TTCinBC
Mum of a girl and boy
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2011
- Messages
- 7,672
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So today was our ultrasound. We found out we're having a boy. I feel horrible because I can't help but be disappointed. Up until a few weeks ago I hadn't really thought it was a girl or a boy, but then I suddenly felt like it was a girl and I was so excited about that! We already have a 4 year old DD and I was excited to have another little girl. DH didn't care either way what we were having.
Ironically, in the start of the pregnancy and even before, I would always say I wanted a boy because then we'd have one of each in case we decide to not have anymore. And I felt like that all the way up until about a month ago.
Today when the tech told us she's leaning towards boy, my heart sank. I feel like a horrible mother. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling these things and it's not fair of me to wish my baby was something it's not.
Of course DH is over the moon, and I've been putting on a fake smile all day for him and everyone else because I don't want them to know what I'm actually thinking. It's not my baby's fault he's a boy, and I know I will love him no matter what, but I can't but help wish he was a she.
I just can't seem to get excited about it. And today I've decided that I hate the name we picked for a boy, and my DH has his heart set on it because it's after his dad. I guess part of me agreed to it because I just "knew" we were having a girl anyways.
I was looking at some clothes for him this evening and I started having a little panic attack. I've been having them about baby stuff in general and haven't bought much of anything, but I figured as soon as we knew what LO was, then it would be easier. But nope, definitely not easier.
Sigh...will it get easier and will I become more excited about it?
Ironically, in the start of the pregnancy and even before, I would always say I wanted a boy because then we'd have one of each in case we decide to not have anymore. And I felt like that all the way up until about a month ago.
Today when the tech told us she's leaning towards boy, my heart sank. I feel like a horrible mother. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling these things and it's not fair of me to wish my baby was something it's not.
Of course DH is over the moon, and I've been putting on a fake smile all day for him and everyone else because I don't want them to know what I'm actually thinking. It's not my baby's fault he's a boy, and I know I will love him no matter what, but I can't but help wish he was a she.
I just can't seem to get excited about it. And today I've decided that I hate the name we picked for a boy, and my DH has his heart set on it because it's after his dad. I guess part of me agreed to it because I just "knew" we were having a girl anyways.
I was looking at some clothes for him this evening and I started having a little panic attack. I've been having them about baby stuff in general and haven't bought much of anything, but I figured as soon as we knew what LO was, then it would be easier. But nope, definitely not easier.
Sigh...will it get easier and will I become more excited about it?