funny things you sed whilst in labour

[charlotte-xo]

I can remember asking to see pictures of my dog, telling my mum to go fetch me a bacon cob, when the dr was cutting me (episiotomy) he kept shouting at me to put my bum down because he cant do it..my mum said i just kept glaring and saying 'i dont like that man hes an arsehole' so embarrased after she told me that. I also pulled the red emergency cord midway through pushing and about 10 drs and mw's came running in with a cart i was crackers.

 

[JWandBump]

I don't remember what I said during labour, but the gas and air defo got to me because after she came out I can remember sayin "I can drink again!!" the midwifes must have thought i was a alcoholic! I don't even really drink tho

 

[MumOfPlenty]

I think I turned posh because I kept saying 'oh my lord' and 'oh my goodness' .. Like I didn't already know what it was gonna be like! I was hardly taking a walk round the rose garden and stood on a thorn..

Most stupid thing ever has to be - 'It's a baby! Look! It's a baby!' - Bearing in mind I had no painkillers at all.. And this was baby nunmber 5.. I must have been high on the pain

 

[flugella]

My classic was when the head was coming down the birth canal and I announced that I was pooing (insert alternative word here) a tennis ball out!

I also apologised constantly - for shouting, for swearing (twice in total!), for deciding I couldn't do it... I was apparently the most apologetic mum to be they'd ever seen!

 

[MumOfPlenty]

I also apologised constantly - for shouting, for swearing (twice in total!), for deciding I couldn't do it... I was apparently the most apologetic mum to be they'd ever seen!

Oh yes, I did that too.. Apologised for getting blood on the bed

 

[angelpkj]

said "oh god i've not even brushed my teeth"

 

[AP]

i asked for a venus razor in the pool.
and an umbrella for my glass of water (in my bikini in the pool )

 

[cowboys angel]

I didn't have individual funny things but looking back at the day I had Elizabeth when I was still at home, I have to laugh. I didn't get any fun drugs or anything.

I'd been in and out of preterm labor for 3 months.

The day before I had her I was at the hospital, they sent me home. The day I had her, I sat curled up on our couch all day, hurting. I was scared and anxious and my OH was working.

He got home from work, and asked if I'd be okay if he left. I said yes, and then continuously texted him begging him to come home.

My mom came over. I sat rocking on the couch keening, and crying, cuz it hurt so bad but there was no rhyme or reason to them.

I wanted a natural birth, and I go it!, but when it was time to have her and I was at home, I didn't want it anymore.

Me: I don't wanna do it anymore. Can I be done now? I wanna be done.
My mom: Katie this isn't even the real thing, wait til this is real contractions.
Me: If this isn't real, I quit. I just...I quit. Can I be done?
Mom: Katie, just breathe. This doesn't hurt, wait til the contractions are actually doing something. Then it'll hurt.
Me: I want an epidural. Please? This hurts. If this isn't real, I can't do it. It hurts so bad. Mommy, can I have an epidural? If this isn't real, I want an epidural.

Mom went home when OH got home, and not 10 minutes after mom left I started screaming, and we raced to the hospital.

In car:

OH: Angel just breathe. Don't push
me: I'm trying! *Scream*
OH: Calm down baby, you're okay
me: *fume* I can't stop pushing!
OH: Just stop! Just...Just shut your legs!
me: screw you


In triage:
nurse: we need you to get in a hospital gown
me: no, the babys coming
nurse: we know sweetie, that's why you need to get into a hospital gown (patting my arm)
me: FUCK YOU THE BABYS COMING NOW (pointing at my crotch)

She was crowning at that point. Outside of L&D I screamed again.

L&D:
nurse: we need to get you out of your sweatpants
me: okay

her and OH pull down sweats, i stand up, baby falls out, OH catches her

me: Good catch
OH: O_O

 

[cowboys angel]

OOH and my OH, they asked him if he wanted to cut the cord. They gave him the scizzors (I'm still in the wheel chair holding our baby). The cord is just swinging there. He tried to cut it, and it shot away from the scizzors.

nurse: It's kinda rubbery
OH: No shit sherlock

 

[Inge]

I was off my head I kept saying I felt woozy and I really did feel so drunk..it was amazing!
I kept saying I need to push, MW said "thats good, push when you feel it" Id reply "I cant it feels like im pushing something else" I kept saying I need to poo and MW was reasurring me I wouldnt.
I kept telling Gary to leave the room and then kept calling him back in I didnt want him to see me like that.
When it was getting close we got him back in the room and I took all my clothes off (this is someone who bought a black nighty with her and was going to wear it, and didnt want anyone to see her naked) and OH probably thought "omg..." to come in when I was totally naked, pushing and screaming
Towards the end I kept screaming " I want my baby" through every push whilst trying to have as much G&A as possible (I had a whole canister) MW had to change it and tried to take it away but I was very adamant it was mine
I was also quite loud. I know now why girls on OBEM scream so loud.I was on all fours up the pillow end of the bed almost doing pull ups when I got a contraction
Wow id love another baby just for the G&A

 

[fairydreams]

Great thread and some lovely stories! my waters broke early with dd so was admitted and it was what the mw said that still makes me laugh! Apparently I was contracting but not dilating, mw came to examine me after i went to the loo for the zillionth time and all i can remember her saying next is "sh!t! Get the wheelchair now!!" and pressing the emergency button, i was 10cm dilated and she was born later that morning! with ds i just kept saying it didn't hurt this much before! Lol

 

[MissFox]

Love these!!!

I held out for 8 hours to get an epidural while being induced. I stalled and gave the the OK to up the pitocin and then it got BAD. I had to wait 2 hours for the anesthesiologist to get there and when he got there I was at 9 sot hey wanted to rush it and get it done. WELL He kept hitting a nerve! I shouted THAT HURTS! he kept asking what hurts and I was getting frustrated explaining to him (shouting at him) that he was hitting a nerve and it hurt down into my right leg!!! Finally he gotthe epi in and they went to help my lay back down so I started shouting OWWW OWW IT HURTS IT HURTS And he shouted WHAT HURTS?!
I screamed MY FUCKING UTERUS DUHH IM HAVING A CONTRACTION!!!!
Then my friend and DH and mom started CRACKING UP because Leave it to me to use the "technical term" for telling the anesthesiologist what part was in pain after telling him that I DIDNT KNOW THE MEDICAL TERM FOR WHAT EXACTLY IS HURTING ME WITH HIS POKING