Friends :(

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by leighbaby, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. leighbaby

    leighbaby yummy mummy

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    This is a rant I'm afraid. So look away now if you are feeling rubbish too!

    I met OH through a really good friend. She is marrying OH's brother this summer.

    Ever since OH and I got together (she set us up!) she has been really off with us.

    She is always saying how we never see each other and need to make more effort - but they NEVER reply to our invitations and if they do reply with a yes - they cancel at the last minute! I texted them 3 weekends on the trot not long ago - and neither of them bothered to reply to any texts!

    I feel really bad for OH because he worships his little bro and I can see it gets to him.

    (For me it isn't so bad because my brothers and I see each other whenever/wherever and it is never a drama!)

    Anyways- when we told them I was preggo - October time - they stopped going to family dinners at OH parent's and we have barely seen them - she NEVER comes to anything anymore.

    They have also said that NO children WHATSOEVER are allowed to their wedding, but our LO could potentially only be 2-3 weeks old :( MIL and FIL are really mad about this, and have said that if LO isn't going they wont either. But I don't want my LO to be the cause of a family arguement when we should all be happy!!!

    Now - she has refused to reply to any of my messages about her postcode - so my friend can send her an invititation to my baby shower - so I've messaged her loads and today she messaged back saying she was too busy to come.

    I'm really sad because we used to be such good mates and I didn't mean for her to get upset about me and OH getting together and I didn't get preggo on purpose either.

    I think I'm having a hormonal day...:cry:
     
  2. bugalugs

    bugalugs Mummy to Megan xxx

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    :hugs:oh sweetie, that sounds so sad:cry:
    It sounds to me like she is jealous, but why people are like this I don't know, it's such a shame:hugs:
    I won't say leave them to it as it does hurt when they mean so much to you & OH. Maybe you could ring her instead of texting & ask her to meet you for a cuppa? Or write her a letter letting her know how much she means to you & that you don't want to miss her big day?:hugs:
     
  3. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    gosh
    i can see her point re: babies and HER wedding... at the end of the day... HER day HER rules. don't really agree with the parents wanting to bycott.. think that would just cause more drama tbh.

    how awful and rude of her re: your shower! seriously what a bitch, sorry if that offended you!

    sounds like shes jelous tbh.

    id try and talk to her upfront, just get it all out in the open.maybe you have done something and not realised? if that didn't work i'd be very very inclined to think 'eff you then' you don't need people like that in your life, she's a future sister in law, but that don't mean to say you have to always hang out/be around her, you have enoughto think about with your little one without her attitude. you don't mention the brother being like her, so just focus on him and rest of your lovers family. sounds petty but i would honestly do that, last thing you want or need when you have a new baby is hassell, so i'd just keep away from her. hormones/tiredness/cranky babies sure do take it outta you!

    xXx
     
  4. faille

    faille Mummy & WTT

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    :hugs:
    It sounds really odd that she set you up and then she's off with you both???

    Hun, it sounds like you've done your far share of trying to make time for her but if she won't reply to you then there's not much you can do. I can't see that you've done anything wrong - she just sounds incredibly jealous!!

    I dunno what to advise about your OH as it's his brother, and altho it sucks to loose what was once a good friend, I think you need to start thinking about yourself and your LO and leave the ball in her court.

    And neither you or your LO will be the cause of a family argument regarding the wedding - *she* will.

    You don't need shit from someone like that at this time hun.. :hugs:
     
  5. Missy85

    Missy85 Well-Known Member

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    She sounds very childish and petty!

    I have never understood why people do this, so unfair to put people in this position...

    dont have any good advice really hun but big hugs!!
     
  6. leeanne

    leeanne Mom of 3 and Stepmom of 2

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    :hug:

    Strange that she set you both up and is now being strange about it all.

    What the heck is her problem?
     
  7. purple_socks

    purple_socks Guest

    oh dear that all sounds really crappy

    I know at our wedding we tried to encourage people not to bring their kids (its prob a selfish thing to do but we wanted guests to have fun and let their hair down not worry about kids) but when it came to my sister and OH's sister we totally supported them bring their kids coz every potential babysitter was at the wedding 2! plus we're close to our nephews and wanted them to b there too...ur LO would b family too!
    i think she's being spiteful and she clearly has some issues!

    i think u should talk to her asap about it all before it spirals out of control...u'll end up hated forever if parents don't go to wedding to side with u. maybe write her a letter if u find it hard to say it face to face. sure it can't hurt to get ur feelings out there...she can't get worse surely?

    Hope u resolve it soon

    xxx
     
  8. Emsy26

    Emsy26 Mum of 4 & Wife-To-Be xx

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    :hug:

    Like others said, it's a bit strange that she set you up, now is being off with you. Jealousy perhaps?

    Can't your OH talk to his brother and ask his brother to talk to her?
    you have made enough attempts hunny, and if this doesn't work, I'd give up and let her come to you. xox
     
  9. Kimboowee

    Kimboowee Complete

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    I can't see why they wouldn't want your baby there when he/she will be family, i can understand other ppls kids though.

