Friend due at the same time had a MC :(

[JumpingIn]

I feel terrible...There we were posting pictures from scans, doppler videos, celebrations as we finally announced...and I had no idea

We have some friends who are the sweetest couple you could ever know and were trying for a long time to get their little one. They told us at 8 weeks and I couldn't believe we'd conceived in the same week!

Fast forward to now and I noticed they'd been quiet...I offered them use of our doppler and got no reply. I feel like an insensitive fool I found out today they had a MC.

Now my fb page is sitting there glaring back at me looking like self-indulgent drivel, and what a smack in the face it must be for them, and also now I'm worried again about our little precious thing

Should I delete my posts? It feels like it's gone too far for that...I definitely wont be posting any more for a long time.

Has anyone else had a friend who had a MC? I sent a comforting message but they are understandably just distraught and I'm the last person they want to hear from.

 

[george83]

Bless you for feeling bad just shows what a good friend you are. I haven't been in the same situation but I have had a mc and yes it is hard to deal with pregnant friends you should also know it isn't anything personal so don't take it that way. I'm sure they are devastated and while they possibly won't want to hear everything I'm sure when they think logically they won't want you to not enjoy your pregnancy.

 

[zorak]

Don't change anything now but this is the v reason I hate seeing scan pics etc on Facebook . Having come out the other side of LTTC I'm incredibly mindful of how unintentionally insensitive that stuff can be.

 

[smoore]

I was your friend nearly two years ago.

My son was stillborn around 30 weeks. I had multiple friends at the time that were due around the same time (within a few weeks) of when my son was due. It was super hard. It was really hard to not be bitter, like a daily struggle. I had to hide some of them on FB to keep from seeing their constant updates.. and complaints. It killed me to see them complaining about pregnancy or being tired after birth. I would have given my right arm to be able to go through those "problems."

Please be gentle with her. It sounds like you are being. You have to remember she didn't just lose her pregnancy, she lost all the dreams and future that went with it. Your pregnancy and baby will remind her of what her life should be for a long time. It is just hard.

Thank you for thinking of her! I wouldn't delete things. I wouldn't feel like you need to "filter yourself" too much.. she will likely filter you if she feels it is too much (hide you). However, I would be cautious about petty complaints, etc.

I hope you take all of this gentle advice for what it is from someone who has been there. I don't want you to think I'm being critical of you!

 

[zorak]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound as critical as I did. Hormones!

 

[smoore]

I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound as critical as I did. Hormones!

It's hard.

I cringe every time I see someone announcing at like 4 weeks, etc. Because, I know all that can go wrong. I get it. Huge hugs. Again, it's hard!

 

[Christina86]

I wouldn't stop posting but just watch what you do post for a while. I had a classmate who announced on Facebook when she was 5 weeks. I was a bit a head of her. Her and I spoke for a while. My first and her third. The following week she wasn't in classes. She had a mc. I felt horrible. I had no idea what to say so I just stayed quiet. I asked her how she was doing but never brought up my pregnancy. She has asked me since and has given advice but I let her bring it up. I'm not a big post stuff on FB about my pregnancy anyway so if I sent anything to family it was always a group chat deal instead of public.

 

[mjemma]

I had a miscarriage in June and my best friend was one week ahead of me and is due to give birth in January.

It was very hard to begin with as every time she hit a milestone I thought 'that should be me' and although I was very excited for her it was painful. It eased over time and, even before I found out I was pregnant again I was happy to hear about her pregnancy again.

You don't need to take anything down from FB but it is hard to see (was harder when I was LTTTC) Let her take her own time to come to terms with it. She will probably want to avoid you for a while but that's natural and nothing to do with you. She will process it in her own way.

It's good you are thinking about her feelings. The best thing you can do for her is just enjoy your healthy pregnancy and remember how lucky you are xx

 

[claireanddaz]

for me it was my friend who announced her pregnancy at the time of my ectopic. I dont mind my friend posting pictures and things on facebook i cant say it doesnt bother me when i see pictures of her nursery or baby clothes she's bought it makes me sad but ive just got to deal with that. We would be due around the same time, what does annoy me is when she tells me she is not bothered about this pregnancy and cant get excited! She should think before saying that infont of me!

 

[SmartieMeUp]

I'm in the exact same boat as you.

My SIL was pregnant, and she was due 2 days after me (by guesses) but it turned out she was a lot earlier than what she thought. She announced it on FB within 2 weeks of finding out and then it turned out she had a molar pregnancy and in fact 3 weeks behind me. It's put me off from announcing my pregnancy and even showing any excitement. I just want to protect her from having it rubbed in her face so to speak, but my consideration is being thrown back at me.

It's caused a lot of tension with me, OH and the in-laws.

 

[Aniri83]

I think it depends on your friend, I had to go though termination for medical reasons in May, I was 18 weeks pregnant. Exactly at that time my friend found out that she is pregnant and to be honest I couldn't been happier for her... the only thing is that I want her to be careful with her happiness because I know how wrong it can all go but I keep it to myself as I don't want to ruin her happiness.