospital and when i wasnt i was very poorly
i wonder about nappies, what sizes, what formula will be best because i cant breastfeed so many questions and nobody to ask!!! lol

 

[pandi77]

i have booked into a parenting class at my hospital, but its only the one and its three hours long, is that long enough to learn the basics??
my mum had a terrible beggining with me i was a very poorly baby due to a heart condition and she never had another so her experience is very different as i was in hospital and when i wasnt i was very poorly
i wonder about nappies, what sizes, what formula will be best because i cant breastfeed so many questions and nobody to ask!!! lol

There are a ton of great ladies on here who can lend a hand. I am far away from any family and have no one to ask about these day to day things and so far the ladies on these various forums have been great at answering all my questions. The forum for after the baby is born is chock full of information!

I am sorry you are dealing with your heart condition and I'm sure that is very scary. There have been a lot of medical advancements since your mom went through this so hopefully your support system and options will create a different experience than she had

 

[Starlightdiva]

i have booked into a parenting class at my hospital, but its only the one and its three hours long, is that long enough to learn the basics??
my mum had a terrible beggining with me i was a very poorly baby due to a heart condition and she never had another so her experience is very different as i was in hospital and when i wasnt i was very poorly
i wonder about nappies, what sizes, what formula will be best because i cant breastfeed so many questions and nobody to ask!!! lol

There are a ton of great ladies on here who can lend a hand. I am far away from any family and have no one to ask about these day to day things and so far the ladies on these various forums have been great at answering all my questions. The forum for after the baby is born is chock full of information!

I am sorry you are dealing with your heart condition and I'm sure that is very scary. There have been a lot of medical advancements since your mom went through this so hopefully your support system and options will create a different experience than she had

do you know something, i am actually possibly one of the luckiest pregnant people in the world, because of my heat condition i have had a scan every four weeks, i had what's called a threatened miscarriage at 8 weeks so i ended up being scanned at 8 weeks and then at 12 and then again every four weeks, and my baby has a fetal cardiac echo, she has been so monitored and i've gotten to see her all these times and nothing is wrong with her, the only downside is i have to have a c-section, which isn't really a downside except i kind of wanted to go through labour at least once in my life before i chickened out lol

 

[Starlightdiva]

i also paid for a 4D scan...

 

[Leids]

I also have ADHD and am getting checked over for a heart condition (though I'm not sure what it is and I've already had one healthy natural child birth, heart problem didn't begin until after my son was born). ADHD is awful - I really feel for you and understand how anxious you must be. I feel like it makes my head spin and it drives me crazy.

When my son was born I handled it well. I just followed my instincts and didn't read too much into what I should be doing because it stressed me out a lot in the beginning.

It may be worth it to speak to your doctor about starting something like adderall after your baby is born but I don't know how that may interact with other medications. You could also talk to them about starting anti-anxiety meds afterwards as well which might help a little. I was on adderall for over 10 years and honestly I'm a completely different (but better) person when I'm on it. I had to quit when I got pregnant with my son and haven't been on it for a few years, but after I'm done breastfeeding I'll definitely be back on it.

 

[Starlightdiva]

ive been advised i can finally start meds about 6/8 weeks after birth because they want to allow for my hormones to settle, im lucky i have got a great mental health team monitoring me and i really am hoping which ever meds i choose will really help
so far im leaning towards going for the anti stimulants and if i choose a stimulant like ritalin the meds they put me on first have a half life of a few hours and i have to take three tablets a day all of which they tell me i will feel wear off, and i can see myself having a tendancy to over medicate if i feel myself slipping back into wired mode

 

[Natnee]

i have booked into a parenting class at my hospital, but its only the one and its three hours long, is that long enough to learn the basics??
my mum had a terrible beggining with me i was a very poorly baby due to a heart condition and she never had another so her experience is very different as i was in hospital and when i wasnt i was very poorly
i wonder about nappies, what sizes, what formula will be best because i cant breastfeed so many questions and nobody to ask!!! lol

That's 3 hours more than I ever had with dd1!! It came to bringing her home and it was just a HUGE learning curve. Didn't have a clue what to do! I remember her first bath and me and OH were like 'errr what do we do''!!

 

[Starlightdiva]

That's 3 hours more than I ever had with dd1!! It came to bringing her home and it was just a HUGE learning curve. Didn't have a clue what to do! I remember her first bath and me and OH were like 'errr what do we do''!!

oh my god! Thats insane! i was about 17 weeks just after i found out what i was having (at a private scan) that i realised i needed to buy things for her to wear, it was this realisation that made me have more realisations that i had no idea how to choose what she needed to wear, how i would know when shes hungry too hot too cold, what size nappies, bottles etc, when would be the right time to bathe her the list is endless!!! so i booked into classes as soon as i could! im lucky that my OH had a daughter in a previous relationship so he learnt alot of it then but i seem to want to do everything by the book with this baby.

 

[xdxxtx]

I have adult ADHD as well and sound a lot like you described in your original post. This is my third baby, so I have some insight on what it's like, especially with the sleep issues and forgetfulness. I bought a timer for baby's feedings and diaper changes for the beginning stages, to make sure my baby ate every 3 hours as a newborn and every 4 hours after a while, although baby will develop their own schedule and, of course, cry when hungry.

Also, what helped with the sleep problem was breastfeeding. I don't medicate - I control my ADHD naturally so I can have babies without worrying - but breastfeeding is AMAZING because..... it releases a hormone that makes you very relaxed and sleepy. This meant that whenever baby fed, I started to drift off to sleep. I could just put him down and take a nap. It also made night-time feedings easier for the same reason. I am the type of person who will take hours to fall asleep on a normal night and cannot get my mind to shut down in order to take a nap during the day, either, but when breastfeeding, all of that gets shut down because of the hormones. If you're going to medicate, this might not be an option for you (not sure what you'll be on), but it is definitely a recommendation I can make as someone with adult ADHD.

Regardless, everything came naturally to me as a parent... I didn't have any experience - I just knew what to do. All of it. Breastfeeding, baths, bonding, play time... It is a natural instinct in many people.

 

[Starlightdiva]

its really nice to know that other mums with adhd have coped
my adhd story is long and compicated and means im on some other medication that they havent been able to take me off as of yet so breastfeeding isnt allowed for me or i guess not for me but for baby

 

[xdxxtx]

its really nice to know that other mums with adhd have coped
my adhd story is long and compicated and means im on some other medication that they havent been able to take me off as of yet so breastfeeding isnt allowed for me or i guess not for me but for baby

Yes, that makes sense. But you WILL be a fine parent, and I'm pretty sure you'll just surprise yourself with how much you'll just "know" naturally as a parent.