Found out we are having a boy yesterday....

[Twag]

and DH is not happy this is our 1st and forever DH and I (although I have come around to the idea now) have wanted a girl - we had names picked out all we have ever discussed is our baby girl and we are having a boy

DH has said he has no interest in a boy he cannot bond with a boy he feels cheated like fate hates him!

I don't know what I can do to help DH bond or want to bond with baby and tbh it worries me and scares me

Any advice would be great

 

[Louise88]

I had a similar problem with my oh with our first, he really wanted a son, especially as a first child. So much so he did nothing but convince himself we were having a boy in his head there was no way we could be having a girl and it never even crossed his mind that our baby could be a girl, and when we found out that we were having a girl he took it really hard he didn't talk to me for 2 days. He remained un excited about the remaining of the pregnancy he was still clinging on hope that our baby would magically grow a willy but it was very obvious at the scan that our baby was defiantly a girl! When I gave birth though it all changed this baby he was so un excited about because she was a girl he actually shed tears of joy for the second she was placed in his arms for the first time.

Fast forward 15 months and I can honestly say they have the most amazing bond, in the mornings she shouts for him, her first smiles, laughs were all to him, she runs to him every morning when comes downstairs and will cuddle up to him on the sofa and watches cbeebies with him. He loves her so much and I know if he could go back in time and choose either to have our daughter or away for a boy he'd choose our daughter everytime. The daughter he didnt think he wanted has turned into the most amazing and biggest blessing his life

Your oh may remain dissapointed for the remaining of the pregnancy but I promise you it will change once your beautiful boy is here a bond between a baby and its parents is stronger then anything and once that bond is established your oh will be happy and in love with his son.

 

[Twag]

Thank you this has really helped

 

[maybebaby3]

I'm sure when his son is born he will feel differently!

 

[Twag]

Thank you ladies DH has already started to come around to the idea & knows he just needs to deal with it as it is what it is and he is having a son so needs to embrace it

 

[jenniferttc1]

He will come around, and once baby is born the gender will no longer matter.

 

[allforthegirl]

Just remember to allow him to grieve for that gender he was hoping for. He will get another chance at it one day. And as the other pp said he will love this one, but the disappointment can be very hard for men to get over. So just be patient and understanding with him.

 

[Twag]

So DH still isn't any better I feel so alone in the pregnancy he has absolutely no interest in baby at all he will not go near my bump, when I try to tell him updates on him kicking or midwife appointments it is like talking to a brick wall

He says he doesn't care about the child he is mine - he is right he is mine but he is ours and needs both of us and to say you don't care is just so heartless I seriously never thought I would hear such words from him it breaks my heart

I am so jealous of my friends who husbands were excited, touch belly's, go buy stuff with them all the things couples should do together when they are expecting - I totally feel like he is ruining this pregnancy for me and I am petrified that he will not be any better once our baby boy arrives

 

[allforthegirl]

Oh love I am so sorry!! Sounds like he needs someone to talk to. I know that with my first with my first DH we lost all connections with my DH. We became very distant, he was having a hard time adjusting too. Not because of GD but more because of just being a father. He did end up changing his cue to the baby but it took a lot longer for us. I hope that he eventually will come around. It is not easy either way.

 

[Katt36]

My husband was disapointed to hear we are having another boy. We both shared the dream of having a little girl. My husband seems distant sometimes as well but he doesn't say the things your husband is saying. I am very concerned to hear your husband is saying these things to you. It seems a bit emotionally abusive and cold. I understand the huge impact of gender disapoinment as I am suffering myself through it. However there is a healthy and not so healthy way to cope and to discuss these things. Maybe you should both go see a therapist and work through these things. I really hope it gets better.

 

[Katt36]

So DH still isn't any better I feel so alone in the pregnancy he has absolutely no interest in baby at all he will not go near my bump, when I try to tell him updates on him kicking or midwife appointments it is like talking to a brick wall

He says he doesn't care about the child he is mine - he is right he is mine but he is ours and needs both of us and to say you don't care is just so heartless I seriously never thought I would hear such words from him it breaks my heart

I am so jealous of my friends who husbands were excited, touch belly's, go buy stuff with them all the things couples should do together when they are expecting - I totally feel like he is ruining this pregnancy for me and I am petrified that he will not be any better once our baby boy arrives

He is ruining the pregnancy for you and it's selfish!!! Sorry had to add that. I tried to respond on a positive note but your husband needs a swift kick in his butt!!!

 

[MonyMony]

Agree that talking to someone, not you, would be helpful for your husband. A therapist would help get to root of problem, as in why is he so afraid to have a son? I know my father was happy to have all girls because in a lot of ways that relieved the pressure on him to be a good "manly" role model, something he didn't really have growing up. So it really could be less about the baby and you, and more about your husband and his own issues.

 

[Twag]

He says he doesn't know what to do with a boy, how to bond with it etc I mean I don't understand he is a boy, he has a good relationship with his Dad

He is having issues at the moment and I think he is suffering some sort of depression it is not only the baby he is negative about also our new house, our new car, himself everything really - he has a Dr's appointment tomorrow so I am hoping we can start to go in some sort of direction to get him help!

I know when he says those things he doesn't mean them as I know he would never want a child to feel unloved - but it upsets me and worries me especially as my biological father left my mother because I was a girl and not a boy and so it has always been something that has played on my mind

 

[onceisenough1]

Sounds like my husband. Our first was a boy and I was crushed. HE was really happy though and we went shopping, he got anything I was craving, he sang to my bump, etc...

Now, I am having a girl and he doesn't seem interested at all. I try to tell him how many weeks she is and he just nods or grunts or goes back to the internet. He doesn't try to feel her kick unless I ask him too. When I say she'll be so cute he says "most likely."

I feel like I am being ripped off. I am getting a daughter I tried for for 7 years and he can't even be excited. All he does is complain about money when I want to shop. I am not working so I feel I can't speak up and I feel just awful.

Ugh. Wow sorry didn't meant to vent on your thread it just kinda came out!!

 

[Batman909]

Maybe get him to think about all the things he will get to teach his son. Those father and son times. I don't know what your husband enjoys but things like camping and fishing trips building tree huts and sports. My boys have so much fun with their dad. Dads the one who says yes when mum says no haha I'm sure he will come around when baby is born. Hope things get better for the two of you x

 

[Misscalais]

I think that's really selfish of your husband.
Though I'm sure once he has a cuddle of his baby for the 1st time things will change
My hubby wanted a girl too ( both times ) but we have two boys lol! And he loves them to death.
Now we are pregnant with number three ( which was a big surprise after TTC 12 mths and falling pregnant when we stopped TTC using the withdrawal method! ) he obviously wants a girl but hasn't said anything at all yet.

 

[Julia35]

I'm sorry, but your husband sounds really juvenile with his response. Disappointment is one thing but neglect is abuse.

Has his attitude changed at all?