Freaking out here. This is a long one, sorry :(

[treschic81]

I have posted here before, but it was a long time ago, so ill start by saying hello to everyone

I have 2 kids that I adore and have always wanted one more. My dh has been open to having another, but never super into it. He would always say things like "one day we will" or "I'm not saying no, I'm just nervous". I havt been on the pill for months and we've just been using spermicide. I know it's not super effective, but I was obviously ok with that

The past couple of months there were several times when we dtd that we didn't use anything and dh knew this. He is normally PARANOID about it, asking me before we start if I put it in. I took this to mean that he was ok with getting pg...I'll be honest and say he never said that, but that I assumed. I've been keeping track (without charting or opk) of my cycle by just paying attention to my body and writing things down, just to know what's going on. I thought I was goin to O on the 18th...and we had dtd on the 14th. I went away and came home the 19th, and we dtd that night. I didn't think I would get pg because I know it's rare for sperm to live 4 days. On the 20th I had pretty intense cramps that I now think was O. I hadn't thought too much about it until today when I saw brownish pink spotting when I wiped. I am due for AF on 10/4, so I'm thinking it could be IB. I would LOVE to be pregnant, but the past couple of days dh has been acting like he's going through an early mid life crisis or something. We had our 1st very young (he was conceived on the pill) and our 2nd was a surprise as my doc told me I wasn't O'ing. Long story short, the last time i was pregnant it was very stressful and things were very strained between us, So now I'm afraid I misread him and that he would NOT be happy if I was pregnant. I just don't think I can go through that again, and I feel so irresponsible for being lax with my birth control.

When I saw that spotting today I felt sick. I just don't know how to feel. I'm sorry if I sound insensitive to all you ladies that are trying so hard, and I don't even know what I want anyone to say, I just had to tell someone. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.

Thanks so much to anyone who read this...i know it was long!

 

[sammy1205]

First, it is BOTH of your responsibility to be sure you are covered, not just the woman. Secondly spermacide, is NOT very trust worthy for NOT TTC, so that is all I would tell him, if you get a BFP. Men freak out, even if they are TTC, in their minds, we think baby and all the fun stuff, they think another person to be responsible for/support etc, it is a normal reaction. If you do get a BFP, it takes 2 to tango, you didn't trap him. Also as you know even take the pill does NOT guarantee not getting pregnant. I also conceived DD on the pill, I took it correctly, and KNOW what interfers with its effectiveness. I also had a twin ectopic this year, and they think d/t the pill is why it went ectopic, because it was right at the end of the tube, just a little more and it would have went where it should've. Abstainence is the only 100%, as far is BC goes. Good luck.

 

[treschic81]

Thank you so much for replying. You are so right. He knew full well that we didn't use anything, i just hope that if I am pregnant he won't freak out too much. We've been in a really good place lately and I'm so afraid to go back to where we were...especially if we have a baby onthe way. I'm probably not pregnant, and I'm freaking out for no reason but I'm so glad to have gotten that off my chest. Thanks again for being the voice of reason.

 

[Miaowzen]

I've had the same with my hubby. We had a 3 month NICU ordeal after I had a premmie at 25 weeks. DH flat out refused to ever have kids again and he would be paranoid about contraception. Eventually he started getting less paranoid and since I wanted baby I would let it be when we "forgot"... Had a few scares but didn't get pregnant. Each time i had a scare DH was moody and upset but I think he started getting used to the idea. This year we have been almost ttc as long as I don't tell him when I'm fertile. It didn't work though, I never put my legs up as it would be obvious. Last month he finally agreed to start timing BD with me properly. Yay!!!

The thing I am trying to say here is that the blokes have their own emotional worries that can prevent them from being comfortable to BD. If the contraception is lax I'm sure they know it, but they are testing the waters a little on the comfortable days.

 

[treschic81]

Your dh sounds very much like mine! It's been the same for us, that I don't say anything when we "forget"

I just hope he doesn't ruin my excitement and happiness if I am Pregnant

 

[Miaowzen]

He would probably freak out, go to work and come home late, give you silent treatment for a day or two and then eventually suggest a baby name. When that happens it will be fine. Good luck

 

[arlosmama]

Good luck...I would however like to point out that you conceived you're first one on the pill...so that is very indicative that BC is not 100% effective and he clearly knows that since #1 was conceived on BC...so using spermicide isn't as effective as the pill taken consistently and on time. The best thing you can do is just try and relax (don't you hate when people say that?) and see what comes during testing time. I know it is hard to not worry...but if you get your BFP you both will deal with it...you are a working unit...and you will be fine! Good luck to you...

