Funniest Toddler Stories!

These are hilarious. :D I already have a few funny stories, but not as funny as there's no talking yet of course. My son is only 6 months old.

-My mom was watching LO the other day and he was in his bouncy seat. He leaned over and spit up carrots all over the carpet, so she walked across the room to grab a tissue and by the time she walked back, the dog had eaten it. :blush:

-Then yesterday, he grabbed my coffee cup (it had an ice coffee, I'd never leave a hot one around!) and dumped it all over my socks. And then looked at me with a big smile like he was really proud.

-I wasn't even able to breastfeed longer than three weeks but he is OBSESSED with... uhm, boobs. :wacko: Which I don't really have much of lol. So when ever a lady holds him, he has the lovely habit of shoving his head into their cleavage and patting them and smiling. :dohh:
 
-I wasn't even able to breastfeed longer than three weeks but he is OBSESSED with... uhm, boobs. :wacko: Which I don't really have much of lol. So when ever a lady holds him, he has the lovely habit of shoving his head into their cleavage and patting them and smiling. :dohh:

I don't think it's a bf'ing thing....I think it's a boy thing....my son is exactly the same!!! Lol

I bf him for 4 months then combi fed, just feeding him at night until he was 1 - and he soon forgot what my boobies were for.
However for the last few months, any woman who picks him - his little chubby hand goes straight down their top!!!

I'm also pregnant at the moment and he used to rub my tummy and say 'baaaaaby'. In the last 2 weeks he's decided everyone has baby's in their tummy and does it to everyone - including his dad and grandad! But he's decided my baby is in my boobies and pats them all the time saying 'baaaaby'!

He was watching me earlier dry with a towel after a bath and ran over and grabbed and pulled my nipples while laughing hysterically!!!

We were staying with my nan a couple of weeks ago and he was sleeping in a travel cot at the foot of the bed. He woke at 4.30 and wanted to play. He started pulling on my toes and I said "Alex - lay down!!!".
He looked at me gone off and said "urgh lay down PLEASE!!" Lol!!!

Earlier on we were watching mister maker on cebeebies. Before the shapes came on, he sat up and yelled "I am shape!". I said "are you Alex? What shape?".
He looked at me gone off and said "square!".

He went to bed 10 mins early tonight at 6.50 (he asked to!). Just heard on monitor he is still mucking about so I went in and as I opened the door, he yelled "uh-oh", dropped to lay down on mattress and pretended to be asleep 😂
 
The other day I went to the loo and as usual Holly followed me. This time she got some toilet paper and tried to wipe me! :haha: Then last night when I was on the loo she got some toilet paper and tried to wipe herself despite the fast she was fully clothed! :haha: It's funny how they pick these things up!
 
tyler who was about 2 at the time - I had some friends over and he was playing in the hall way, (our toilet used to be just off the hallway) he must have gone in there and found my sanitary towels, he came in the front room with his hands behind his back and I said, what have u got - he had a big massive grin on his face then pulled his hands out from behind his back and goes TAAA DAAAA & there on his hands were 2 sanitary towels stuck to his hands :shock:


my little girl went to stay overnight with my gran, she came home and said what she had been doing, she said she had had a bath and after grandma had put flour all over her - she meant talc lol
 
'mummy, what are you doing'
'having a wee lucas'
'where's mummy's willy'
'I don't have a willy baby'
*LO farts loudly* 'mummy, you've done a poo!'
'mummy DID NOT do a poo lucas!'
'yes, mummy is stinkyyy!'

Yes, this occurred in a public loo. Yes there were an awful lot of people giving me dirty looks when I walked out of the cubicle. Sigh.

:haha::haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:
I laughed so much I cried.
:hugs:
 
We've been potty training this week and after 2 days of success we took DD on a short car journey to my FILs house, when we arrived FIL said to DD "I heard you're doing all your wees in the potty now" to which she replied "yes I am pappy, get me a juice ill show you" :dohh:

Another one, we were sat in the garden a few weeks ago when a plane went over leaving one of its white lines behind. DD points and says "that looks like a shooting star doesn't it" I replied "yeah it does a little bit" whilst whispering to my dad "I don't know where she's got that from" she then looked up again and said "I think it looks like a firefly" having no idea where she'd got that from either I asked her "where did you get that from". The response?? "The Internet" :rofl:
 
My toddler is so funny!

Some of the funny things she's done are:

Waving at dog poop every time she sees it on the ground!

She waves at spat out food! The other week in a restaurant a toddler dropped some food from his mouth and Holly kept leaning out of her highchair to wave at it!

