funny things you sed whilst in labour

[Ellie130891]

it was world cup time and i said itd be good if we made meatballs that were black and white to look like footballs.....id had a lot of gas and air at that point!

 

[purple_rain]

I randomly told DH that we still needed to order a calendar and that a shelf would look nice on the landing wall. Dh kept having to wake me up in between contractions becasue i was snoring - loved the diamorphine!!

 

[divershona]

"who the fu*k designed white dressing gowns for labour?" I'd bought a white dressing gown to use whilst in the hospital and I had it on whilst in labour and it was getting dirty from me leaking on it so i took it off and was naked the rest of the time because i was too hot (the midwife was looking at my foof anyway https://s1.bbstatic.com/images/smilies/haha.gif)

When i was in the water pool i turned to the midwife and said "I don't mean to be rude but why do you look like a smurf?" and she replied with " Well... I think that is rather rude actually" she had on those blue scrubs and whenever I looked at her she reminded me of a smurf hehe. ( I did apologise to her after Kaya was born though https://s1.bbstatic.com/images/smilies/haha.gif)

When i got my gas and air back when i got into the birthing pool i said that it made me feel drunk again and that my OH should get the champagne out because our LO would be here soon.

When I was walking from the pool room back to my delivery room I saw one of the other girls from my antenatal classes who was due on the same day as me coming onto the delivery ward and i told her that she wanted the gas and air and to trust me on that!

When Kaya was crowning I turned to my OH and told him that the ring of fire felt like f*king fire.

lmfao at the smurph thing did she understand?

i don't think she did ... my OH explained to her that it was probably because she was wearing blue ... but she still didn't look amused

 

[Lownthwaite]

OH: stop screaming it can't hurt that much (as he was crowning, I had epidural that didn't take on left side)
me: f off you fing twat you try sh***ing a watermelon
midwife: don't worry sarah we don't judge anyone (with a wink)

I love this!

Here's one of mine:

(Whilst doctor just finished fetal blood sampling and trying to insert catheter before and emergency C-section)
Me: I need to wee
MW: No, it's just baby putting pressure on your bladder
Me: No, I need to pee I can tell
DH: You just had a wee not long ago!
Me: YES! and I'm telling you I need a wee again!
Doc: Ok, it doesn't matter we are putting a catheter in now
Me: but I need a wee
Doc: Ok, the catheter is in now
Me: but I still need to wee
Doc: Yes, you may feel the sensation for a few more minutes but then you won't until we remove the catheter after surgery
Me: but I need to pee!
Doc: That's fine, just do it.
(Doctor was still down between my legs)
Me: (turning to DH) Im going to pee on the doctor
MW: No, you won't the catheter will take it in the bag
Me: No, I don't want to pee on the doctor!
DH: Sweetheart, just wee, it's fine - you won't wee on the doctor
Me:Okay.....okay..........Im doing it........I'm weeing................Okay done!

Hahah did it go into the bag?

lol yeah it did

 

[polo_princess]

LOL @ this thread

I wasnt too bad, all i really said was

"Ive had enough now, pull this effing baby out will you, its getting on my bloody nerves"

OH and the MW burst out laughing when i said that

 

[Mizzy]

lmfao at these
i had g&a and pethadine
my mum was haveing a egg buttie whilst i was in later stages of labour and after 40 odd hours of not being able to stomach much i was starving so i started shouting at her EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG she gave me some so i then started shouting EEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG MMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

erm
whilst in early stages i had a drip put into my hand and i dont mean any offece by this im not racist at all but a asain nurse put it in my hand and he left a trail of my blood on my bed and all i went on about for the next hour was how this asain docter was so unprofesional for doing that but obviously useing other words...
i grabbod OH roung the throat and told him to take his sperm back
i told the mw to f*uck off a number of times
and when he was born all i said was ive got a baby mum, mum im a mummy now ive got a baby

 

[Kalah]

Interesting face I just remembered, some people do have a strange reaction to different pain medications and it makes them more angry or agitated than usual. I know for my family none of the women can have morphine as it turns us evil. When my aunt was in hospital after her brain surgery (she didn't end up making it) my mom kept telling the doctors don't give her morphine but they wouldn't listen and gave it to her anyway. Minutes later she was lashing out at everyone, threw her bedpan at a nurse, going absolutely nuts!! They didn't give it to her again after that

