Frustrated with OH over our new baby.

[Tiffa130]

Firstly, my OH is usually pretty amazing & during pregnancy my only problem was he couldn't keep up to my libido.

Since having LO I've felt
like such a bitch because I keep having to ask him or complain about some pretty obvious stuff.

First thing was I was in the hospital for 3 nights & it would've been nice if he'd bought flowers or a teddy bear for me or LO. I was pretty lonely while there because he was working (he'd visit at night for 4 hours) and my parents only came for an hour a day. I know it's not right to ask for something but it would've been thoughtful of him.

Today is the day our last scheduled visitors (overnighters) leave town & he starts his 2 week holidays. So I was pretty exhausted after our friend left with her 4 & 6 year old that have been here for 3 days. He suggested a family nap, so we all went to lie down. During our nap I had to get up 3 times for our LO while he slept through it. Then he wakes up before we do & leaves our bassinete in our room with me & goes to play on his computer. So LO wakes up crying & wakes me up for the 4th time. I don't think it would've been asking to much for him to have taken her with him (our bassinete is on wheels & we move her around the house so we are always in same area) so I could sleep.

Do I have a right to be frustrated or am I just being hormonal & bitchy?
He does all the grocery shopping & cooking, I just don't think he's doing enough with our LO.

 

[lauren10]

My husband is so helpful, but when I want him to do more with the baby, I have to come right out and tell him...he doesn't usually pick up on it on his own. I was getting frustrated with him coming home from work and taking a luxurious 20 minute shower. then he'd "feed" the baby dinner, but I had to get it all ready and put it in front of them. I had to say to him, "When you come home from work...I want to do NOTHING baby related for one full hour. Don't ask for my help, I'm going to pretend I don't know either of you." And it worked! Men need very direct and literal feedback.

 

[Clay0109]

My hubby was the same, always made me deal with Lo crying, feedings, nappies etc I was getting really annoyed that he would not deal with these things himself so I sat him down and calmly told him he needs to help out more with LO cos I was really overwhelmed & exhausted and I wanted him to get to know his son. He now spends much more time with him and I'm less stressed out so maybe that's all you OH needs is to sit down together when LO is sleeping and just talking things through, I hope this advice helps xx

 

[Empress25]

My OH was this way at first. Is he used to babies? Perhaps he's a bit apprehensive and unsure wha to do if baby cries? Try explaining to him how you feel x

 

[Odd Socks]

i have to specifically ask oh to do various things. though he's a lot better now than he was.

we really struggled in the early days, we were both pretty shellshocked with this new baby & i was struggling with breastfeeding. we were both exhausted, but oh wasn't helping out with things, seeming to think that when i was trying to bf a screaming baby for 5 hours at a time, he could sit & watch tv. & i had to ask him to get me things like a glass of water or some breakfast. he wanted sex & didn't realise i was too tired & well, had just given birth so didn't feel up to it.

i think he felt left out because suddenly my attention was taken up by this teeny little person & i couldn't be the stepford wife i'd been before bella arrived. when i describe his behaviour, it sounds terrible, but we were going through a massive adjustment, i wasn't coping & he couldn't cope seeing me that way.

he's much better, but every so often, still a bit of a tool & doesn't seem to get what needs doing, even though we do the same things each night (i.e. washing / sterilising / making bottles, rinsing nappies, cooking tea, etc), & i have to ask him to stop watching tv & do something so we can then both sit down & relax together once it's done.

xx

 

[shortie1990]

I think men just don't think! My OH does stupid things like this all the time, he naps every night when he gets in from work, on Saturday he knows
Me and LO are Ill.. I get up with LO give him breakfast etc, go out to get my hair cut which was actually cancelled so come back and he says he's goin back to bed.. Maybe I'd like to nap because I'm so I'll???

 

[lozzy21]

Men need exact instruction because as good as there intentions are they just dont think to do things. They also dont have the same instincs when asleep as woman do, my OH would only wake up if she was screaming while i wake up if she wimpers and hes a brilliant dad, I find a sharp dig in the ribs helps wake him up

 

[DanielleM]

It is early days, your LO is only 12 days old, so this is a very new thing for both of you and on his half he is probably just not thinking the same way as you. The best thing to do is to sit down and have a chat about what you want him to do and what you exoect him to do with the baby. Also at only 12 days post delivery, you are likely to be a bit emotional, but this is expected. x

 

[vitriolic_vix]

Oh and I have these same familiar arguments! When I try to pass her to him when he's back from work he rolls his eyes and says he is tired! I have to politely explain i have had her all day and need to eat/pee/do housework! What bugs the most is if he has her it's not like I sit and relax! I run around the house trying to get everything done where if I have her he doesn't think to help out he just sits down too and watches tv/ plays with phone/ xbox / I've had to be really forceful and direct with him to get him to help more. As bad as it sounds a couple of weeks ago I was really I'll on the Saturday with mastitis and basically refused to help him! I let her scream til he got her and I stayed in bed .. By the evening he was begging me to take her because he was 'exhausted'... He has surprisingly been a little better since!