frustrated beyond belief

[mumtoteen]

hi everyone
I've been stalking these boards for ages but im sooooo fed up this morning I needed to vent.
Anyways bit of background.... im 35 he is 34 I have a 17 year old from previous. My partner was the one who first wanted to start ttc as I had pretty much accepted I was only having the one however now it is all I think about and want.
We have now been ttc for just over a year and the main problem we have is dtd in the fertile window.
I have a good sex drive an pretty much will at any point, he however seams to back right off if I come on to him so I'm stuck in a situation where I have to leave it up to him He does not understand the fertile window AT ALL and month after month he uses all his energy and too early or too late in my cycle.
If I bring it up he gets mega defensive and denies he backs off if I come on to him and insists it will just happen
It doesn't help everyone around me seams to be catching pregnancy and I have woken up this morning with the strongest o pain having not dtd for the past 6 days.
really sorry for blabbing on just needed to get it off my chest! anyone else struggle with their partners just not getting it??
xx

 

[Paloma123]

Yep!! My other half says to me to stop being so "technical", and says sex shouldn't be "regimented"!!! I said to him that you kinda have to be if you wanna catch at the right time, but I think men just think it magically happens anytime lol x

 

[babycometome]

Hi mumtoteen,
Just wanted to say I totally understand. We have been trying coming up to two years now and Ive just had my first round of clomid- heartbroken yet again unfortunately- just in time for christmas! its just horrid. For practically the first year me and OH butted heads, to begin with it was exciting and a new feeling expecting this baby to come. Then as time went on, I got more panicky and desperate and everything was charted, calculated, timed, hips up, no peeing, etc etc etc and on and on it went...and I think he started cracking up with it all in the process. He said exactly the same thing: too regimented, sex shouldnt be planned, why do you have to THINK about it so much, im getting stressed out waiting for sex, its not fun anymore etc etc etc. Well of course I came back with, how can it be fun when you keep pushing against it- dont you want a baby? We obvioulsy arent one of those couples who magically gets pregnant at the drop of a hat- so YES we do have to plan and sit with my legs up and get the stupid timing right. Its not exactly all fun and games for me either! So lol you get the picture. It actually got to a point where I just had to stop and reassess. We were both right- but one of us just had to stop, back off and re-think things. Both of us were getting frustrated and irritated with the other- it wasnt good for either of us or to bring a child into the world in such a mood between us. I think we secretly both started dreading the BD because it was becoming stressful. More often than not we'd have a fight just before and then just push through anyway. Just horrible. So I told him I wanted a break from trying because I couldnt take it emotionally and mentally anymore. I;d be gearing myself up for ovulating that cycle (which was stressful enough as didnt know if i would) only to have an argument with him just when we should be bd-ing and in a positive frame of mind. We took a break for two months I think and lo and behold he started taking an 'interest' all of his own accord again. Tbh after trying for this long, the aggro and pain and let downs and even arguments have made us closer. But I had to back out of his corner for him to realise that I just wanted to take full advantage.When I gave him space, I think it gave him his own space to think that well he had to mentally and emotionally make an effort too. We've met each other half way after that and its eased things alot between us. Dont get me wrong- there is still the occasional cycle where we'll have a blow out, but its nothing as bad as it was. Maybe take a break from it for a while? A year ago I didnt get how sex had turned so sterile (for lack of a better term)- I actually forgot how much fun we used to have and then it morphed into something that just had to be done every other day. Just stop for a month or two- maybe plan a break together, or if thats not feasible- then just enjoy not stressing about it for a while? Youll grind your teeth in the beginning- but itll be worth it I reckon. The first month we stopped, we still actually had sex during the time I would have ovulated (i purposefully didnt test) but it wasnt planned or timed etc. Maybe thats what you both need to get back to each other again? Just a suggestion- I know its not always as simple as that! Good luck!

 

[supersherwolf]

I have exactly the same problem as you and I mean exactly. I pretty much can dtd whenever but my DH can't. He's always tired and refuses to dtd a lot during my fertile window because he just believes when the time is right it will happen. It's extremely frustrating, this process is hard enough without having a partner make it even more difficult.