 

[wendywoo]

Men are not like us 1 single bit lol mine is in the army and refused to try for another one. Coz he says he will miss it all the this time coz he's off to afgan in march but wen I told him about me being late this time he was moody but now he's worst than me lol its got to the point we're he's stood outside the loo wen I went shouting thro the door HAVE U COME ON YET ? I hope not! and talkin about names I'm like I'm tryin to have a wee GO AWAY lol so I wud jus say give him time he will cum round x

 

[MrsMouse]

Hi treschic81

sounds like you and me are in similar situations at the moment. Hubby swears he doesnt want another baby but we've had a moment this month where we dtd without condoms. he didnt realised i ovulated the next day!

Since then didnt think nothing of it - took us 6 months to conceive our son and that was bd'ing more than your average rabbit! Anyhow my son is suddenly cutting down on his breastfeeding in the last week - he was still doing 20-30 min feeds at bed time, now 5 mins if i'm lucky but i'm not engorged at all. My IBS is playing up again and it hasnt since i was first expecting my son, i nearly fainted in one of my client's houses last week and I keep getting waves of sickness come over me. So needless to say I'm starting to think i might need to test!

cant remember exactly when i'm due on although its some point between friday and sunday this weekend, the other twist to this is that i had super low hcg levels in my urine and blood when expecting my son, and wouldn't have had a positive properly until around 12 weeks so i cant even guarantee if i tested and i was pregnant that I would actually get a bfp!

what bugs me most is that one moment he's gushing over a newborn baby in the high street, then he's saying "don't even think about it". We went through a rough time when jamie was born with adjusting to being parents and although i would love to have a baby i really dont want to go back to that "dark place" we were in.

oh well - i suppose time will tell for both of us - just know that i'm here if you wanna pm me at all

Mrs mouse

 

[Miaowzen]

DH and I had big fight last night. This was our first month where I told him I was fertile, put my legs up and all that. Previously he had been wanting to DTD twice every day but I still hadn't got pregnant o I thought maybe it was because I didn't have legs up.

Anyway, because I was keeping him informed of my tww and he thought I was pregnant he became terrified (we lost our baby 2 years ago) and stopped having sex altogether. Then recently he wanted to DTD again but I was bleeding a little each day despite having my temps up and I felt really fragile and didn't want that area getting bumped.

So he lost his temper and said well you're probably pregnant so you can be happy now, but I'm never going to be happy again! He wants to DTD at least twice a day every day and feels that if I get pregnant it will get in the way of it for him

He storms off like this regularly, must be a huge insecurity for him. Now I am not sure if I can tell him when I am fertile this month last month when I did it took him 2 hours as he got so stressed

But I am out this month, almost 30 and I wanted one for the last 4 years!

 

[Miaowzen]

Wanted a baby that is!!!

Why do men only think about the sex bit? I tried comforting him and saying we will still have sex, but I think he worries that his desire to DTD so frequently may have been a cause of my premature labour last time.

 

[GD29]

My OH sees sex as something I have to enjoy, If I'm not in the mood he whines for a bit then goes quiet and becomes more and more affectionate over the days until he gets his way. Honestly I feel like I'm writing about a dog somedays (sorry darling) maybe he thinks he's a dog, woof but at least he waits until i'm ready.
Yours must have a very high sex drive and its making him frustrated hence aggressive. Get him a porn mag to try and keep him quiet.
Or maybe he just carn't get enough of you you tell me

 

[treschic81]

I know what you mean...I'm so sorry for your loss. I had pre term labor with my 1st and even tho everything turned out fine, when I got pg with my 2nd he was so paranoid about sex, thinking it was his fault the first time so he wouldnt touch me. It made things so strained and made me feel like crap. Our sex life is so great right now, I think we're both afraid we'll go back to that if I ge pg again. I'm just generally really stressed and have such mixed feelings about it. I want another baby so bad, but I'm really afraid of what it'll do to our relationship.

 

[Miaowzen]

Yes, my DH gets a bit aggressive due to his sex drive. The rest of the time he is a darling, loves kittens and puppies and cuddles and wakes me up each day to daily sqeeees. So cute. We have some difficulty at times because he has not been able to reign in his aggression on a couple of occasions and our sex life has suffered. He has such a high sex drive, and I am prone to dryness, thrush, low CP, the whole lot so he is always held back by me.

 

[Miaowzen]

Tres chic, I am sorry you went through a similar ordeal

I am sure we will have problems when I do eventually get pregnant but will need to deal with them as they arrive. I think we both got some PTSD as we were in NICU for 3 months and the news got progressively worse, and then to top it all off his mother disowned him for staying married to me, and made our life extra hell in th meantime. We both get nightmares and flashbacks. He's been through a hard slog and I know he loves me, he's just so darn horny!!! And only for me, no mag or porno or hanging out for a bit longer in the shower.