Frustration at doc & bf's refusal for sperm test

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by Elliebank, Oct 20, 2008.

  1. Elliebank

    Elliebank ♥Mummy to Katie & Ethan♥

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    Just wanted to vent some frustration....

    Been to docs this morning for cd21 blood tests results. He said they were normal & I am definitely ovulating which was a relief. But then we were discusing my periods & when I said my cycles were approx 31 days long he kept saying that's far too long & not normal....I was thinking well it's only 3 days extra than what you consider 'normal' so it's not that bad....then he said the normal is 20 so 31 days is far too long....20??? How the hell does he count it???!!! He's referring to me to a fertility clinic though and has told me to get my bf to have a sperm test....which is easier said than done. My bf doesn't want to go for it & said we should wait a month or 2 (we've been ttc for 13 months now), I said we can't cos he has to have it done before I get the appointment through for the fertility clinic. He said he's scared which I totally understand but we still need to get it done!! If there is something wrong there's loads that can be done. I understand that for men it's hard & some think they're not a proper 'man' if there's something wrong with their sperm (ridiculous) but I'm at that point now that I need to know if something is wrong & if there is lets get it put right if poss. Any ideas how I can make him come round to the idea?
     
  2. zooney

    zooney MUM OF 1 TTC no.2

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    Hi, i don't know what it is with men and there male pride, just tell him that millions of men have 2 have a sperm count, re-assure him that you love him whatever the outcome is and if there is a problem there's loads of ways it can be corrected, it's probably fine and he's got nothing to worry about, tell him how much it will mean to you to get this test done so your one step closer to having the baby you both want. Good luck xx :hug:
     
  3. DaisyDuke

    DaisyDuke Matilda Tasya's mum :)

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    I'm sorry but i would be seriously questioning my OH if he refused to have SA done after 13 months of trying? I think he is being very unfair on u. XXX
     
  4. Debbie82

    Debbie82 Privileged Twin Mummy

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    Men and their pride eh !

    I asked my OH the other day if after year of TTC without success, he would be willing to get tests done and he immediately replied:

    "why do you think i am firing blanks"

    Think men are naturally defensive when it comes to their little swimmers.

    As zooney said, just re-assure that it is quite common for men to get it done and it is a case of ruling him out rather than looking for a prob.

    With regards to the doc saying your cycles are too long, I have just been at the docs this morning who said that I shouldn't worry about cycles even though they vary between 25 and 48 days !

    In the meantime :hug:
     
  5. rachelle1975

    rachelle1975 And then there were 3!!

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    Hey Ellie

    My DH was really nervous about doing his SA so i told him that once i had got all my results he could do his part - fair i thought?? Well the 3 day abstaining went to 7 days as he was so scared he kept putting it off!!

    What about putting him on some vits etc. that the doc would suggest anyway? You can buy wellman vits, 1000mg of fizzy vit c and i would definitely recommend Maca which you can buy off the internet. After that its the usual, healthy diet, no smoking and only 1-2 drinks a week?

    I have to say your doctor is totally talking out of his arse hun - 28 days was the 'normal' cycle length but all good fertility books say that there is no such thing as normal - mine is 27 and goes to 31 if i ovulate late, there is certainly nothing wrong with that.

    If your DH did his SA is the hospital close by? That might help him get his head round it - DH got to do his at home, tucked it in his waistband and then drove to the hospital and dropped it off. Results were back within 5 days. - maybe he thinks it will be this clinical room with a well thumbed copy of playboy and he'll have to do it on cue!! :rofl:

    No matter what the result there will always be more options and the best way to be is super positive chick - i hope he gets his butt into gear and agrees :hugs:
     
  6. who's_mummy

    who's_mummy Well-Known Member

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    Men are really funny about these things aren't they?! We started investigations when TTC#1 and my husband had to produce his sample at home and then take it in, he made me leave the house and walk the dog until he phoned to say that he'd finished lol! His results were normal, although he swears to this day that the doctor said super!

    Good luck with it, no advice I'm afraid but hope you can talk him around, God knows, men don't have a whole lot to do in the whole process, at least he could do this for you!

    Gemma x
     
  7. Elliebank

    Elliebank ♥Mummy to Katie & Ethan♥

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    I think he can have it done at the docs which isn't far so he should be able to 'do it' at home then take it with him - I did mention that to him but he didn't really respond. Will have another chat with him later. I'm due on at the end of the week so you never know I might get a :bfp: so he'll be ok!!!
     
  8. DaisyDuke

    DaisyDuke Matilda Tasya's mum :)

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    My DH was the same i had to leave the house to, then i took it to the hospital to save on the embarisment for him. I just hope u can get him to agree. X
     
  9. Elliebank

    Elliebank ♥Mummy to Katie & Ethan♥

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    I guess I could try & get some from him without him knowing what for & then take it!! Ha ha only joking :rofl:
     
  10. rachelle1975

    rachelle1975 And then there were 3!!