She kissed the dog's willy when she first learnt to kiss!

She handed my dad a pair of my knickers!

She sometimes lies across my stomach and humps herself to sleep!

Ask her what her favourite food is and she will point at herself

Sometimes she leans down and picks up her food with her mouth like a dog

Every time we go shopping she has to pick a grapefruit and hold it the whole way around the store!

Yesterday in the local shop she was leaning out of her pushchair to try and grab a crate of beer and then a bottle of wine. The lady behind us was looking quite amused, then Holly leaned out of her pushchair to wag her finger at the lady's son in his pushchair to 'tell him off'!

She's recently started saying 'oh dear!' but only at exciting and happy things!

She makes me laugh so much every day! :)


This absolutely cracked me up!!
 
My dd has been potty trained for over a year now and has never done this before. A few weeks ago we were walking down the road and she said 'I need a poo' and started to pull her trousers down in the middle of the street.

She has a bit of an obsession with the wizard of oz at the moment and when she was watching it the other day, she started talking about the witch. 'I dont like her. I dont like her hair. I like her hat though it's very stylish.' No idea where she got that from?

We live in a new house and when we moved in there was still building work being carried out in the area. She used to like the diggers but could only say dig. Not too bad until you are sitting in a quiet doctors waiting room and she starts shouting it with it sounding like she is shouting dick.
 
Daddy had a shock earlier when Holly attempted to feed him something and he realised it was a dead fly! :rofl:
 
:haha: omg these are priceless I can't stop laughing!!

No funny stories yet, as LO doesn't talk yet.
 
Another one

I brought DD a stool to stand on so she can use the big toilet to wee, she said she needed to use her big toilet so I told her to use the stool, 2 minutes later she comes down and says "mummy there's wee on the floor but it was a accident" I went up to investigate and sure enough there was wee on the floor, I asked her what happened and she said "I did a wee on the stool like you said". Maybe need to work on my wording :dohh:
 
Today my husband got home early in the morning from working nights. When I got up with Holly and went downstairs, I saw that my husband had written 'good morning to my two beautiful ladies!' on it, which was a lovely surprise :) A total coincidence as Holly can't read, but later on in the morning she had crossed out the word 'beautiful'! Charming! :rofl:

Then later on when my husband was playing with Holly, I returned to the room and saw a big block tower had been built. I said to Holly 'who built that?' and she pointed to herself with a big smile on her face. Later on I found out it was my husband who'd built it! :haha:
 
We've been giving Holly lots of nappy free time recently and are starting to think that the dog is potty training her! Holly will make a fuss at the back door when she has no nappy on and then when I open the door she will go and pee in the garden! Exactly the same as the dog. He whines the door until he gets let out to pee!

Anyway, nappy free time was going so well, but the other night I felt something warm on my back - turns out Holly had peed like a boy down my back! And down my butt crack! :dohh: She left a puddle on the floor which she then wiped up herself with a clean vest! :rofl:


Ahahaha! This one is hilarious!
 
My daughter when she was about 3 was in asda i was looking at the hair dyes and i hear her go 'aww'...turn around and she is rubbing the bald head of a young lad was was bending down to the shower gels.. I was so shamed!!

Always caught her tapping a mans butt in the que! x

Just remembered.. the other day my mums partner was leaving the house, he shouts 'bye Maiz' Maizie replies.... 'yeah bye dickhead'! x
 
I don't have a child yet lol, but I'll never forget being in the grocery store one time...there was a little kid about 3 yrs old with a box of cereal. He presented it to his mother, who snarled "No!! Go put it back, right now!" The little boy looked down at it and replied, utterly confused, "But it's in my hands."
 
My LO put her shorts on her head then ran around the livingroom freaking out that she couldn't see.. :dohh:
 
Half way through dinner Maria announced that she was doing a poop.

A big poop.

And a fart.



And then I smelt it. Put me off my dinner a bit!
 
Holly has been ill recently. She's just getting over it now but has really smelly gas! Yesterday I took her to a toddler group and she kept farting! All the mums were checking their babies bums thinking they needed changing! So embarrassing!! :blush:
 
Today Micah walked up to two older toddlers when we were out shopping and calmly took one's balloon and the other's drink right out of their hands, they both looked really confused!
 
:haha: wow. not sure what to say about this moment!
I've been teaching LO how to comb my hair and her hair, anyways I asked her if she'd like to comb my hair, I hand her the comb and she combs between my nose and lip... errmm yeah I don't HAVE a mustache.
 

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