FOB has admitted he's fearing this birth...

mumof1+1

Mommato#4beauties
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Because when we had DS it was a little traumatic and he hated watching. He is grateful his son was born alive and well don't get me wrong, but it has left him so shaken that he's petrified of what this labour will bring - to the extent he doesn't know if he wants to even be here :(

He will be here because I have asked if he can be there for me if nothing else, I mean, how does he think I feel - i can't walk away and not watch... Its me its happening to... I have tried to reassur him that just because we laboured badly last time it doesn't mean that this one will be anything like that one, but getting through to someone who is clearly badly traumatised from what was seen... :(

The differences this time make me "believe" this labour should be better than with my son, I had anterior placenta with him and laboured back to back, he got totally stuck... This time I have posterior placenta, I always feel hiccups low low down and to the left hand side just above my pubic bone and can always feel a hard part that I am assuming is baby's bum around about and just above my belly button, heart beat is more often than not found low down too - surely taking these facts into account the chances of a back to back labour are slim????

I dont want him to worry about the labour, I would rather him try put it aside and concentrate on being there and thinking positive, I understand that it will be hard for him, it's something I have pondered over myself many times... But I had no idea until last night he felt this way :(

Can anyone offer me any reassurance? Surely the above differences are a positive indicator right? My labour with my DD 11 years ago was fantastic, she was posterior and was almost always head down but thats all i can remember!!!

Thank you reading xx
 
Last time was last time, they have it all on record and know what to look out for, but this is a new baby and a new pregnancy, this time WILL be different, this time We will understand whats going on and will be able to question whats not right! will it be down to the letter whats on our birth plan.. probably not but we lived through the last one, we are ok now, we are onto a new pregnancy, we will be fine :)

With my sons birth i had a PPH, It was scary, really thought i was a gonner at one point, put my head back and thought oh well time to die and went to sleep, was suprised when i woke up that i was still alive lol maybe wasnt this dramatic to everyone else (cept my wee granny who was waiting in the hall and thought the worst as the amount of medical staff going into the labour room to me tripled and got frantic) but it was to me lol i woke up with needles everywhere, blood transfusion going on, pain relief in another bit, even needles stuck in my hand INCASE they needed them at any point lol random, but after it all i was able to recover and be happy and all was awesome!

Its not going to happen again, because they know what to look out for, If it does happen again its no biggie, ill understand what's happening, how they will fix it, Ill not panic as i did last time :)

This time is not last time, this time everything will be better :) if its not, at least i know i survived it before and it was totally worth it!
 
Every time is different. For no other reason he should be there for you. He can be up by your side, not watching down there. Just holding your hand and helping you through it. But I would advise a family member or friend as a back up if for some reason he can't handle it.
 
He was up by my side and not watching, it was the what he saw when he glanced up and saw the doctor physically shaking as he tried to pull our son out that has left him worried.... He has said he will be there although I do also have a friend coming along too, for both of us, she has been through labour so knows what to say to him and when :)

I am really hoping for a brighter experience for him even if just to try and get him over what he saw the first time around.
 
Ok, it's very very good that he has opened up and told you how anxious he is - men (sweeping generalisation alert!) often don't do that, they come up with 101 stupid reasons to get out of something, rather than being honest and saying 'I'm bloody terrified'

Now he's told you, you can work through what is going to help him this time (cuz he knows as well as you do, that not being there isn't an option!)
Truth is, you can't promise him an easier birth this time - so it's about talking through what will help him prepare for the possibilitie

Good luck, both of you xxx
 
0.0 can understand why hes so nervous! if id seen the doc shaking id of pooped myself... oh wait i think i did anyway lol

Best way to calm down your OH (imo ) is to show him your not scared! be confident and happy when you talk about going into labour :)

I was with my sons dad when i went into labour, he saw all that went on and still complained when i signed myself out of hospital and couldn't stand to wash bottles, i did it even tho it took me an hour to was 6 bottles but he shouted at me for taking so long! so we didnt last much longer than that lol So ive explained to my OH what went on, just incase to prepare him for it, he kinda took it on the chin and told me id find him in the bar after baby was born... hehe hes funny! Whatever will be faced will be done together :)

( i hope, he works nights now... eeep and no phone reception in his work!! wdh!! think he planned it lol )
 
The two of you need to sit down and share your feelings and thoughts openly and honestly. Wthout anger or hurt. it may be very difficult to reassure him but I'm sure you're feeling similar. You can use this as a way to become closer not further apart. He's terrified probably with good reason. Maybe you can have your doctor speak with him? My dh is afraid but I think after he asked the doctor 8 mil questions last time we were there her word was stronger than mine. She's the professional after all and she said everything was fantastic so it really helped calm him down. Just a thought but see if he'd like to do that and if ur doctor or midwife would be willing to help. It can make a huge difference at least it did for us
 
0.0 can understand why hes so nervous! if id seen the doc shaking id of pooped myself... oh wait i think i did anyway lol

Best way to calm down your OH (imo ) is to show him your not scared! be confident and happy when you talk about going into labour :)

Haha, that first bit made me chuckle - i did too :haha:

I have tried to tell him that there are absolutely no guarantees that this labour will be anything alike the last one, and to be honest, i'm not *that* worried, to me the posterior placenta changes alot, i haven't really expressed to him that I'm worried so i'm hoping that with that in mind it may be enough to see him through. I'm now wondering who exactly will be supporting who when labour does start haha.

I've told him if I labour as I did with DD, he won't barely notice it's started!!! He laughed at that lol.

The two of you need to sit down and share your feelings and thoughts openly and honestly. Wthout anger or hurt. it may be very difficult to reassure him but I'm sure you're feeling similar. You can use this as a way to become closer not further apart. He's terrified probably with good reason. Maybe you can have your doctor speak with him? My dh is afraid but I think after he asked the doctor 8 mil questions last time we were there her word was stronger than mine. She's the professional after all and she said everything was fantastic so it really helped calm him down. Just a thought but see if he'd like to do that and if ur doctor or midwife would be willing to help. It can make a huge difference at least it did for us

Thats the bonus of a good relationship isn't it :) being able to talk openly and honestly, which we have done. I wasn't angry or hurt when he told me, I was more worried about him having yet more worry to deal with as I don't want him to worry. I will get the Midwives to talk to him at first chance as he has a jerk for a boss so time off is very limited...

Think you'd all best keep your fingers crossed for me just incase haha but yes, it is good that he has told me, I just wish he'd done it sooner then i'd have had longer to reassure him...
 
lol true point who will be supporting you?

i find i always panic less if im the one doing the supporting, as soon as someone gives me an ounce of sympathy or feels bad for me in the tinest wee way i freak, like oh golly gosh im dying! they are being nice to me! helpppp!! lol

Think in our own wee ways we all are scared of giving birth or seeing someone we love in pain and being helpless, to be fair im glad im going to be the one in pain, watching someone else do it would be a lot more unnerving, but as long as we know the facts, what could happen and what happens to fix it, its always easier than going in thinking " so we go in, you fart and babys there? right? " im looking at it more like, " we go in, deal with whatever is thrown at us and come home with a baby! a lil itty bitta tiny piece of us to love 4 ever and ever :) "

we are only allowed one person in with me at time of birth and tbh id love it if OH's mum was allowed in, not for me as we are not that close, though she's a great person and has done more than enough for bump already, but because i feel like OH will need his mummy lol
 

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