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    I had visions of you turning up with a used condom and asking the pathology lab to test the contents then!!! :rofl:

    if you tell him how important it is for you would he agree (after some gently emotional blackmail/persausion?) x
     
  11. Elliebank

    Elliebank ♥Mummy to Katie & Ethan♥

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    Yeah I think so - I can normally manage it. He should really realise by now that I always get my own way! I think he's scared that there's something stopping us getting pregnant & the longer he puts off finding out but better, whereas I think if there IS something wrong (fingers crossed there's not), the sooner we find out the better so that we can hopefully get it sorted. Once he realises how much I want it he'll come round I'm sure.
     
  12. Debbie82

    Debbie82 Privileged Twin Mummy

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    Glad I am not the only one who has had this thought passing through their mind :rofl:
     
  13. natthecat

    natthecat 2 years TTC #1

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    Ellie

    Your in a position where you just have to say, look we need to rule your swimmers out of the equation because the tests they are likely to carry out on you are far more expensive than an SA.

    Just tell him that it's not to see if he's shooting blanks(dont put it that way obviously) it's to see what volume and motility is to determine how hard you have to try.

    He is being a lil unfair, but I think it's more about him feeling a little embarressed and not feeling manly about someone testing his sperm.

    Tell him that once he's done that, there is very little else for him to do than BD the night away with you!

    also express to him the "how do you think i feel" situation whereas there will be a lot more poking and prodding with you than him.

    Just take the focus off him.
     
  14. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    I agree your doc talking nonsense! Most books say seek advice if cycle over 35 days. So 30/31 is fine.

    I've been speaking to my DH too re SA...as we are over 12 months now. He wasn't keen, but we talked about what his concerns were and the main one seemed to be handing it in (in case someone sees him LOL)!! So I have agreed to take it up the hospital for him.

    Maybe you can ask him what his main concerns about it are???
     
  15. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

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    its really discreate if thats wot he wud be worried bout ? all we did was went2 dh gp and she gave us a bottle n said wait till u aint cum for 3days then do the sample and rush it up2 path lab and he handed it straight 2nurse...stayed in same taxi thats how quick he was!! if he wants the baby as much then he shud do it hun !
     
  16. Anne4nra

    Anne4nra TTC -CD1 on 18 Sep

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    When DH found out that he could do something aside from sex, he ran out and did it! He scheduled it on his own. -He even had to jump through hoops upon finding out at the last minute he'd have to drive from Kaiserslautern to Landstuhl in lunch traffic.

    Just tell him to man-up, put his big boy panties on and you'll even hold his purse if he wants. :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
     
  17. TigerLady

    TigerLady CaveTiger Clan Mama

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    I have to agree with the ladies who are advising to try to "soften" the blow to get him to do it. As much as that should NOT be necessary, it probably would help his little boy feelings.

    Just tell him you're sure he's fine, but the doctors need it (they don't know him like YOU do... *wink* *wink*) and it is to rule him OUT as opposed to rule him IN as the problem. That way YOU will be allowed to get on with all the REAL testing they need to do on you. Blah, blah. Of course, it should not be necessary to shift so much focus to just you, but whatever it takes to get it done!

    After reading these posts, it makes me thankful I won't have to go through such hoops! I'm suprised so many men have such issues with this. A few days ago I told DH that I wanted to get a fertility monitor this month if we get another BFN and his immediate reply was "Whatever you need, Babe. Do you think I should get tested?" Wow. I thank my lucky stars! Now if only some of that luck would manifest as a BFP!!!
     
  18. MsLynn225

    MsLynn225 Twin Angels*06.12.07*

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    At first after trying 2 years, I finally convinced my fiance to go and do it with me. I was good, but we had to make sure he was okay too.. Turns out through all his nervousness, he was fine... We just gotta try harder! lol..

    Good luck!!
     
  19. DebsHopeful

    DebsHopeful Mummy to a beautiful girl

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    Hi Girls, Interesting thread.
    I got my DH to go get tested right when we started ttc a year ago.
    He thought I was mad but I was diagnosed with PCOS so I knew I would need monitoring but needed to rule him out of the equation as well.
    No point just one person getting themselves right for conception and the other one is still adding to the delay.
    He felt a bit nervous about having his manhood questioned but when the results came back better than excellent he wished it was the kind of thing you could tell everyone about.
    On a different note, if the results come back that they are slower or fewer than normal you will at least know that you should be concidering some help, like maybe AI.
    Nothing artificial, just assisted!!!!!!

    Good luck.
     
  20. missbooby

    missbooby Well-Known Member

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    Male pride!
    My OH and I both have beautiful DDs from past relationships but have been ttc together for nearly a year with no luck as yet. Whenever I comment on his smoking and coffee addiction possibly hindering our conception he immediately goes bright red and states 'Well I'm fine..you'd better get yourself checked out!' :dohh:
    Bless him and his ''super swimmers'' lol
     

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