From the other side...advise pls!

[Newbieplusone]

Hi All,

My OH and l have a beautiful 3 month old daughter. He has 2 children from his previous marriage - going through divorce.

OH drives 4 hours every other Saturday to see them, has them over night and returns at almost midnight on Sunday, which has been the case since we have been together (2 years). His ex has always been funny and during finding out about me/when we moved in together has made it difficult for him to see his kids. Anyway, since Our LO has been around she is getting worse.

This w/end was their cousins naming ceremony and was all planned so the kids could see their family etc. So she text late Friday saying they had plans so he couldn't see the kids - the means our little one can't see her big bro and sis again - she has only meet them once!!

Just to be clear he never pays late, always sticks to his weekends, me and little one give them time with their dad and never, ever do l mention their mother in a bad way. He rents a house that he only stays in 4 nights a month for his kids.

My question is, and maybe this is the wrong place but please can someone tell me why that would stop contact with such a lovely Dad? What could be going through her mind? Obv she knows being a first time Mum is special so why not let me enjoy it with LO siblings?

Sorry if this is the wrong place and really not trying to upset anyone just trying to understand...

Oh and can l just add that she has a baby with someone else too so should of moved on surely...

Thank you!!!

 

[jaytee146]

She's hurting so she wants him to hurt too... and the only way to do that is by using the children as a pawn.

I'm not saying it's right, and personally I think she should be a little more mature about the situation, but it's a lot dealing with the fact that the person you were married to is now happy with another baby on the way and you have two children at home. She's bitter and seems like a little jealous... but hey.. I'm only 23 lol. I hope eventually it gets better for the sake of the children involved.

 

[AbbynChloe]

WSS I think she's hurting - it's not an excuse for sure. I'd never keep Chloe form her dad, however i think i'd find your situation very difficult. I think its not so black and white that she's had another baby and therefore she must have moved on??
I have a feeling there is more to the story - has anyone tried speaking with her? or a mediator?.

Chloe's dad never pays late, but I wish he saw Chloe more than 4 times a month.

I don't think she's actively trying to ruin for you as a first time mum, but i'm sure she's a little bitter??

 

[Newbieplusone]

Haha...no your right just because she has had another baby doesn't mean she moved on emotionally! I just thought after 4 years of being separated she would be more, l don't know...acceepting?!

oh is asking for mediation and trying get a court order - although l heard that doesn't mean much! She asked to meet me and l agreed - I would want to meet the person spending time with my kids but she has not said anything since. I would love to meet for a coffee and talk about if l am the problem; l mean l love seeing the kids and hate to see oh so upset whe he can't see them, if l could help l would. Ultimately it's not about me nor will l get upset about anything directly to me but feel for the kids....

I haven't met her so can't judge her as a person and we all know there are 2 sides to every story!! And more importantly she is not a bad mum, they are loved, polite and happy kids - especially when they are with their Daddy.

I guess it is hard for her but on the same time it is very hard being a new Mum with someone who has kids - l wouldn't change that just feel like it's very one sided and would like her to try seeing it from my view and not make plans for kids when it's his weekend and when my baby had only just entered the world...

You all sound very reasonable and although l don't know your stories l wish you well

R xxx