friendship advice

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by youngmommy2, Nov 15, 2011.

  1. youngmommy2

    youngmommy2 Guest

    I have this friend who was there for me in the beginning of my pregnancy and through all the bullshit with the FOB, and we were good friends before all of this as well. I made her godmother and she was totally on board and there for me 100%.. anyways the past 2 months she has basically dropped out of my life, we have seen each other like twice and its not the same as it used to be. I went to a bar for another friends birthday (didnt drink obv) and i saw this friend there with her other best friend who dislikes me, for no reason. We said hi, and she left with her friend 5 minutes later. I'm over this friendship, but im not confrontational or have the ability to be mean in any way but I need to tell her that she is not god mother anymore. I know she will be attending my baby shower on November 27th and I don't know if I should tell her before or afterwards.. any advice?
     
  2. xAmiixLouisex

    xAmiixLouisex Mommy! <3

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    I've found I've lost most my friends during pregnancy. I had some good friends who stuck around and were really there for me, but past month or so they seem to have disappeared too. Still got a couple of friends left, but I'm not counting on anyone for next 5 months.

    I have no idea how to tell her though. I'd take the whimps way out and just not mention it and hope during the following months she realises you've drifted and she probably wont be Godmother anymore. But, I'm crap at stuff like that. Hope someone has a better answer :dohh:
     
  3. AveryATL

    AveryATL Well-Known Member

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    Being a friend to someone that has some issues can be an incredibly draining thing - maybe she needed a break? It doesn't mean that you can't be friends, but maybe she just doesn't have it in her to be that kind a friend for you. Selecting a god-parent for your child is a big deal, and one that you need to think long and hard about. PARTICULARLY if you are young, choosing a friend who may not really be ready, suitable or financially capable of the responsibility of bringing up someone else's baby is very real. Being a god-parent is a huge responsibility, and one that should be given to the person who would truly be the best parent for your child, if you something should, god-forbid, happen to you or the FOB. Either your friend really is a good fit, or she isn't - but it isn't an honorary title - it a real commitment for the future of your child. Honestly, if she isn't a good fit, she may be relieved that you aren't picking her. But you don't need to tell her before the shower, if you are afraid it will make things uncomfortable.
     
  4. luckybreak

    luckybreak Well-Known Member

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    If you decide you dont want her to be a God Mother and you feel the friendship is over then tell her before the baby shower, not really cool to have her buy gift for the baby and then tell her she is not the God mother anymore or perhaps you can use the baby shower to see if you guys reconnect again or totally realize it is over then tell her. Good luck.
     
  5. AveryATL

    AveryATL Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the above poster, IF you think that telling her will destroy your friendship. If you want to preserve your friendship then maybe you want to reach out to her?
     
  6. PegLeg2na

    PegLeg2na Well-Known Member

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    I think you should try to arrange a heart to heart. It might not be easy, but I'm one of those people that HATES beating around the bush or just left hanging, never knowing what really happened. It's better to be straightforward with this kind of stuff...it might sound lame but maybe try to arrange a lunch or coffee or something with her and just ask her honestly if she can see herself still being in your life, either as a friend or godmother. Maybe she did just need some space and maybe her other friend had an issue and convinced your friend to leave the party. I would definitely talk to her before the shower though so she doesn't feel mislead. Hope that helps!

    I had a major falling out with a best friend a few years ago (much worse than your situation!) and it took us a few months to finally be okay enough to even talk about it. We talked about the situation for hours and at the end mutually decided that we just couldn't be friends anymore and I haven't spoken to her since. I still don't know what I did wrong but I'm glad we're clear on not being friends anymore and I feel much better knowing I made an effort to try and understand her point of view. Yes, confrontation sucks but it's much better than not knowing! Good luck! :hugs:
     

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