For the unmarried ladies (or married ladies who kept their own name)

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by firegal, Apr 17, 2009.

?

What surname are you giving your baby?

  1. Giving LO OH's surname

  2. Giving LO your surname

  3. Double-barrel!

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  1. firegal

    firegal Well-Known Member

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    What are you planning on doing about a surname for your baby? OH and I haven't agreed on this yet. We're not married, but even if we do get married in the future it's really unlikely that I'll take his name. I just personally don't believe in it, it wouldn't feel right to me. I would possibly consider giving myself a double-barrel surname but that's as much as I'd do. So we've got the dilemma:

    - Do we go traditional and give the baby OH's surname? Then I'll feel like I have no connection to the baby in name. We could give them my surname as a middle name, especially if we have a boy, but I'm not convinced.....

    - Do we give them a double-barrel name? Then I could keep my surname in the future and still have a connection to the LO. If the LO really doesn't like using a double-barrel name then they could just use OH's day to day, but at least on their birth certificate we will obviously be related! This is my preference but the trouble is, this is OH's least favourite option....

    Would love to hear what others are planning!
     
  2. Siyren

    Siyren Guest

    can't be much help hon sorry, we're giving bub OH's name x
     
  3. MummyBurgo

    MummyBurgo I love my boys x

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    Hi hun. Well when we had our son we gave him my surname I was suffering from PND and had bonding problems so we thought if he had OH's name it wouldnt help me. We since got married and I did take hubbys name so we changed our sons to. Thats just what worked for us its a very personal choice.

    xx
     
  4. firegal

    firegal Well-Known Member

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    That is helpful! It is entirely possible I'm being oversensitive about the whole thing..... does it not bother you at all that you'll have different names?
     
  5. jo_79

    jo_79 Mum 2 Chloe, Sam & Hollie

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    If you arent going to take your oh's name if you get married then i would give baby a double barrelled surname.

    I gave my 1st daughter her dads surname then i left him when she was 9 months old, now at her school and drs just assume i have the same name and always call me Mrs ......
    Its annoying they just assume!
     
  6. faun

    faun Mum to 2 boys and 1 girl

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    I wasn't married when i had my son and i gave him his dads surname we agreed if it was a girl it would have my surname and if it was a boy it would have his so that he could carry on the name when he grew up and had kids himself. I have since split up with my sons father and got married to someone else and it has never been a problem my son loves having a different name most of the time.
     
  7. firegal

    firegal Well-Known Member

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    That's a really good point, about them assuming I have the same surname. If people constantly call me Mrs.... then there's no point in me trying to keep my own identity! Not sure I'll use the "what happens if we split up" reason when trying to push the double barrel option with my OH though, I don't think he'd like that :lol:
     
  8. duffers

    duffers Well-Known Member

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    Man, I had to fight SO hard to keep my own name when we got married. Husband was totally against it. When I raised the idea of double barreling our child's name he hit the roof. We've agreed the baby can have my surname (Hartridge) as a middle name and his (Chambers) as a surname.

    As an aside, I was worrying that I might have problems at passport control if the baby and I did not sare a name in some form. Not sure if that's true but it sure worked as leverage during the argument...
     
  9. MummyBurgo

    MummyBurgo I love my boys x

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    Or give LO your surname and then if you marry you can change it to his by re registering his/her birth. Just a option.
     
  10. LucyEmma

    LucyEmma Well-Known Member

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    Were giving OH surname because we plan to get married after baby is born and i will take his surname.
    I had a baby with my ex and i gave her his surname i regret it now because we lost her at 20 weeks and hes not botherd about her at all anymore :( thats the only reason i regret it.
     
  11. lola

    lola Guest

    I am married and have taken my hubbies name but we are chosing to double barrell after Poppy's birth as I am the last child on my side of the family and we want to carry on my surname as well.....so we're creating our own! I guess do whatever feels right for you, my unmarried friends daughter is double barrelled and they retain there own names.
     
  12. firegal

    firegal Well-Known Member

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    I REALLY don't think OH would go for that unfortunately, he's quite precious about wanting to carry on the family name. Despite the fact that if it's a girl and they follow tradition, the family name carrying on won't last for long... !
     
  13. NuttyJester

    NuttyJester Brand new little boy! :o)

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    Can't vote as we're struggling with this one! Not married, no intention of being (wouldn't take his name anyway, I've already got one thank you!) due to different beliefs.

    Ours, I thought, would be easy... we've both got common/simple surnames, e.g. Black and Smith... so I just assumed (e.g.) Blacksmith! OH hates it, would rather have either of our names than 'make one up which is completely unlike either of ours, the baby wouldn't feel like it belonged to either of us'. Him saying that then made me point out on that basis, if it had Black, it wouldn't feel like it belonged to Smith, and vice versa.

    He'd like his surname, 'mums give life, dads give their name' which is a sweet idea, but we're closer to my family than his, and both families know this, so it'd feel like a kick in the teeth for my family I feel.

    Honestly, I could take pregnancy lasting months longer than it does if it gave us enough time to sort this one out... reading everyone's replies with keen interest!

    Might just go with 'the Great' or something!!
     
  14. sweetcheeks85

    sweetcheeks85 Well-Known Member

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    Going to give bubba OH surname, we are hoping to get married soon after the baby arrives nyways and i will take his name. x
     
  15. firegal

    firegal Well-Known Member

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    :rofl: Now that's a good idea!!!!
     
  16. xGemx

    xGemx Mum of Two x

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    My first son has a different biological father to my now partner so he has my name. Therefore this baby will also have my name. I don't want my children to differ. If however Jake decides to pull his finger out of his bottom and propose, then we'll ALL take his name! If his family don't like it then it's too bad really, if he wants us to all have his name badly enough then he'll propose! (que wicked cackle)
     
  17. Aidedhoney

    Aidedhoney Mum of Nats & Alex

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    I am giving mine both surnames but will use OH one as the surname if that makes sense!!
    xx
     
  18. Neon

    Neon Well-Known Member

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    I'm not married and really want to use a double barrel but it would be long and DPs family say it's unfair on the child to have to write all that. Slightly disagree as I had to learn how to spell my middle name (Gabrielle).
    I really don't want to give DPs and I don't want to use the middle name as my surname!

    So that's not really helpful :dohh:
     
  19. Rebaby

    Rebaby Mum to 2 boys

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    OH and i aren't married and not planning to be. Initially i thought right away that LO would have OH's surname...because i am not super close with my family and because i actually like his surname better than my own! But the more i think about it the more torn i feel. There is nothing wrong with my name, my Dad was the only boy of 4 and had no boys himself so if LO doesn't get my family name then that is the end of the line...also i have a different surname to my Mum and to two of my siblings (due to my Mum re-marrying and then divorcing for a 2nd time!) and i hate the confusion and the presumption that comes with everyone having a different name.

    So now we are considering using both surnames for our LO, if we can come up with a name that suits that combination that is! To make matters even more complicated, if we have a boy i actually like my surname as a male first name!

    Argh! :hissy: So many decisions!

    Hope you come to one you are happy with
    :hug:
     
  20. firegal

    firegal Well-Known Member

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    Neon, it is helpful - at least I know I'm not alone with this dilemma!!
     

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