    She sounds like she's jealous, i feel really sorry for your OH. could he maybe have a chat with his bro and see whats up?? xx
     
  10. leighbaby

    leighbaby yummy mummy

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    Thanks ladies. About a year after OH and I got together she apologised for being funny and said that they felt like I'd taken OH away from them and that she was jealous (not he), but that it was all ok now because they could see he was like a different person - a happier one!

    I know it is their wedding and I get that it is their choice whether babies/kids come or not, but it means that OH (best man) will be under pressure to do his best man stuff and help me with LO. I feel awful that MIL and FIL have said thay wont go either. To be honest - I probably wont be up for a whole day and night of wedding activities and don't mind leaving LO with my mum and dad for a couple of hours - going to ceremony - and then come back to LO.

    I hate any form of confrontation and really want to smooth everything over - but she always declines my offers to meet up - even when I offer to go to her town so its no hassle for her.

    I'm just gutted that she isn't excited for me, OH and LO - from a friends point of view.

    I also think I'm am being over sensitive today though, I have a such a head ache and am soooo teary!

    Thanks again.

    I have just text her. Hope she replies with a positive.
     
  11. purple_socks

    purple_socks Guest

    i hope she does too x x x
     
  12. Dukechick

    Dukechick Wife & proud Mom of 2

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    I hope things work out for ya. It does sound like jealousy to me. I can't believe she said she's too busy to come to your shower. She still better buy you something!! lol.....

    As for the wedding..... we said no kids at ours, but when they're under 2 years, we said that was okay. The reason we didn't want kids, was so they weren't running around like a bunch of little brats. If your baby cries, you simply walk out of the room! It's a new born baby for crying out loud! Sheeesh.

    I hope she replies to your text, and you can work things out. I think she's being pretty childish.

    xx
     
  13. sezzlebum

    sezzlebum Guest

    just a thought but is there anyway she might have been pregnant and lost it? just might explain why shes not happy and excited for you.

    other than that some people are just twatbags and theres no point stressing yourself about it, youve done all you can.
    leave it now, let her come back to you if she was that good of a friend in the first place she'll realise what shes doing and that shes wrong.

    just my humble opinion hugs
     
  14. 2nd time mum

    2nd time mum Well-Known Member

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    Friends! Re. the wedding to an extent you can see her point as it is her day but why not allow family kids to the wedding only and not everyone's kids. I am kinda in the same position there with a family wedding in August that no kids are allowed to, problem is it is down in the borders. No way am I going to that, if closer to home then different but i would just freak being so far away in case of an emergency.

    I have a "friend" who has also turned strange with me. Just before xmas she said she would call me and visit to exchange gifts for our kids. No phone call. Then came my son's birthday - ignored. This was the 2nd year on the trot she missed it out so I thought I would wait and see how long it would take her to contact me. She has appeared once since week before xmas. I am also minding furniture for her in my garage and asked if she would be able to get it out as we are to convert the garage. GUess what nothing again!

    I am lucky as at least she is not family so I can really live without people like this in my life to be honest.

    Don't let her bother you. She does sound a bit jealous.

    Good luck
     
  15. mama2b

    mama2b Mummy & TTC

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    I think you should try ringing her & leave voicemail if necessary or send her a text and basically ask what the problem is.

    It does sound like there is some jealousy involved along the way.

    I do understand about the wedding thing as before I got pregnant I always said when I got married I didn't want children there, even though I know it would cause a massive fuss as there are lots of children in both our families obviously now im having a baby will have to change that rule lol

    My friend is getting married in a few months and I said I wouldn't take baby but she absolutley insisted which is typical as I actually decided it would be better for me and oh not to have baby there as means one of us can't drink. In the end I decided would take baby to wedding and then ohs mum will collect baby before the evening do.
     
  16. kaykay

    kaykay Well-Known Member

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    sounds to me that shes incredibly jealous.. think maybe u should tell her how u feel (tricia goddard moment) hope everything works out for u.x
     
  17. leighbaby

    leighbaby yummy mummy

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    We saw BIL a couple of weeks ago and he said that they will prob try for kids as soon as they are married because they have decided that that they would rather do that than live abroad for a year (their original plan). I don't think she has been preg and lost it...OH and I certainly haven't been told. I really hope they do have babies soon - then our LO's can play!

    She hasn't replied to my text yet anyway...I'm feeling better about it though and think I will just keep texting etc and offering to help/chat/catch up.

    At least I'll know that I haven't gone out of my way to cause any bad feelings and have actually done everything I can to maintain good feelings!

    I'm really sad she isn't coming to the shower though and now feeling guilty because I know MIL will flip when she finds out...:(

    But I have done all I can and I really don't think I can just be upfront with her, I'm too teary. Just hope things change soon.

    It is good to hear that it isn't just me being super sensitive - thanks again!! X
     
  18. navarababe

    navarababe Mummy To Brooke :-)

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  19. buzzy

    buzzy Well-Known Member

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    She sounds enious of you.
    Strange really, as you're having a baby and she's getting married, so you both have BIG, happy events to look forward to!
    However, maybe there is something not quite right in her relationship which is making her unhappy?
    Perhaps she feels unable to talk to you about stuff?

    I'm not making excuses for her as her behaviour is bang out of order. Just thinking aloud, really...
     

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