Surreal
Me + Little Man = Family.
- Joined
- Apr 5, 2010
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- 847
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So, found out from an acquaintance between I and FOB, that last week FOB had a heart attack... apparently he was rushed to the hospital, had his heart stop three times on the way. They finally got there, and had to put two stints in and put him in a medically induced coma in order for him to recuperate.
I haven't had any contact with him, outside of this acquaintance that's kept me somewhat up-to-date on what's been going on. He tried once to contact me about my baby, but I chased him off in the e-mail and he never contacted me since then. We separated back in March or so, when he decided not to go through with his divorce, and went back to his wife. Which, I'm okay with... it was his choice, and at the time we both were dating while going through the transition of getting a divorce. But, I also made the decision at the time to have nothing to do with him, after the fact. He went back to his wife, and had chose that path over dating me, despite the fact that I accidentally became pregnant.
(Mind you, that one experience taught me; no dating men going *through* the process of divorce. They might never complete that process.
)
I thought I had been able to bring myself to not care about him, to not give a crap... but since hearing about his heart attack, it's hard not to suddenly feel shaken up over the situation. I found out later that he was abusing drugs and steroids, and possibly still is, which might be the cause of his heart attack.... but my God, he's too *young* to be having a heart attack, and having stints put in the valves of his heart.
I also found out he and his wife attempted to have another baby, but that she miscarried a couple of months ago, and I'm just struggling not to blame myself for it. Some other baby died, because I have my own baby... because he's attempting to replace the baby I am carrying, which he knows is his...
I once had a friend tell me, 'you never fully stop loving the father of your children'... and a part of me is beginning to think they're right. I just wish I didn't, because I wouldn't be this shaken up over a man who ultimately doesn't give a crap about me, or possibly now, even his son... why does things like this have to be so difficult, months after the fact? I thought emotionally I was entirely done with him... but, apparently not. Does it ever end?
I haven't had any contact with him, outside of this acquaintance that's kept me somewhat up-to-date on what's been going on. He tried once to contact me about my baby, but I chased him off in the e-mail and he never contacted me since then. We separated back in March or so, when he decided not to go through with his divorce, and went back to his wife. Which, I'm okay with... it was his choice, and at the time we both were dating while going through the transition of getting a divorce. But, I also made the decision at the time to have nothing to do with him, after the fact. He went back to his wife, and had chose that path over dating me, despite the fact that I accidentally became pregnant.
(Mind you, that one experience taught me; no dating men going *through* the process of divorce. They might never complete that process.
)I thought I had been able to bring myself to not care about him, to not give a crap... but since hearing about his heart attack, it's hard not to suddenly feel shaken up over the situation. I found out later that he was abusing drugs and steroids, and possibly still is, which might be the cause of his heart attack.... but my God, he's too *young* to be having a heart attack, and having stints put in the valves of his heart.
I also found out he and his wife attempted to have another baby, but that she miscarried a couple of months ago, and I'm just struggling not to blame myself for it. Some other baby died, because I have my own baby... because he's attempting to replace the baby I am carrying, which he knows is his...
I once had a friend tell me, 'you never fully stop loving the father of your children'... and a part of me is beginning to think they're right. I just wish I didn't, because I wouldn't be this shaken up over a man who ultimately doesn't give a crap about me, or possibly now, even his son... why does things like this have to be so difficult, months after the fact? I thought emotionally I was entirely done with him... but, apparently not. Does it ever end?