 

[PrincessJenna]

My bump was called Mr Bump (we didn't know if was a girl or boy) & I remember when pushing waiting for a contraction I was shouting come on MR contraction please hurry up lol x

 

[NG09]

The one and only time I swore was when the doctor came in and checked me and after HOURS of being 3cm he said you're 8cm, my response was '8, did you say 8??? Did you hear that?? I'm 8.... holy f**k it comes out at 10, BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!' Oh the shame

 

[PrincessJenna]

Oh & why pushing I just kept shouting am I pooing?? am I pooing?? am I pooing?? they was like NNNOOO just push !!!!

 

[k8y]

not sure i said anything funny but apparently (i had a lot of G&A so it's fuzzy to me!) there was a beautiful moment between contractions right near the end where DH said he loved me and i said 'i love you too', then i burped in his face!!!!! oops!

that made me laugh out loud haha classic

 

[xdaniellexpx]

i just bit my mums bum

 

[Jenniflower]

OMG this thread is about to burst my c-section stitches. I need to stop reading for now and come back when it doesn't kill to laugh.

 

[Nimbus]

When asked to confirm my date of birth, i ranted on about how crazy and wonderful my mum was on that day to go through all this pain for me and i'd never appreciated it before.

 

[zoe87]

I was high on gas and air and turned to my mam and said 'love you mam' my Oh said what about me and i turned and said what about you...they both laughed at the time but i cant remember saying anything! i felt so bad

 

[storm4mozza]

I LOVE U MOMMY UR THE BESTEST MOMMY IN THE WORLD D= oopsie hehe

 

[Cat_pj]

I was given gas and air - then 30 minutes later they took it off me as i was being far to loud and all the mummies on the wards could hear me

from what i have been told:

i was screaming I LOVE MY BELLY RUBS

and apparantly a person walked past with bags on his feet and i thought it was our dog Hiro and was calling him
My MIL tried to destract me from screaming and asked me what i wanted to say to my baby when he was born - i replied: Il tell him he gotta try some of this' and held up the gas and air mouth piece

my mum was SO emmbarrased she ran off to the toilet because i was that loud - the toilets where quite far from my room and there was people sitting on seats near the toilets and were looking around all confused because they could hear me going AHAHAHA HARHARHAR AAAAAAAAAAAA lol

Soz I know this thread is less active now but just had to say- this actually made me cry with laughter! I just read the entire thread backwards to try and find it again!!!

 

[sugarcube84]

Mine were all to do with pain relief lol.

"I feel like I'm paused!" - First taste of G&A

"My Fingers are sausages - I need Mummy... or an ambulance!" - G&A again. Pretty impressed that I managed to quote the inbetweeners whilst in labour

"I won't lie to you Michael - I really like the G&A. It's like that park of a really good night out where you're drunk enough to be everyone's friend but not so drunk that people hate you yet!" - To my anesthetist (sp?)

"I love you Michael... you gave me the best thing ever... until the baby is here... but for now... I love you!" - After my epi

xx

Love the inbetweeners quote!!!

I dont think i said anything really funny other than than thank god for that when the head was out and it sounds like an embroidery lesson when the midwife was sewing me up and explaning what she was doing to the student at the same time.

 

[Luke's_mummy]

This light is too bright. Can't they like turn the volume down on the light. What is this like 60 watts? Why don't they make like a ZERO watt lightbulb!


and also

Babe. I can see in splitscreen

and

Babe come here I need to bite on you (before the g&a)

and I told my mum, don't fucking touch me, sit down and shut the fuck up. Where's Charlie? (my OH) I need Charlie, go and get Charlie.

 

[kandyfloss]

I have never laughed so much ever, Im even managing to ignore my pains after a ceasarean.

I didnt use gas and air until they had to take a swab from babys head, ad then it didnt leave my mouth.

I kept singing 'Im not a train, Im not a train' as the man doing the swab was saying 'please remain still' over and over which only made me laugh more. I also said ' I know now why your racist' to OH [JUST TO CONFIRM, NEITHER OF US ARE!] xxx